[ssff]

Hello, I'm not sure if there are others who have experienced anything similar, but I am super confused and hoping you can help me.

I attend weekend classes and have been interacting with this guy for the past year there, about two months ago, we really connected and started going out. He is super cute, very charming and generous, clever, which is a big plus to me, but also very practical minded where I am emotional. He aggressively pursued me and talked about the future, I did think it was too fast and maybe too much too soon and it would maybe burn out or cause issues just as quickly but he assuaged my doubts He comes from a very close knit family, is super close to his mom and even though he seems modern, is from a conservative background, which is okay with me as well.

About a month into our relationship, with all going well, there was an illness in his family and he got very preoccupied with the same. Also, he met me and talked to me about a previous relationship last year which had progressed to the point of an almost engagement, that had resurfaced with the girls family involved this time, talking to his family about it and he was getting pressure to consider it again.

Thus started quite a strain on our very new relationship, wherein I didn't see him socially for a month, except for weekend classes, where we had kept it low key and behaved just as friends. Chatting over messages or bbm is not the best, but that's what it was down to, with the tables kind of turned and I was the one giving more attention and asking after him all the time. It led to some misunderstandings, some arguments, definitely some impatience on my part too and I did get short with him a couple of times, and each of those times he said, lets call it quits maybe, I can't deal with so many things going on and I backed off and stopped the conversation In the meantime, there was a death following that illness, and I wanted to give him space with his family so backed off a bit.

Six days ago, I asked him if all was okay, cause past couple of weeks he's answered only if I asked a question, not come to class cause he was out of town, and hinted at additional confusions and pressures in his life which he is not ready to talk to me about. That conversation led to an argument and after it ended, I wrote him a long e-mail apologizing for being short and getting impatient, that I would try to be more supportive and not critical
Next two days were bare hellos, and I could not stand it any longer so I asked him if we were going to meet and talk? It led to him saying there are many things in his life he is trying to sort out, and he doesn't see us being together anymore, on bbm! He said I realized there is no room for the two of us anymore and he informed me of it as soon as he realized it, and when I asked him to please be more open and communicate he said he could not yet. I said lets not rush a decision and take the time you need, but he said again, but I don't see it and want to be open about that, can you please give me some time to sort stuff out before I can speak with you? I just said OK, and then limited my messages to almost nothing, thought a lot about it and realized I maybe gave up my heart and feelings for him too quickly as I didn't expect this much hurt in so short a while. Yesterday we met in class and he was very polite and sat beside me, joking normally and looking as if this did not affect him at all, but not flirting and I left as soon as class ended.

I have been crying myself to sleep each night, this has affected me a lot more than I thought it ever would and I don't want this to end before it had a real chance to start even! I wanted him to take some time out to get over the death in his home, and maybe restart our relationship, see where it leads us. He is quite perfect for me in every way, and there's not much I don't like about him, except I don't understand why he gets so mad at me sometimes, but we are getting to know each other still

I need to understand a couple of things:
1. Has he broken up with me really? It was a couple of sentences over bbm and he ended saying he needs time to talk to me about anything, so I'm not sure
2. I haven't messaged him since then, unless he does, and respond just a one word or one liner, should I be doing anything different? He's shown a friendlier attitude toward me, should I reciprocate or not?
3. Can I approach him and ask where we are, if we can give it another try or talk about anything? Or just leave it be?

I am really confused, more with my reaction too, been crying on and off and wishing things were not like this, while he is busy attending
Birthday parties and preparing for a marriage in the family this month end. He's been a really good person so far, kind and generous to everyone around him, so I think there's some legit reason behind this behavior, I just can't understand it though

Please help, thanks

[talaniman]

Sorry but though he was probably trying to be nice, he did tell you not to look for anything but a polite friendship. You should be nice too, while you never contact him, and ignore him contacting you. That's being busy and unavailable for his smooth arse BS!

Now back off and take care of yourself, and stop waiting on Mr. Perfect to see you as Ms. Perfect. Be a happy person in class, but have no more to do with him.

