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    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
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    #121

    Feb 25, 2007, 05:49 PM
    Well good luck with that then :)
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #122

    Feb 25, 2007, 06:49 PM
    I never said you hated her or the relationship. Hate is not a word I use. Don't put words in my mouth. There are numerous posts from you in the past though saying you didn't enjoy it. Fair enough. There are also numerous posts where you have told us how happy you are now.

    Kaitou's posts above are spot on the money in my opinion! Damn rep system.

    I know where you are. Trust me. I have been there.

    Do you think she has changed, or do you think you want her to be changed so much that you see her as changed.

    You are blind by your love for her. That's fine.

    But you still seem to keep running from the fact that she left you. Not just the relationship, but you as well. It is over and over for a reason. Look I would love for her to come back to you and you share a happy and fulfilling life together. But the chances of that happening are next to nothing. As much as id love to see you happy with her, id hate to see you waste so much time feeling miserable and waiting for her to come back when she more than likely isn't.

    Id much prefer to see you begin to truly heal. I'm not sure that you are yet. But it is a process and it takes time. We have all felt like you do now in own situations and it is nothing out of the ordinary!
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #123

    Feb 25, 2007, 07:23 PM
    I'm looking for a pattern. Did you, or anybody else, post breakup have this conversation with your ex? I don't mean a forced conversation where, when cornered, they tell you what you want to hear. I mean the conversation where she volunteers to come, confesses all that, admits that a lot of the problems she once thought were my fault, were hers, and spends much of her time trying to convince me she's a better person, without the intention of getting me back. Because, remember, she image she has in her mind of my life, isn't the same as the one that's reality. She's heard of my exploits with my rebound girl/s and believes I have no hope for her. She knows I know she's got some other dude on the line, so for all intents and purposes, she believes I'm over it, and it's a done deal.

    Is this an ordinary conversation to have, or is this unusual?
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #124

    Feb 25, 2007, 08:26 PM
    Rant part 2. The Revenge!
    Picking up where I left off before, here's part two of a rant. After life is what you make it.

    Here's the deal, exceptions bar none, nobody is looking for advice. They're looking for an accomplice, myself included. It's easy to disregard the advice of others, especially when you think your situation is different from theirs. That's what makes it easy to ignore, but the reality of life is, IT IS DIFFERENT. This is a double edged sword. When wildcat (No offense, I'm just picking a name I like, no personal attack here, I'll pick chuff next time) breaks up with my girlfriend, wildcat can say he knows what's best for me because he knows my girlfriend. Wildcat didn't get dumped by my girlfriend. Wildcat doesn't know as much about her as I do. So try not to hold the advice of others in high esteem, but on the other hand, don't disrespect the advice of others because, in the end, you came asking for it. AND I PUT THIS PART IN CAPS BECAUSE ITS IMPORTANT, you need to listen and pay attention. I catch a lot of flak for going against the advice of others, but in reality, I do appreciate their help, and I am paying attention. But I'm an experiential learner. I'm the kid that still puts his hand on the stove after mom told me not to. That's when I stop doing it. You may be too, but that's up to you.

    I have considered the idea that I'm crazy and delusional, and it's not out of the question, but on the other hand, I don't agree. Emotions play an important part in the situation of a relationship. It's not all just about the facts, because as stated in my earlier rant, there's only one fact involved in a breakup, everything else is speculation. Nobody knows that my ex girlfriend didn't leave me to date mike tyson. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No. that being said I, and YOU are left to your own best logic to determine what the right course of action for you is. Personally, and this is a dangerous opinion to have, so don't pick on me too much, believe that if the advice of a bunch of people stops me from doing what I want to do anyway, I must not have felt that seriously about it. In my situation, I've yet to find a single individual on this board that agrees with my course of action, and I'm aware of this. Yet I do it anyway. Why is that? I don't know, but it'll be a learning experience when I find out.

    Am I looking for a series of people to tell me what I want to hear? Could be. Am I looking for an answer to a question that can't be answered yet? Most definitely. The point I'm getting at is that before you do anything, anything at all, you have a responsibility to yourself to weigh out all the options. If you still choose to do it, you're on your own, but don't be surprised if other people were right.

    Off the topic of me, and back on the general matter at hand. Love is not anything people can understand. It's not a fact and it isn't a science. It's not particularly predictable, and it sure as hell isn't easy to come by. That's why every single person here there and everywhere needs to understand something. You don't need a relationship. You'll live and die all the same with or without a partner. It's an added perk to life, but it's by no means guaranteed. So here's the lesson of the day. When you choose to play the game and fall in love, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE, SO PREPARE TO GET BURNED. You'll get burned more than you'll get what you want. In fact, you're guaranteed to get burned an infinite number of times, and it's only POSSIBLE to get what you want once. Like those odds? Nobody does, but people do it anyway.

