[Bloodhound8]

Ok so here is the thing... I met this girl, we hit it off, she likes me, I like her, actually... I love her... Its been one month since we met and well, we talk a lot. We aren't dating and we have slept together, so I think this may just be a friends with benefits thing, but I want more... I have told her that I love her, she responds saying "don't say that, you aren't allowed to love me". Well that is just confusing to me... she knows how I feel and says that I care too much, we talk about everything except some topics she is sensitive on, like love of course.

She talks about our future, us taking trips, going places, site seeing, lots of stuff, but I just wish we could have more in our relationship, specifically a relationship to begin with. Recently I asked her again.. "is there a chance we can be more?". She just responds saying she does not know and she isn't ready for a relationship and does not know when she will be.

She has done so much for me, I live 8 hours away from her by car, and where I work, I take trips on the railroad close to her location, about a 1 hour drive to be exact, and she comes to pick me up so we can hang out, we cook, we play music, I am teaching her piano and we do lots of stuff together, but I am confused.

Just the other day she said she spent the whole day crying and she won't tell me why, then she mentioned today it was because her ex boyfriend called and wants her back etc... I asked what's stopping her from going back, she said again "I am not ready for a relationship right now, he's a nice guy and I didn't treat him well", and it was left at that...

Another thing we talk about is kids, she loves them and babies and wants one so badly, sometimes she says stuff like, "if we ever had a kid" or, "I bet i could get you to have a kid with me if i wanted to"... I don't know if she is joking or being serious, she seems serious, but to be honest...

I love her more than anything I ever have in my entire life, I want to be with her, take care of her and I don't know if that's possible, she sends me mixed signals as if She loves me, but she hasn't said that yet, one example is this : she knows sign language for kids and she showed me the, I love you sign, about a week ago, I said to her I love her, then she said my name and gave me the sign... I was so happy, but that was a week ago and I haven't heard or seen anything like that since.

I think I may be pressuring too much, but I don't actually enforce anything at all. I don't know what to do, think, or expect... I want to be with her but I don't know how. Please... anyone who can help, or suggest anything, hell... even say what is going on, or what is she thinking or doing... Im so scared to lose her, but how can I lose what I don't have? Thank you so much for your responses and help, if you need any other information please ask. Thank you!

[C0bra_M3nace]

First off, when a girl says she's not ready for a relationship, there's a reason, and in this case, it's for your benefit as well. Sounds to me like she's not over her ex, which can and most likely will ruin a relationship.

You probably pushed her away, which is easy to do in a case like this. She's not ready, not only for a relationship, but to be pushed into one as well. The only thing you could have done was waited, showed her you're there for her and showed her you cared, and only once she's ready you could move forward, but you tried to moved forward anyway.

On the other hand, you fell in love with her too fast my friend, a month is a little bit quick to jump to the I love you's, especially when you aren't even in a relationship with her.

If you didn't already push her out of reach, you can only fix this by accepting the fact that she's not ready and wait if you truly think she's the one, that's if the damage has not already been done.

I wish you the best of luck my friend.

[slapshot_oi]

It's only been a month since you met her, there is no commitment, you two already have had sex and she spent a day crying over her ex boyfriend: all signs point to a rebound relationship.

You've already exhausted your options by telling her that you have feelings for her and that you want to advance the relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same, she was clear about this by saying "...you aren't allowed to love me" and "I'm not ready for a relationship". There's nothing else you can do.

She hasn't moved on from her last relationship because she spent an entire day in hysterics over something her ex boyfriend said. If she had moved on, she wouldn't have answered the phone to begin with. She is in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone.

Your next move would be to tell her this, "I want a relationship, but it's clear that you can't provide me with that and it's stressing me out. We can't see each other anymore." Then, stop contacting her completely. Easier said than done, but, necessary.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are very well perhaps scaring her to death, perhaps thinking of you as almost a stalker, if you are already telling some poor girl that you just meet a month ago, and have not dated, who does not want a relationship that you "love" her it is way too much too fast.

You can tell her you like her and would like to date her, but you have way passed normal boundries

[talaniman]

Frankly guy, you are much to carried away after a month and way to overboard with your expectations. Enjoy the benefits while they last and go with the flow. And knock off this love crap! She is a free agent, single enjoying your benefits, no more, no less, dating with no commitment as you learn more of each other.

If you cannot handle that, its you who are not ready for a mature dating experience. That will bite you hard in the butt down the road. Control yourself my gosh!!! Its only been a month, and basically you are a rebound with benefits! She has her own issues to resolve, so pushing for titles, commitments and babies is ABSURD!

Slow your roll eager beaver.

[Bloodhound8]

Thank You all for your advice, I know I am pushing to fast, so I will slow it down. But, I have asked her if what I am saying is scaring her, I don't know if she is lying or not, but she said no it is not. I will slow it down I promise, I hope I haven't gotten rid of my chances with her, but it does not seem like it, our relationship is still the same, if not, it seems better, because we do seem to be getting closer to be honest. Now I may be blind or in denial, but I just don't think she is the kind of person to.. well, get scared from such things, just because the way she talks. She is too smart, insightful if you will. She knows what she wants and how to get it. By the way, the whole day spent crying, I just figured out that it was not solely because of her ex, and before we met she had not been in a relationship for a few months, regardless, thank you all for your help and feel free to reply to what I have just said. Take care.