You are stuck on someone that's not as stuck on you, and should read my signature below. You never chase guys like this.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, obviously he was not over a past girlfriend, if he had been over her and completely into you, his family asking anything would not have really phased him. He would have told them about you. Had you meet his family ?

He most likely has no idea of a good way to break up and this is it. You need to accept it, and move on with it

[ssff]

Fr_chuck: no we had been going out only a month and not met his family yet, in fact he told me that he hasn't spoken about me to them yet either, it sucks that I fell for him so completely!
Talaniman: yea you both are probably right, it sucks that I fell for him though, and I'm not sure how to handle meeting him and seeing him on weekend classes. Should I still expect at least a closure talk from him? Its hard for me to move on quickly when I have to keep seeing him

Btw, we're not kids, he's 30 and I'm 32 so it hurts as I thought this was serious and could lead somewhere

[J_9]

What is bbm?

[talaniman]

BlackBerryMessenger.

[amicon]

Closure is what you give yourself by doing your own thing and healing.

If you have to see him at school,polite but distant is the way to go.

[mmresd]

Go no contact as this relationship is over. He needs his space, give it to him completely.

[ssff]

Thanks Amicon and Javi: I know you guys are right and I just need to control the impulse to call him and ask if we can work this out, or if we can have a talk at least

I miss him a lot and am struggling with the fact that I'm so hurt, as he doesn't seem to care at all so that hurts even more

Also, he gave me some things during our time together, should I return them? They make me cry each time I see them

[mmresd]

You need to take a breath, act calm, collected, and indifferent. Play it by ear, who knows what he may wants.

[indya]

Well... I am not a guy. But I did date an indian guy once. Had a situation where we broke off, because his family didn't approve of our relationship.

I remember, that he would still try and be in touch, chat and all. Heck he even wanted to go out on a movie with me. Hugged me once. All this after a broke off!

Well... His family got him engaged and he still wanted to be in touch with me. I put my foot down and said no messing around if we are not in a relationship.

Yes to me before he got engaged, it looked like he wanted me back. He didn't tell his parents that he was still in touch with me. The silly girl in me got happy too at the prospect!

But on retrospect, I realized that he never had the guts to take this relationship ahead. All he wanted was to spend undercover time with me.

He got married to a parents-approved-girl whom he didn't love! Funny!

Make sure this guy has it in him to go against his culture and parents and family to provide some stable future to the relationship. If you are not sure of that, don't invest much in this.

[talaniman]

I think its foolish to keep chasing a guy with a secret he cannot tell you about. That he stays in touch and leads you on, is a red flag, and before you go further you better find out a lot more than you know.

You are following your heart down a dumb blind path, without knowing what he hides from you.

About a month into our relationship, with all going well, there was an illness in his family and he got very preoccupied with the same. Also, he met me and talked to me about a previous relationship last year which had progressed to the point of an almost engagement, that had resurfaced with the girls family involved this time, talking to his family about it and he was getting pressure to consider it again.

[talaniman]

Please refrain from posting new thread under a different alias, thats not honest nor is it genuine of you, and its against the rules. Your other post was deleted and as you have seen so have your copy and paste duplicates of your original post.

Most people here have advised you to slow down, and stop chasing this guy, and stop letting him lead you on. Don't be so excited by this love, thrill feeling and make this the biggest thing in your life and leave yourself open to being hurt later, and give the impression you are a desperate, insecure pushy foolish girl. Its only been a few months, and at first its ALWAYS so amazing in the beginning, but you are so blown away by it, that you are trying to hard and working against yourself.

Be cool, and let him do the chasing, that goes for any guy, not just him, and you will see if he feels as you do, or is he grooming you to use you.

Slow yourself down, and pay attention, and follow the rules, or pay the consequences of your own BAD behavior. Trust me the heart you save may be your own.

[ssff]

Thanks for your response T, the post was re-posted by error, I already interacted with the moderator to clear it up, but I appreciate your comments.

[talaniman]

Using different aliases is against the rules also, and you have been reported and those threads deleted

Confused1010/ffss/ whats next? Why are you doing this???

[Curlyben]

Your other accounts have been removed from the site.