    So here's the tie in. We all know true love, statistically speaking, is highly improbable, but people do it anyway. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Why hang somebody out to dry for playing those odds with an ex? It may seem stupid, but then again so does trying for true love, yet nobody seems to blame the guy at the bar as much as the guy calling his ex 1012039120 times. Why is that? Very few people understand the person that's crying to his ex 242340 times, yet they think it's stupid? It's just as stupid to try to meet somebody you'll fall in love with.

    Moral of the story. Don't blame people for doing stupid things. It's in our nature to do stupid things for a reason. Try to play nice, but to the people doing stupid things: Try to realize that most of the time, people are smarter than you.
    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
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    #125

    Feb 25, 2007, 10:18 PM
    Have the thought that maybe the intention behind her confession to you was a closure for herself? Her personal growth could have made her realize own mistake, and now she's feeling really bad and guilty. And just really want to apologize to you.
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #126

    Feb 25, 2007, 10:47 PM
    No, I did not think of that, and it's tips like that, that make me reconsider my plan of action. I'll weigh that in too, thank you. My first reaction is, that it's plausible, but I'd argue that it's a natural part of the process, one way or the other. While I think that it's a large motivating factor, I'd also argue that if that was the majority of her purpose, she'd discontinue contact in most forms. She's encouraging me to stay in touch, and knows full well I'm not interested in talking about tiddleywinks. She also knows that I'm gunning to get her back, and were I in her shoes with your mindset, I'd look to end contact after she's been absolved of her guilt. We'll see, I'll think on it more. Thanks again.
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #127

    Feb 25, 2007, 10:52 PM
    Also, on top of that, I ask the question, if this was a goal at making peace with herself, for whatever her reasons being. It wouldn't make sense that she'd go on about how much X Y and Z that she does in her day to day life remind me of her. And that she was upset by X Y and Z that she heard I said.

    Meaning if she's just feeling sorry for me, even knowing I was right and looking to just call it even with herself, I don't think she'd allude to having feelings towards me. Particularly I don't think she'd be obsessing over what I've been doing, because it became clear to me within minutes she'd been just as obsessive as I have been. I'll add more tomorrow if I come up with more. Thanks again.
    rol's Avatar
    rol Posts: 804, Reputation: 162
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    #128

    Feb 26, 2007, 03:18 AM
    Hi ForeverZero,
    Well you seem intelligent, so just do what you think is best. Every situation is different.
    Good luck,
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #129

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:25 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverZero
    So here's the lesson of the day. When you choose to play the game and fall in love, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE, SO PREPARE TO GET BURNED.
    Quite true, however, you reduce this risk if through experience you learn to open your heart to the right person and this is through good judgment, instinct and a little courage too. There will still be a risk of being burned and you will still be playing with fire but it is a risk one must take to achieve happiness through love.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #130

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:40 AM
    If any thing you said where true you wouldn't have to work so hard to convince yourself. You have assumed a lot about her thoughts and actions which is very dangerous, and gives you a false reality. While I agree it takes longer than 2 months to get over a 2 year relationship, You have done nothing to heal yourself and get healthy. You have not moved on and are still holding on and fooling yourself with false logic, that happens to match what you want, and is no way based in fact. In other words delusional at this point and unhealthy for you both. Go back and look what you've posted since you've been here, and see how stuck you've been. At some point you must stop analyzing, and start acting in your own behalf.
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #131

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:51 AM
    In the end foreverzero, you will give up on all this analyzing. I've been there, trust me, but in time, you will just give up and begin your path of healing. Like Skell says, I don't think you are quite at that point yet.
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #132

    Feb 26, 2007, 05:52 AM
    Like tal says above, never assume what she is thinking or feeling.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #133

    Feb 26, 2007, 06:36 AM
    Same rules apply to everyone, Live and Learn. Some learn more quick than others.
    JDOP's Avatar
    JDOP Posts: 94, Reputation: 7
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    #134

    Feb 26, 2007, 06:59 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverZero

    Love is not anything people can understand. It's not a fact and it isn't a science. It's not particularly predictable, and it sure as hell isn't easy to come by.
    I humbly disagree. I didn't think love was a predictable thing also. Learning from the experiences with my ex and from other people's stories, I have changed my mind. Love is a chemical reaction in your brain. That's all there's to it. I took the advice people told me here (experienced people) and guess what, everything they predicted became true. I'll always remember Wildcat's favorite line: "people want what they can't have". At first I didn't believe it could be that simple. I thought human behaviour has got to be more complex than that. The truth is that human psychology -especially when it comes to love- is as predictable as any other human behaviour, just like drinking eating and sleeping. Because you (we) were dumped, we cannot see the simplicity of it, because we are blinded by our own emotions. And even that is predictable behaviour.
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #135

    Mar 17, 2007, 08:00 PM
    Anybody that's been following me
    She came back.

