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sypher373 · Feb 21, 2007, 11:58 AM

Hello all,

I have read quite a few of the longer discussions which have taken place here, and I hope that you can help me with mine.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for just shy of 3 years. Last week, she told me that she didn't feel for me as she used to, she just didn't think that she loved me as much as I love her.

Soon after that, she told me she thought it was so stupid, and she made a huge mistake. I took her back, because it was all that I wanted. Now, a week later, she has told me she still has that feeling in the back of her mind, and she can't shake it.

I know the reason she came back to me the first time is because everyone she talked to told her it was a mistake -- including her family and some of her friends. They told her that she would not find someone as good as me, and why would she want to leave me.

Now, she has told me that she wants a break again, and her reason is so that "she can be by herself becuase she doesn't know what it would be like to live without me". The problem is, I thought we were perfect.

My main concerns are these:

It seems since she has gone to school, she has become more social and this might have something to do with why she wants a break. She told me that the thought of the possibility of being with a specific person has crossed her mind, but also swore to me she couldn't see herself with him. She says she just wants time to hink and be by herself.

Also, this Friday night, we were planning on seeing each other, as I was going to go to her school and stay overnight. We still have plans to see each other, though all communication between us until then is at a bare minimum. I don't know what I should do when I see her. I think that if I tell her how I really feel, and break down, she will take me back, though this might be just because she feels bad. I know that shouldn't be what I want, but I am willing to do anything at this point.

One last troubling part of this whole thing is that I asked her this morning if she was sad, and she told me that sad wasn't the word, it was more confusion. Hearing this almost made me break down in class. For the last week between the first time this happened and now, we seemed perfect. I asked her once "Will you stay with me forever" and she responded, "of course". Thinking back on that now, all I want to do is die, beucase I am so afraid that I won't have that again.

She has promised me that when she sees me Friday she will go into with an open mind, and we will try to talk about things then. I know this is only a 2 or 3 day break, but it is my sincere hope that she misses me.

When I see her, should I bring her flowers or do anything to try to win her back? I told her I was planning on bringing her flowers originally (before she told me this) and she said that she didn't want that, bcause it would just make her decisions harder.

I am sorry for writing so much, but I feel like I can't survive.

Somebody please help me :(

Joe Stevens · Feb 21, 2007, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by sypher373

Hello all,

I have read quite a few of the longer discussions which have taken place here, and I hope that you can help me with mine.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for just shy of 3 years. Last week, she told me that she didn't feel for me as she used to, she just didnt think that she loved me as much as I love her.

Soon after that, she told me she thought it was so stupid, and she made a huge mistake. I took her back, because it was all that I wanted. Now, a week later, she has told me she still has that feeling in the back of her mind, and she can't shake it.

I know the reason she came back to me the first time is because everyone she talked to told her it was a mistake -- including her family and some of her friends. They told her that she would not find someone as good as me, and why would she want to leave me.

Now, she has told me that she wants a break again, and her reason is so that "she can be by herself becuase she doesn't know what it would be like to live without me". The problem is, i thought we were perfect.

My main concerns are these:

It seems since she has gone to school, she has become more social and this might have something to do with why she wants a break. She told me that the thought of the possibility of being with a specific person has crossed her mind, but also swore to me she couldn't see herself with him. She says she just wants time to hink and be by herself.

Also, this friday night, we were planning on seeing each other, as i was going to go to her school and stay overnight. We still have plans to see each other, though all communication between us until then is at a bare minimum. I don't know what I should do when I see her. I think that if i tell her how i really feel, and break down, she will take me back, though this might be just because she feels bad. I know that shouldn't be waht i want, but I am willing to do anything at this point.

One last troubling part of this whole thing is that I asked her this morning if she was sad, and she told me that sad wasn't the word, it was more confusion. Hearing this almost made me break down in class. for the last week between the first time this happened and now, we seemed perfect. I asked her once "Will you stay with me forever" and she responded, "of course". Thinking back on that now, all I want to do is die, beucase I am so afraid that I wont have that again.

