[minervaeguia]

I was with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. The relationship was always rocky. We started dating and he was always real jealous and controlling. He was my world and my everything. I had 1 boyfriend previous to him for 8 yrs. 6 months later after that break up I got with my new boyfriend.

There was a night a month after dating where he lost his job, apartment, and got a dui all in the same night, so I accepted him into my home. 3 months after dating we got into a fight and I sat down calmly and told him that the fighting had to stop. He bruised me up.

Later that night he was acting weird when I got home from work. And the next few days I couldn't figure out why he had suddenly locked his phone and was very private about it. So one night I couldn't sleep and I unlocked it, and found naked pics of a girl that I hated that was after my previous boyfriend. He swore he didn't send her pics but yet she forwarded me the pics he sent her. Since then I've been paranoid.

A year later I found some other pics of another girl in his phone. And later on I found out he had a secret Facebook and I found girls on there that have been trying to get with him. So I've been real paranoid. The fighting still continued. Sometimes it got so bad to where I had to call into work. I'm the cuddling kind of girl, I'm the kind of girl who will do anything for her man. Will give a back and foot rub. Who will make sure everything is special. And he's the complete opposite.

So one day after 3 1/2 yrs of being together. He was getting ready to go to work. He had been telling me for about a month that he was going to deploy but the date kept changing too much. I never got to call him because he told me he broke his phone and he was sharing a government phone with a guy. So he would call me 1x a day from a private number. Well one night when he was getting ready for work. I had a nasty gut feeling to look inside a drawer in his living room. So I looked and there were some letters from another girl and a picture of them together. They had been dating for 4 months. I read some of it and went up to him in his shower and asked him if he was cheating on me? And he said no. And I asked him what was this? And showed him the letters. And he paused and I walked away. He came out and choked held me. He tried getting the letters out of my hands. We got into a fight and argument and I ended up with bruises and I went to the police and so on.

Well me and the other girl talked and she told me a lot of stuff that he would do for her that he never did for me. She was 19 and both me and him were 27. We broke up and I met a guy online that I talked to and he is extremely attractive. We met up 1x because he's from TX but we talked on the phone all day n night. Even if I never saw him he made me happy. At the same time my ex was obsessing over me and checking into my Facebook every hour and wanting me back. He would call private and didn't talk and would drive to the city I'm from to see if he would run into me. I ignored him and got over him. He wouldn't contact me direct because I had a court order on him. Well he had a friend call me and talk to me n told me that he was obsessed with me and was sorry. I didn't want to hear it and hung up.

Well 1 night I loaded an app that unblocked private calls. Well one night his new number popped out with his name.I texted him and told him that he needs to stop calling that he needed to tell me what he wanted and to move on. He called me again and we talked. He sounded honest and told me everything that had been happening. We were broken up for 5 months. I was mad because he was never going to deploy and he never had a government phone. He only changed his number on me because the girl told him to. She told me a lot of stuff and he says that she lied about a lot of stuff... I've been trying to get over it but I can't. Its always running through my head and its making me ill. Ever since he came back he has been nice and has done so much for me.

But one day I found a memory card in his apartment and I looked through it and I found pics of the other girl and her in his apartment and of him making her a necklace and then her opening the box of gifts he brought her back. This was 2 days after my birthday when he told me he couldn't make it. He didn't bring me anything. I feel jealous! And then I found a pics of the friend that called me and they were pics of them together and pics of her naked. That made me even more upset! He told me that he forgot he had the pics but yet a lot of them were recent.

I don't trust him and I feel like he still loves her and is only with me again because she didn't take him back even though he delivered flowers to her and wanted her back. She told me that he called me his safety net. I don't understand.. he still had all the stuff I had given him through out the years like cards and pictures and etc.he told me that he cheated because he believed I was cheating. Which I don't understand how? I can't get over what he did to me and I'm afraid that he's going to do it again. I want to forgive him but I don't know how? He has been better but I can't get the thought out of my head that he had her in the same bed and did stuff for her that he never did for me. I want to make it work and I want to over come my jealousy but I don't know how...

I need help! How do I forget and how do I calm down? I'm so mad still. I don't feel the same way anymore but I want to feel the same way. He's been so much better and great and has been the kind of guy I always wanted. But I'm scared and I blow up every time I think about it or something he says when he gets upset at me. I bring it up and even start crying. I lost all energy and even losing my hair and feel sick. I don't understand how he was attracted her? She's not very attractive and not to brag but I'm an attractive girl 5'5 green eyes long beautiful hair fair skin and have a fit kim kardashian body type. I feel so unattractive around him. I feel like I'm not pretty around him. I'm also a great person with a great personality and people always love that I'm such a good person. So I don't understand why he really did this to me.

I know I need help! I don't want to be like this! I used to be both beautiful in the inside and out until he did this to me. Help me!

[talaniman]

Help yourself by taking your heart back from this lying cheater, and gettiing his A$$ out of your life permanently. Haven't you had enough abuse yet? Leave him completely, heal, and rebuild a life without him in it.

Or keep suffering. Your choice.

[mmresd]

Why is this causing you so much turmoil... everything you have put here makes me feel like this is not a good place to be... so leave.