    All the planning and scheming I resorted to has brought me to this very moment when I finally reap the rewards of what I've sewn.

    I don't want her back anymore, she hasn't changed a bit and I've wised up to her game.

    Thanks for all the helpful advice that I chose to ignore, ultimately you guys were right, but for the wrong reasons, but I appreciate it all the same. I'm enjoying single life, and will continue to do so. It ain't so bad.
    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
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    #136

    Mar 17, 2007, 08:11 PM
    Well look on the bright side, at least you tried everything you possibly can :). I still look back sometimes and regret that I didn't try hard enough.

    But anyway at least you finally made up your mind! Good luck with everything
    sypher373's Avatar
    sypher373 Posts: 360, Reputation: 38
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    #137

    Mar 17, 2007, 11:46 PM
    I must admit I'm sort of jealous to know you know have all the power...

    Good luck in whatever comes zero
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #138

    Apr 6, 2007, 09:21 AM
    Reconciliation part 2
    Recently I've been reconsidering the idea of getting back together with my ex seriously. It's a confusing ordeal, but the long story short is that she dumped me, realized most of the problems of the relationship are her fault, then tried to say she's only like that with me, then tried to get back together, but she really hadn't changed much so I turned her down. After that she then turned around and accused me of causing all the problems, we had a big blow up, she returned to not caring anymore, and that's where we're at.

    So what I'm getting at for you guys, is that I honestly see a lot of potential. Things went sour fast between us once we started patching up because she's not ready yet, she said it herself, she's not the person she wants to be, and needs to figure things out for herself for a while. When I left her alone for a few months, she started seeing things my way, which leads me to believe leaving her alone will be good in general for both of us. When we last spoke, we left it at she was going to get ahold of me when she's finished patching herself up or whatever.

    So what would you guys do? I see a lot of potential in getting back together, she sometimes does, sometimes doesn't, which is a good indication to stay away, however I'm feeling inclined to give her a call to smooth things over a bit, because they got real ugly last time we talked and I said a lot of things I didn't mean. After that I'd like to just leave things be, because it's out of my hands. Communication lines have been open for a while, and one of the reasons I'm keeping my distance is because I have the tendency to want to help her with this, but either she won't let me or there's nothing I can do anyway, so I learned my lesson on that on that one.

    In summary: make that call to say my piece in the good way? Last time we spoke it was angry I hate you make peace with myself. This time it'd be good, you're not as bad as I come across make my peace.

    As far as emotions go, I can do with or without this call, so I'm not really dwelling as much as I would have in the past, I just feel inclined to smooth things over so they don't turn ugly if we run into each other in person.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #139

    Apr 6, 2007, 09:29 AM
    Dude move on... WAY too much drama to handle... go find a NORMAL healthy gal.

    I have a STRONG feeling - and you have already seen this - once the coast is clear she will go back to her ways.

    She takes you for granted. Find a loving woman.

    Bo not make that call.

    And we need to change your handle. Think positive. Confidence.
    ForeverZero's Avatar
    ForeverZero Posts: 312, Reputation: 82
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    #140

    Apr 6, 2007, 09:41 AM
    Well, my theory on that, is that there's a difference between change and growth. Change is temporary. Change is when you be somebody different for somebody else's sake, or because somebody told you that you had to. That's when people revert and nothing happens. Growth is when you realize that you're not the kind of person you want to be, and make an effort to become a better one. Growth takes a lot of time and a lot inner strength, and that's why I turned her down in the first place. It's been 4 months, and at the 3 month mark she was just starting to realize she needed to grow, so there's no overnight fixing happening here, which I'd be wary of.

    I'm usually pretty spot on with people, and I think she's going to be one of the ones that actually grows instead of ignoring the problem. After all, I spent 2 years of my life with her, and so far I'm batting a thousand on what's been going on in her head. Thanks for the help and keep it coming dude.

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