Check out some similar questions!

underthegun · May 8, 2012, 12:26 PM

Hey guys, so I am meeting up with an ex girlfriend this week.

We've had no communication for the entire 16 months that we've been broken up, which felt needed. The breakup was mutual, and we had dated almost 6 years.

In the meantime, I dated another girl for about a year out of these 16 months, we've been broken up for about 8 weeks, no contact.

How it went down
I was going through and re-organizing old photos and videos on my computer and stumbled across some of me and the 6-year ex, with her niece in them, and thought that her brother (the niece's daddy) might want them, so I emailed them to her. She said 'thanks', asked me for some others of a trip we went on together, and then we started chatting about other things going on.

It felt natural for me to suggest getting tea together and chatting, so I did just that. She said 'sure', and we're meeting up this week. I'm still not sure if this was the best judgement call by me, but alas... it is in motion.

Now
So, what am I looking for? What do I want out of this? I'm really not sure, I just feel that we are both beyond the breakup, seeing it's been 16 months, and legitimately thought we could possibly now be 'friends', or just see how one another is doing, anyhow. She might even have a boyfriend for all I know, although I'm not sure she'd be willing to meet up with me if she did.

Any suggestions on how to handle the situation?
I plan on keeping the meeting short, simple, and light-hearted.

mmresd · May 8, 2012, 03:52 PM

Leave it in the past, cancel the date and go back to no contact, there is NO reason whatsoever to open old wounds. Throw away stuff about her and remove her from your life completely.

Confused81 · May 8, 2012, 05:11 PM

What are you looking to accomplish from meeting her? Sex? Closure? I agree w mm leave it in the past there is no reason to meet up w her.

underthegun · May 8, 2012, 06:55 PM

No sex or closure. It's far beyond that, 16 months.

I was thinking of just checking in for a 1/2 hour and seeing where she is in general.

That's it. She lives 3 hours away and I'm visiting a good guy friend that day, so it
Just seemed to work out.

Is meeting up with any ex, period, just a disaster waiting to happen? I had an ex prior to her that I dated for a year, and we met up quite a bit later on in life, and are fine friends, etc.

talaniman · May 8, 2012, 07:21 PM

If you don't make this a big deal, then it won't be.

jaffeyjoeblaze · May 9, 2012, 02:18 AM

Sounds like your subconscious mind wants to reconnect and start a fling or relationship with this ex... get over it and let it go... and don't find excuses to visit an ex... it seems like you aren't over it.

joypulv · May 9, 2012, 02:45 AM

I am good friends with an ex, who is now married to a former roommate of mine, and I am glad of it. I see no reason to make a blanket rule about getting together. And I see nothing here that suggests you can't handle it. Just be prepared for her to ask you what it might mean, if she is lonely. And if you don't know what it might mean - well, that's OK too. Sure you could end up trying again; so what if it fails again? I see no signs of having gone through hell and back.

underthegun · May 9, 2012, 05:52 AM

Thanks for all the input, folks.

Yeah, I won't make a big deal out of it. Simple and short.
6 years is a while, it seems OK to poke for a minute and see what lies there.
I'm keeping an open mind, with really no intentions.
I also now feel strong enough now handle any curve-balls as well.

underthegun · May 22, 2012, 08:31 PM

So, me and a friend headed out to Detroit (2.5 hours away), to meet-up with his sister,
Another mutual friend of ours, and my ex ex girlfriend.

The meeting with the ex ex went very smoothly. It was a bit awkward at first, being
17 or so months since any communication, but we got along fine. It ended up being
A 2 hour chat between the 2 of us. General catching up, discussing directions in our
Lives, no past, keeping it that way. We shared many laughs too, which felt really good.

I was glad to say that even by the end I didn't really feel much in the way of our past
Love connection, just more a care for one another as friends that had spent so much
Time together in the past.

Turns out, she is dating a 39 year old, 14 years older than herself. She said she was very happy, as I also said I was, and for her. I didn't ask, but thought her boyfriend must be pretty rad to let her hang with an ex for a couple of hours. We hugged when we met and hugged when we parted.