[lisasue13]

I 've been having an on again off again sexual affair with a man/neighbor for over 4 yrs. My daddy always taugjt me action talks bull Walks. I now made it clear I will be selling my home & moving somewhere within a few weeks to a few months... But I don't know where I am moving to.He replied I honestly will miss you whherever it is that you end up going Maybewe should get married he also said. I truly feel he was messing with my head & playing games with me. I had a tire blow out a few days later & TEXT HIM THIS I did note receive any call or reply to my text either. Which is quite rude.I sent 4 valentines day cards & he still did not call or do anything. I now feel like a total Jerk being enamored by a man who did not even respond to me after I senthim valentines day cards.Please respond EMAIL REMOVED

EDIT: ALL threads merged, and email address removed.

[talaniman]

My daddy always taught me action talks bull Walks.

Your daddy was right, your neighbor with benefits is full of bull, and he walked.

[answerme_tender]

Lisasue,

If he strutts his stuff like a Bull and every time he opens his mouth and you smell the odor of Sh*t then I would say that he is nothing more then a Bullsh*tter!!

No offense here but he isn't entirely to blame in this situation. Why buy the Cow when you can get the milk for free--ever heard of that saying!!

Believe it or not I am still amazed when I see this type of post were the woman is in shock of how she is treated as nothing more then a piece of meat by the man. Even in your own post you wrote "SEXUAL relationship". That to me indicates that the only type of contact he wants from you. He only wants sex--he doesn't want a commitment other then that.

Will he accept anything you give him--YEP. Just because he probably is fully aware that you want more and are giving more doesn't mean he won't suck you try until you wise up and put a stop to the using.

I would move on and consider this a hard lesson learned. When a man keeps you hanging with a bunch of pretty talk, and yet won't commit to a relationship other then in the bedroom its time to have enough SELF RESPECT for yourself to dump him before you fall for him.

Take care

[lisasue13]

Yes you are correct I heard the statement why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free. Our relationship has been on again off again for over 6 yrs. No I don't want to be just the friends with benefits gal. He finally now admits that now that I will be moving away soon he will miss me. He asked me to marry him. I think he was playing with me & testing me to see what my answer would be.

I told him I loved him. He told me He likes me & will definitely miss me but didn't reply I Love you too. He said Lisa I am actually a male child too, so I feel foolish. Yes I have respect. I also think he is scared of me too. Oh well I guess I better hang this up huh. I do know he has feelings but just won't admit them Or I have wasted a lot of time on this to get nothing in return. He'll miss out more than I will on the Supposed Free Sex Because Life is Too short

Comment on talaniman's post

This guy constantly texts me but doesn't show he cares. Because its at his convenience only. So I feel like a fool I sent him valentines day cards. All I got from him was a thanks for the cards My Dear.. Be well So any person with High self esteem like myself would feel like a jerk Also when you push a man they run I'm tired of chasing to get nothing in return. Its crazy because. I know he has feelings but is afraid I also Just said I am not a fool So I am now going to back off & see what occurs Remember I am moving in a month or so that's all I can do

I received a text back saying sorry for No response Lisa I was In the Hospital I now need herniated disk surgery thanks for cards that's all Nothing else was written Like Hey I miss you Am I correct to back off & not text him at all??

[talaniman]

Of course you leave him alone to make up his mind whether he wants to pursue you, or not.

Why just give him anything, and its possible he will take what you give, and give nothing back.

[lisasue13]

I got to response frm this man saying he was in the hospital for a few days " Sorry for his lackof response" thanking me for my valentines day cards ,thaat I sent him. But that's not enough for me... He was not dead Because if he wanted me hewould of said lets see each other. Because if aman wants to see you , or cares, hemakes it known& does something eventually to make his feelings come across nomatter what.Is this correct to do? I think I should text him & write before I move forwards in life & move away I wannt closure re him my friend with benefits Man Because I'm moving away & going bye bye
Is that the proper thing to do??

[talaniman]

All due respect but you both have had YEARS to define what you were doing, and come to an agreement. YOU DIDN'T, so put this behind you, and do your thing.

Stop being all fired hurt, and disappointed now that you are moving, and want him to show you more. That's ridicules. Just carry on with your life, and quit expect more than he has already shown. Hey you had a great time, and probably still would be if you weren't selling, and moving, right? Let it go!!

[lisasue13]

I've been involved with a man Just sexually for over 6 yrs . I can't take it any more . I know he has been emotionally devasdtated in his Life.He says he can never love again I wantto help him So I try texting him to make him feel admired Appreciated trusted & respected. He knows I care You'd have to be stupid if you did not .Hedoes not even penetrtate me > He stated that he thinks I sleep around too.Which I cannot do.That Hurts I am not that type of woman. I love him for who he is. I can't take being used and treated like a dirty slut I want to love & Be Loved

[excon]

What can I do I now Know he is using me for sex... do I talk to him?

Hello lisa:

No. You find somebody who WON'T do that to you.

excon

[lisasue13]

I know I am allowing myself to be used at present it it hurts. I love a man who I know is wonderful both inside out He has many issues was completely devastated in his life from a relationship He claims He will never Love ever in his Life because of this again. I truly Love him but cannot be stepped on . When I send a text I need for it to be returned. How Do I tell him How I feel without scaring him?

[Fr_Chuck]

You want to be treated like a booty call, disrespected, this man sounds like a real catch

[Synnen]

All threads merged, because they all deal with the same issue.