[slapshot_oi]

...I have asked her if what I am saying is scaring her, I don't know if she is lying or not, but she said no it is not.

She is speaking truth. She's not scared by you or what you've said. In this moment, what scares her the most, along with other fresh singles, is loneliness. But, this fear is temporary; your role is temporary.

Once she realizes that she can deal with the pain on her own, she won't need you around anymore.

I've been in your shoes before. Here's a 4-year-old post I made about a girl I thought I had feelings for, you'll notice that I, like you, over-analyzed everything this girl said and did.

I can tell you with confidence that it's not going to last. The over-under on rebounds is about 2 months.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but, you need to break it off.

... our relationship is still the same, if not, it seems better, because we do seem to be getting closer to be honest.

If your relationship with her was actually better than you thought, then you wouldn't have come here in the first place.

[Bloodhound8]

Your... as much as I hate to say it... 100% right. But I don't just want to break it off, I could not bring myself to do it. Is there a way.. any way, that I can change this? If not, maybe, there is somewhere to start?

Your post helped a lot by the way... a lot. And I know I keep asking questions, but I am just naïve and well, looking for a solution, but should I talk to her about my thoughts, or should I ask if she believes I am a rebound?

What I mean to say is; is there any possibility that I could gather more information on what is going on, from her, that could change my look, and your look, on what seems to be inevitable?

Thanks...

Veni Vidi Vici

[slapshot_oi]

...but I don't just want to break it off, I could not bring myself to do it. Is there a way..any way, that I can change this?

Of course you don't want to, no one wants to end a relationship. Your reputation and ego are on the line. Your ego will take a hit from being dumped, and that makes moving on much more difficult. If you end it and immediately stop contacting her, which includes ignoring her texts and calls (this is very important), you'll be proud of yourself for taking control and resisting temptation. As a result, the recovery time will be much shorter.

...but should I talk to her about my thoughts, or should I ask if she believes I am a rebound?

That's pointless. If you ask her if this is a rebound relationship, she'll probably say it isn't because 1) she doesn't want to hurt you, or 2) she doesn't realize it is a rebound. But, in the off chance that she says "yes", what would you do?

What I mean to say is; is there any possibility that I could gather more information on what is going on, from her, that could change my look, and your look, on what seems to be inevitable?

You will gain nothing from gathering information, at best it doesn't affect you, but in all likelihood it will just be something else to over-think and stress about.

Save your reputation. Break up with her and stop all contact with her.

[talaniman]

Originally Posted by Bloodhound8
What I mean to say is; is there any possibility that I could gather more information on what is going on, from her, that could change my look, and your look, on what seems to be inevitable?

"Enjoy the benefits while they last and go with the flow. And knock off this love crap! She is a free agent, single enjoying your benefits, no more, no less, dating with no commitment as you learn more of each other."

If you last six months, you evaluate your best next move. What's your all fired up hurry?? Relax and enjoy, and she will to!

Too much, Too fast, crash and burn!!!!!!

Stay cool, calm, collected and under control, no matter what happens!

[liz28]

Yes, you need to move on and be carefully who you need in your heart. She is not over her ex and listen to what a person is telling you.

[Bloodhound8]

"Enjoy the benefits while they last and go with the flow. And knock off this love crap! She is a free agent, single enjoying your benefits, no more, no less, dating with no commitment as you learn more of each other."

If you last six months, you evaluate your best next move. Whats your all fired up hurry???? Relax and enjoy, and she will to!

Too much, Too fast, crash and burn!!!!!!

Stay cool, calm, collected and under control, no matter what happens!

thanks man, il see you in 6 months ^.^ all is going well

[I wish]

Focus on getting to know each other better and let things flow naturally. Look at it this way, the better she knows you, the more information she will have to decide whether you're good for her.

It works the other way aroudn, you've only known her for a month. She seems amazing and maybe you like her more than any other girl you've liked before, but it's still only been a month nor matter how we look at it. So maybe after 2 more months, you might realize she's not for you.

She obviously hasn't cut you out of her life, so she obviously wants to get to know you better as well. She's going through some rebound issues, because of her ex boyfriend, so it's probably a good thing that she's staying single until she's sure of what she wants.

Therefore, all signs point to you spending time getting to know her better, enjoy your company with each other and if you were meant to be together, at least you would have given each other the chance now to see if you're compatible.

You should only really focus on getting to know each other better, having fun and after a certain period, you'll both know if you're good for each other.

But you need more time, so be patient.

[Supermanhere]

Just ask her out... be chill... go with it... complement her... be nice... dress nice and take care of yourself... and then BAM she's with you.
Hope this helps,
-Superman :P

[Bloodhound8]

I hope it all goes well, but just so you know, despite me only knowing her for a month, I just know she's the one, no questions asked. It is odd. It really is a feeling like none I have ever experienced in my life. This time it is different. But slow? Yes I will take it as slow as I can. I have no problems with that at all, I was just in a rush to be with her, I never really thought of her feelings and where she was at this time in her life. I told her that, and she respects it. Everything is going well :). Thank you again!

"But you need more time, so be patient."

I will do that :)

[I wish]

I think there's nothing wrong with you being so sure of you self. So if it's true, after 1 month, you're so sure, then give it more time to confirm this feeling. If you still feel this way about her as time goes on, then you'll really have confirmation.

But remember her feelings are developing at a different pace. Give her time to feel more strongly about you.