[annieloe]

Hi! I guess we have the same situation. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We also argue.. But what I can suggest you is to talk to your bf, open up things to him.. tell him about how you feel. maybe the reason why sometimes he's pissed is because he's tired from his training. Show him you care. Dont argue with him. Let him feel that you're still there for him. Give it a time. If you still feel like he doesnt care anymore then maybe its time to let go. Or talk to him, ask him if he wants space or anything. Then try not to communicate with him. Maybe that time he'll realize what he really want. If you love him, hold on to that. But if he doesnt seem to care anymore, let go.. give yourself a time to think also. make urself busy. with my situation, I opened everything with my bf, and now.. were even better and stronger. because it takes two people for a relationship to work. Dont stress yourself too much! Always think positive! Kind regards :)

Thanks joyce! But the sad part is, he already broke up with me giving me reson like he fell out of love and saying just for now I should let him go, that maybe one day we can make it again.. hmm he still try to contact me till now but I don't know if I should still keep in touch with him or not...

[WisperWill70]

It sounds like he wants to be your friend and is trying to work through the problems you had and his feelings about things (your needs your insecurities)... if you cut him off because he's not giving you what you need and you're still holding on to him and "needing" -- it won't work!

You have to legitimately focus on your own life outside of him no matter if you're friends and talking or cutting off contact completely. If you weren't focusing on "winning him back" contact with him wouldn't upset you so much. (you wanting something he can't give) and you can continue to grow your relationship -- if you can't handle that and keep falling into obsessing about what he's doing, when he's calling, why he still isn't wanting to be with you , etc. etc. -- then maybe "friendship" is not where YOU'RE at.

There's nothing wrong with asking for a little space to focus on you for awhile to move on with your life.

You have to let go even if you guys can get back together later.

[annieloe]

Thank you for answering WhisperWill! ;)

Im really having so much hard time nowadays.. no matter how much I try to keep myself busy I just can't help but to think about it..

Honestly, I don't want to reply to his messaged because I want him to think things over and realize if he really doesn't need me anymore. But another reason is, I worry that if I will answer his messages and later he stop replying I know it will just upset me (cuz it happened the last time).

Actually I thoughy we can be casual, like what I thought he wants, broke uo but stay in touch, but he seems like playing push and pull on me, because when he broke up with me I told him I want to cut-off our communication but he said he wants to keep it and when I finally agreed, he doesn't contact me well. I don't know if he is just waiting for me to start the conversation or what...

It might sound so weak and embarrassing but, I don't know how to handle thus situation in a cool way... I feel like I am crazy because I don't want to answer his messages but I get crazy waiting if he will text me again even if I ignored his last message...

[WisperWill70]

You get crazy because part of you wants to ignore his messages (protect yourself from hurt or feel in control) and another part wants contact and reassurance... so you're waiting and watching to see if he'll message you.

He has some of the same feelings - he probably wants both space to figure himself out AND to connect to you, have you near, know what's going on, check in.. (hence the push pull)...

You CAN say, "I just need a little time to focus on me" and so you can both figure things out.

If you do keep the friendship - you're going to have to turn over a new leaf -- being strong and not depending on him (whether he answers, how fast he answers, etc.) is one leaf you'll need to turn! That way he can see your strong side. Stop playing games by ignoring him and hoping he'll wake up and like you more. Interact with this guy if you care about him -- or just ask for some space and time to move on!

Don't worry - there's no "cool" way --- just take it day by day :)

[annieloe]

You get crazy because part of you wants to ignore his messages (protect yourself from hurt or feel in control) and another part wants contact and reassurance.... so you're waiting and watching to see if he'll message you.

He has some of the same feelings - he probably wants both space to figure himself out AND to connect to you, have you near, know what's going on, check in.. (hence the push pull) ....

you CAN say, "I just need a little time to focus on me" and so you can both figure things out.

If you do keep the friendship - you're going to have to turn over a new leaf -- being strong and not depending on him (whether he answers, how fast he answers, etc.) is one leaf you'll need to turn! that way he can see your strong side. Stop playing games by ignoring him and hoping he'll wake up and like you more. Interact with this guy if you care about him -- or just ask for some space and time to move on!

Don't worry - there's no "cool" way --- just take it day by day :)

I remember myself thinking why is it so hard to be strong, at one point you feel so strong thinking you can survive well without him and the other day you just suddenly feel so weak, almost giving up...

You know what, I asked him the last time what he meant by "just for now" and if he just really wants friendship and we really can't be "us" anymore but he still gave me d same answer. "it can be forever or it can be just now.. we dont know"..
So it's hard for me to turn my back and go away because I feel like there's still sonething between us.. thou I also think that maybe it's just his "break up line"..

Anyway, really thanks a lot! Your responses made me feel positive :) I hope things will get better.♥

[WisperWill70]

Just remember the common theme in all the responses to all the threads --- is:

For you to feel better, for you to grow stronger, working on your feelings about yourself and your NEEDS (making him responsible for your feelings, whether you're happy or sad) Will TOTALLY help this situation! If you're not coming from "need" you won't swing between avoiding and crazy clinging attachment. You'll feel strong about yourself because YOU are responsible for your feelings and changing you :)

Focus on you: that means -- think about what you are thinking about 24/7 -- is it him? Is that really loving to yourself? Keeping yourself stuck and defining yourself by whether this guy likes/loves you? No that won't do. For your relationships to get better, your relationship to yourself needs some improving. Allowing yourself to turn your attention to what immediately needs your energy and what you need in order to be happy and healthy is a priority. Choose to be happy for YOU... not to get him back. Do other things, things, you like, encourage yourself to live and not wait around.

Good luck ! Take each day one tiny bite at a time.

[annieloe]

Just remember the common theme in all the responses to all the threads --- is:

For you to feel better, for you to grow stronger, working on your feelings about yourself and your NEEDS (making him responsible for your feelings, whether you're happy or sad) Will TOTALLY help this situation! If you're not coming from "need" you won't swing between avoiding and crazy clinging attachment. You'll feel strong about yourself because YOU are responsible for your feelings and changing you :)

Focus on you: that means -- think about what you are thinking about 24/7 -- is it him? Is that really loving to yourself? Keeping yourself stuck and defining yourself by whether this guy likes/loves you? No that won't do. For your relationships to get better, your relationship to yourself needs some improving. Allowing yourself to turn your attention to what immediately needs your energy and what you need in order to be happy and healthy is a priority. Choose to be happy for YOU ... not to get him back. Do other things, things, you like, encourage yourself to live and not wait around.

Good luck ! Take each day one tiny bite at a time.

Hi whillwhispher.. I just want to share to you.. today we've talked. And he told me that we can never fix our relationship anymore and he just want to be frens. He said he wants me to let him go from my heart. That he doesn't think and miss me anymore.. I guess it's more than enough to accept it's over. Ill start picking up the pieces. Thank you so much

[talaniman]

Then leave him alone until he is gone from your heart. That may take a while, and then a real friendship can have a chance and not a fake one that hurts you both, and prevents healing, and getting beyond the old feelings.

[annieloe]

Then leave him alone until he is gone from your heart. That may take a while, and then a real friendship can have a chance and not a fake one that hurts you both, and prevents healing, and getting beyond the old feelings.

yeah I guess you are right. I need to take time to heal. I'll remember your advices. Thank you so much^^