[relations2012]

My boyfriend will not say he loves me. He told me after 4 month's and we have had our moments when he can be sweet and our relartionship is generally good as long as I don't talk about feelings etc! When I really need re assurance he will not give it to me. He says he doesn't even tell his mother he love's her so why would he say it to me? What does this mean, if anything?

He bought me a card at Christmas saying I love you which really meant a lot but he cannot say it to my face.. is this normal? Maybe I'm over reacting or expect too much?

I'm use to open people in my life being very open so I find him very confusing and hard work..

Can it work with someone that can't show their feelings when I'm so open? I get really resentful that he has all this reasurance from me but I get nothing in return..

And I try not to give him much purposely sometimes but feel wrong as its not me..

If I become strong and do my own thing he then jokingly says, thanks a lot, your forgetting about me.. which is probably the only type of reasurance I get to make me think he does want me and then I get angry with him because I think I deserve better and its like a vicious circle!

Any thoughts anyone??

Maybe I'm just over reacting and need to accept that's the way it is?! But every time I do this, another 3 month's pass and I start to get resentful. Its like I always have to keep myself busy in my life so I won't expect anything from him but I'm not sure if this is a healthy way to be in a relationship..

[Curlyben]

Sorry to say, but it sounds like he needs to grow up some.
If you can't open up to you then there really is something wrong with him, and immaturity is the first thing that's indicated.

[liz28]

If he don't tell his own mother he loves her what makes you think he is going tell you? He doesn't directly express his feelings to you but shows you a little bit at a time. This isn't something you can change this is something he has to work on. Coming out of his shell might be a hard task for him and maybe he might feel he doesn't have to tell you if he is showing you. So he is showing you that he loves you?

[talaniman]

Why not compromise between you, he verbalizes more, and you expect less, while you learn his language better. You learn each others ways through some honest, calm discussion.

But in my view, while he has said he wasn't raised with the love word being used, you are not his mom, and he has to learn what you need as a person, and be willing to give it. Or else, what's the point, if he isn't willing to listen, and adjust.

I don't think its fair either for you to be stuck on a need, and NOT acknowledge the other ways he expresses himself. See this as a test of how well you work together to resolve your issues to benefit you both, and grow this relationship.

[mmresd]

You are not getting your needs met. You have two options, either you make yourself accustom to living in that manner or you find someone who CAN fullfil your needs. Don't expect him to change.