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LittleLadyRed · May 2, 2012, 07:58 PM

Usually quite the dilemma, say something or keep quiet?

Since starting university I've gone through 2 crushes and I don't see anything wrong with that. I tend to get quite intense with these crushes in a way that I am eager and keen to get to know them and be around them to find out they are complete twats and then lose interest. A pretty face is something, but if it comes attached with a horrible personality it automatically makes them less attractive in my eyes.
The two go hand in hand.

Three's a charm they say and this is where my issue commences. I had something happen to me about a day ago that's left me quite bewildered.
I know a guy from one of my lectures, I've talked to him a few times when he has bothered to show up and we get along just fine. Pretty face too.

So yesterday out of the fricking blue, he decides to drop a bomb shell on me and asks if I want to join him for a movie at his flat. Just like that, after 11 weeks of knowing each other and only ever talking 4 or 5 times, BOOM! I hold on to my desk for support and tell myself, 'Holy s***, is this really happening?'.

A few days prior to that I decided to make a critical decision in regards to self improvement. I decided that it was time to say 'yes' more often than 'no'. I never allow myself to do something different, to f***up and learn from my mistakes because I am a coward. I am too scared of the consequences.

I tell myself, 'Why the heck not? What have I got to lose? He's told me he finds me very pretty so there could be something there'. We live in adjacent buildings so off I go at 2 in the morning, 'Let's do this thing!'.
FYI I made it perfectly clear I am not the kind of girl for just doing anything remotely sexual with someone I don't know. Whatever you want to call it, I don't do it.

I get there, we watch the movie, we chat while drifting in and out of sleep and I let him cuddle with me because usually I'm not one for getting so close so soon. Still keeping with my new 'yes' rule. Fast forward. We wake up, I hang around for a while and he offers to walk me out of the building which was nice. We hug, I thank him for the night because I did have fun and I'd never done that before. All is cool.

Now, after that, things have gotten very awkward. All of a sudden, as soon as I took those steps to walk away, he's become incredibly distant. I give him a text later on, ask how he is, how are things bla bla. I pause for a moment and think, 'Am I being clingy'? I hold off the texts and try not to talk to him even though I really want to. I had a good night you know? But now that I have this in my head I think and I carry on thinking for the majority of the day and now I have driven myself crazy thinking about it.

I just want to know, 'What's the deal?'.
What was last night about? Was I used as a comfort blanket because he was lonely? Does he honestly find me attractive?

Why has this one night affected me so badly? Because if his intentions were nothing but selfish I feel cheap, used and it is upsetting. I have such low self esteem and I thought what was happening was fantastic. 'A guy actually likes me!'
You don't build up a girl's hope like that just to crush it. That's not right.

Perhaps I said something wrong? Not that I know off.

So the final question: should I say something and ask him what that was about and where we stand... or... do I keep quiet, nibbling at my fingernails while trying not to talk to him and not go insane?

Not knowing is killing me.

indya · May 3, 2012, 01:58 AM

Just ask!

Though don't confront him and/or accuse him.

Casually put forward a text asking how he is. And you'll know.

LittleLadyRed · May 3, 2012, 04:46 AM

Originally Posted by indya

Just ask!

Though don't confront him and/or accuse him.

Casually put forward a text asking how he is. And you'll know.

So start the conversation like that and casually slip in the question(s)?
I am really awkward in social situations :(

I'm a little worried that he's going to avoid me if I were to ask, then if I don't, then I will never know. Decisions!

I was thinking of giving it a while, like a week or so and see if he initiated contact first because then surely, that means he's interested in talking? Because that's how the whole thing started. I was just minding my own business on gold old Facebook and he pops up and says hello.. we exchange numbers at the end.. hey presto!

redhed35 · May 3, 2012, 09:37 AM

Continue on with your life, all it was was a movie and a cuddle, you had a good time, nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps he thought he was going to get lucky, when he realised sex was off the table maybe he's thinking its not worth the chase? ( just surmising here),

Or,

You made an impact and he needs to process, he's taking HIS time so not to scare you off.