Lisa, you're being used. He does NOT want a relationship with you.

Move on, and stop being available to this guy, because he is NEVER going to change. There is NOTHING you can do to get the relationship you want from him, because he ALREADY has all of the relationship he wants from you.

[Cat1864]

This is from your profile. It paints a very different picture of your relationship than your posts do:

Experience
Single Now divorced/widowed younglady after living w a man 20 yrs.. I'm Now sleeping with a man for over 7 yrs. Lets call the neighbor I sleep w Vinny He has admitted he's been hurt yrs ago & was going to get married & hv a family with a particular gal.He also said to me recently He will never... & doesn't want to Love ever again. I think its due to this former situation with a woman.(Ithink) it has to do w being scared to get hurt again I can't push anyything on him I am trying to hv him think Of me as his friend so he can trust me. I am letting him know I appreciate him & admire him. He slowly is opening up to me. H makes comments we should live together & I say stop playin with my head Even though I bet he's thinking that for real. While fooling around he comments & mentions he wonders how many men I am sleeping with other than him must be alarge amount of them but he wont ask me himself outright cuause it will show he cares. I believe this man is SO scared to show me that He actually cares more than he lets on!! Am I correct He only contacts me through texts after I contact him first. He thanks me for Kind words which are my compliments He kisses me while having sex but he won't kiss me hello or goodbye He High Fives me when he leaveS& he only smiles when we hv initial contact. Now he has agreed to having fun w me because I asked him to take me to Great adventure I said help me with my issues & help you w yours I mk believe that it would be an issue for me to go to great Adventure to initialize our start of having fun outside the bedroom. I know this manneeds help in order to move forward effectively for me to Ultimately enjoy life with . I know what I want in my life it would be great if he's init . YesI go out with other men but I'm always thinking of him while going out w other men. I also know I cannot push myself on this man as well because he's got plenty of issues Like us all.Oh I forgot to mentio we laugh together constantly. I know I love him but cannot depend on him . He doesnot take me out inpublic at all Yet Remember Life is short One never wants to waste time on someone or something that won't be advantageous for themselves I also know a relationship takes Two He won't admit to me his fears or inadequacies What should I do Just continue going slow. Do I not tell him I love him??

You both are afraid of what has happened and what could happen.

I notice that you describe yourself as 'Single Now divorced/widowed younglady after living w a man 20 yrs.' How long after your previous relationship ended did you become involved with this man?

I don't think I would trust a relationship with since you are seeing other people.

He may not trust again. Why should he? You give him words, not actions.

After six or seven years of playing games, don't you think it is time to actually communicate with him instead of assuming what he means.

It may mean you end up moving on. It may mean there is a relationship other than sex and affirmations.

[talaniman]

You are still going through this insane dance with this fellow??

Instead of being stuck, and feeling foolish, leave him alone and get healthy YOURSELF.

But you already know that!!

[lisasue13]

I am on again, off again with neighbor from down the street for 5 years. It seems as like we have an amazing bond/connection/chemistry. After hving sex for days .We talk and laugh for hours and hours. Its as though we are both extremely comfy, and amazing how intimate we are.

He asks me what my plans are for the upcoming years ahead. He also asks me If I'll ever ger married again. When he leaves, he says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I don't see him for weeks after that. When I text him he does not respond. Should I just stay away and no contact to him anymore. Do I ignore him If I see him in the street?

Its like when he's with me he melts, but I'm too good to waste precious time. I'm getting older 48, him 55. Can someone tell me what will get me positive results so I'm happy?

[talaniman]

You either accept what you have and be happy and enjoy it, or leave for something better. Heck its been 5/6 years and you are still there doing the same thing? Maybe find some things to do while he is gone. Then you can be double happy.

Not sure what kind of positive results you were looking for.

[lisasue13]

My 58 yr old neighbor(im 48)who I've been having an on again off again relationship withfor 5yrs has finally opened up to me. Sending pics of his family after 5 yrs he knowws I I was married for 20 yrs before my hubby died he says how jealous of my 20 yr relationship w my hubby he is & hestates its been his choice to be alone.he says he's alone but not lonely he asks what's wrong w him I tellhim he'sscared of getting hurt again he denies it he replies to me "i am the best thing that has ever happened to him I am beautiful& great.we talk about life &its many issues that occur for hrs on end after having sex w one another I want more frm him & feel he doesn't want tohave fun & enjoy life with me or is scared to move frwrds w me for fear of getting hurt all I am is his booty gal he'es only around when he wants something I do love him I dontthinkor know if he cares as much for me I don't know if he's capable of love ever again but he may want it & is not admitting he does but maybe not w me should I ask him? What he wants going frwrds in life or will I be included in his plans?do I tell him I love him or face reality to be dumped I want someone in my life that can be loved& loves me back also what do I do to get him if at all?

[Fr_Chuck]

You tell him after all this time, you are starting to feel like a unpaid call girl. You tell him how you feel and sit down and talk if there is a future.

[Alty]

do I tell him I love him or face reality to be dumped

At this point what do you have to lose? If you tell him and he dumps you, are you worse off? Wouldn't knowing where you stand be better than what you have now?

[lisasue13]

Absolutely I am getting older & I can't force someone to be a part of my life if they do not want to be.. I'll only be losing having sex with someone that's all. I DON'T WANT TO BE W SOME ONE WHO IS HERE TODAY & GONE TOMORROW ITS JUST ONE SIDED