[talaniman]

And would it be possible that slowing things down would help us?

Absolutely. 2 months is only enough time to barely know someone and know what they mean to you. If you have issues you are learning to communicate and trust each other. Going slow means don't have unreasonable expectations of one another. It means letting the relationship develop at a pace where you grow together. A year down the road you both will have a healthier apprieciation for the others feeling, and hopes, and dreams and will know each other enough to make better decisions about your futures. I certainly don't think that's the case now.

[Devoted732]

So what kind of suggestions would you give to slowing things down? Do I not call often or express my feelings? We were both telling each other our feelings were very strong and he also said to me that he likes me more than a lot. Our feelings were very intense and I think that's what scared him. Do you think I should tell him that I do not expect him to be around me 24/7... that I don't expect him to call me all the time or text or stuff like that? This is the first guy I have really liked a lot and I have been in long term relationships before... none with feelings this intense and none that moved as fast. Any other people out there with advice would greatly help as well... And that "absolutely" you stated before... is that to improving the relationship and making his fears less about commitment?

[Devoted732]

Hi all... so as most of you know who have read my past post, I am dating someone who has commitment problems. I wanted to just give a brief update of what has been going on since he has said he wanted to slow things down and if someone could give me some advice that would be great!
After he said he wanted to slow things down, he wanted me to stay the next day all day to watch movies and stuff and then wanted to do lunch the following day.. So, I have been taking it upon myself to control the slowing down. I have not seen him since last Monday. He has been texting me everyday and calling... I have been letting him make the moves with the texts and phone calls because I don't want to call him to push him away more and make his anxieties worse. I have been giving the space.. making myself less available. I did ask him over an IM though if we were still bf/gf.. and just taking things slow and his response was, "yes, although it doesn't feel like it". My reply was, "yeah, because we haven't seen each other".. and he said, "I think we slowed down a lot".
I did read a book called, "Men who Can't love" and some of what it says regarding men who have commitment phobia fit him to a T just not as severe as some of the cases that I have read. It does say though that when they ask for space, to not call and make myself available so I have been doing that. I am afraid though that that might ruin the relationship even though it says that it won't. Because of this, I walk on egg shells about what to do... how to answer the texts he sends... what to say on the phone... I try and hold back as much as I can to tell him I miss him. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle things?:confused:

[chuff]

I'm not trying to be mean about this but your dating a guy who already left someone else for you and that was only a couple months ago? Your're still infatuatied and you don't really know this guy at all. You sound like your smoothering him, and maybe your doing that because you know he can't be trusted since he dumped his last girlfriend for you. But I think your getting to serious to soon and you should back off like the book says.

[talaniman]

You need to slow way down and get to know each other much better than you do now. I've asked you before what kind of commitment can you expect after a few months? Not realistic, or healthy to be talking commitment at all at this point. GO SLOW, very slow. At this point you should be enjoying each other and not walking on egg shells.

[Wildcat21]

Keep that up!! Keep it up!!

I'd be busy doing other things.

I agree - go SLOW!!

You seem a little obseesed with this as well.

[urstruly85]

A new relationship should be about having fun, getting to know each other more, not walking on egg shells, and not knowing how to react to the things he does. I did not read your other post but from this one its seems that maybe you should break it off. If he dumped his other girl for you and now he's telling you he needs space or to slow it down, maybe it isn't going to be a healthy relationship down the road. Plus it seems you 2 are rushing into a relationship. Take some time instead of being bf/gf be friends first...

[Devoted732]

Firstly, I'm not obsessed with this... Secondly, I received an email from him saying that I make him happy but he has these commitment issues that he needs to work on and thinks we shouldn't be exclusive right now... I haven't seen him in two weeks anyway so now I am doing my own thing and dating around. If two people hit it off and connect really well and are into each other, then I do not think that rushing is a big deal. I know a lot of couples that have rushed into a relationship and they are married now! However, it was NEVER me rushing. I was dealing with a commitment phobic person and if you know the signs with someone like this, they keep wooing you until they get you. They rush things... and then pooff.. it's over because they can't handle their feelings.. unfortunately this was my case and I am out of it as of yesterday. I took my things from his place which was hard on it's own because he was giving me a run around about getting them but I did... and now it's just the trying to get over all the nice things he has said and done in the beginning that made me crazy about him. We had a fabulous two months... it was all fun! Very confusing.

[talaniman]

Good to hear this. The confusion can be put behind you.