You could go around in circles for days or weeks wondering, so, let yourself off the hook, he asked you out before, he knows where to find you, so just do your own thing, get on with your everyday life, if he calls, great, if not, nothing lost, in fact YOU had a great night, thanks very much and move on.

JudyKayTee · May 3, 2012, 10:01 AM

Agree with Redhed who said it a lot better - and with fewer words - than I would have used.

If he was after sex and realized it wasn't going to happen he may be one of those guys who just walks away and moves on to his next victim.

Fr_Chuck · May 3, 2012, 11:54 AM

Seems like a girl who could write for a romance novel, and gets way to intense and way to involved in one date, It was a movie and a snuggle, perhaps he was wanting movie and wild sex and just because you said it was not going to be, he had hoped it would be anyway, Most girls who do have the wild sex will say they don't and then do it when they get there.

Or he may have not liked you that much after the first date, that is why you have a few dates and see. He does not need to "explain" anything, just not ask you out again if he does not want to.

Sorry, you seem to have thought or considered a date something much more than it was.

JudyKayTee · May 3, 2012, 12:16 PM

Just did a little research - you have a long history on AMHD of problems with dating, dates, relationships. Perhaps you should take some steps to get to know yourself better before you attempt to get into another relationship.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...e-423704.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...p-584227.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...es-600741.html

LittleLadyRed · May 3, 2012, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Seems like a girl who could write for a romance novel, and gets way to intense and way to involved in one date, It was a movie and a snuggle, perhaps he was wanting movie and wild sex and just because you said it was not going to be, he had hoped it would be anyway, Most girls who do have the wild sex will say they don't and then do it when they get there.

Or he may have not liked you that much after the first date, that is why you have a few dates and see. he does not need to "explain" anything, just not ask you out again if he does not want to.

Sorry, you seem to have thought or considered a date something much more than it was.

I never even considered it a date. I'm just a little lost because I don't really know what IT was. It's new territory for me.
I actually think he does need to explain, I would feel much more at peace to know the truth rather than just throwing out theories left and right and hope one fits.

I'm the kind of person that needs to know. If I knew, I'd feel much more happier to move on. And I will move on, it'll be on my mind for a while sure, but I'll eventually forget about it.

LittleLadyRed · May 3, 2012, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Just did a little research - you have a long history on AMHD of problems with dating, dates, relationships. Perhaps you should take some steps to get to know yourself better before you attempt to get into another relationship.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...e-423704.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...p-584227.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...es-600741.html

My history is terrible I admit. I never considered dating or anything of the sort. I just planned on leading an uneventful life for the next 3 years at university. Just the situation took me completely by surprise and I tend to over think things.

Clearly he doesn't want anything to do with me any more, whether he wanted sex or my personality isn't up to scratch, so I'm going to leave it as it is. Like someone else said, if he really does care, he knows where to find me.

LittleLadyRed · May 3, 2012, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

continue on with your life, all it was was a movie and a cuddle, you had a good time, nothing wrong with that.

perhaps he thought he was going to get lucky, when he realised sex was off the table maybe hes thinking its not worth the chase? ( just surmising here),

or,

you made an impact and he needs to process, hes taking HIS time so not to scare you off.

you could go around in circles for days or weeks wondering, so, let yourself off the hook, he asked you out before, he knows where to find you, so just do your own thing, get on with your everyday life, if he calls, great, if not, nothing lost, infact YOU had a great night, thanks very much and move on.

Best advice here yet because you looked at both possibilities :)

Thank you and that is what I decided to do. I shouldn't work myself up into a bother, I have deadlines for next week! Boy my first year of university went by so fast.

I had an excellent day today, I'm in such a good mood and I don't understand why. Your comment certainly helped.

Thank you very much once again :D