She has promised me that when she sees me friday she will go into with an open mind, and we will try to talk about things then. I know this is only a 2 or 3 day break, but it is my sincere hope that she misses me.

When I see her, should I bring her flowers or do anything to try to win her back? I told her I was planning on bringing her flowers originally (before she told me this) and she said that she didnt want that, bcause it would just make her decisions harder.

I am sorry for writing so much, but i feel like I can't survive.

Somebody please help me :(

Mate this happened to me I know you still love her I know what it is like its hard to do but leave and forget about it

sypher373 · Feb 21, 2007, 12:40 PM

This is something else that I forgot to mention...

When this has happened before, I had broken down and I could not keep no contact with her. I needed to call her, and I did. I ended up calling her crying at 5am, and I am afraid that had to do with her taking me back.

This time, I made sure that I did not contact her, but what confuses me is that she contacted me this morning. She sent me a message that said "I just want to see how your doing". Should I take this to mean she's thinking about me? Should I play tough and act like nothing is wrong? Should I bear my soul and tell her how I really feel?

Thank you

Suicidal Addiction · Feb 21, 2007, 12:58 PM

I think that maybe if she wants you guys should break up and stay broke up are you sure you didn't do anything wrong lol u can get better than her if she keeps doing that but if you really like her that much and you want her back I think you should still take those flowers and maybe act like what she said never was said or you can act like you don't care and that makes people real mad lol

starsbooty · Feb 21, 2007, 01:59 PM

Not to sound rude, but you sound like you might need her and are a bit clingy, if you really want her act like you don't care and if she comes running back its because you looked like you were fine with out her, I am a girl I am telling you the truth, when guys do that type of stuff it makes us feel unwanted and we want to be wanted again, if she doesn't come running back she didn't care in the first place.. good luck and act like your not worried about what decision she makes.

LBP · Feb 21, 2007, 02:27 PM

Honestly, this sounds like one of those situations where you need to give her exactly what she wants and not look back. Disappear.

She doesn't want to know how you're doing. She's being selfish. When she asks how your'e doing, give a noncommital answer. You tell her the truth and she'll become disgusted with you - not overwhelmingly so, but she's probably lost a lot of respect for you all ready. Not fair, is it? Yet that's the way it is. For some bizarre reason, young women find sincerity of feeling to be somewhat repulsive, despite what she may otherwise tell you. Basically this is the point in your life where you're going to have to realize that despite what all the songs have said, and what many other women have told you with seeming sincerity, she wants something else. She wants someone who cares about her a lot less than you do - frankly, she finds the fact that you care so much to be a little icky. That you would do anything? Pathetic. That much is clear from her actions. If she really cared, as you did, she wouldn't be doing this to you - she cares about herself more than she cares about you.

I suggest you follow her lead. Doing anything else will just piss her off.

But do what you feel is best...

Wildcat21 · Feb 21, 2007, 02:29 PM

Disappear for a while - 3 months. Leave her alone - be busy.

No wants a needy cry baby - YUCK!! Puke!!

sypher373 · Feb 21, 2007, 03:29 PM

Thanks for the advice guys,
I'm doing my best.

Right now it feels like I can't even get out of bed.
At this point all I want is her to miss me, and for her to think it was a mistake, and it seems in my mind that if I call her, it would make her miss me.

Though the more I think about it, is exactly the opposite true? Should I really try to act like nothing is wrong so that she misses me? If I call her it makes her feel as if I am not really gone?

Thanks

LBP · Feb 21, 2007, 04:05 PM

No, if you call her, it makes her resent you attempting to manipulate her emotions. Do nothing. Stick to yourself - you'll be more happy in the long run.

mastone · Feb 21, 2007, 06:16 PM

I don't know how many of these answers are from females, but I will say - from a woman's point of view- you need to get rid of her. She is not interested in you. As a matter of fact, she's probably dating someone else on the sneak. That's why she's confused. She doesn't want you but her family is telling her she must be crazy because you're such a sweet guy. She's really not interested in what you're doing when she calls and asks you that. She just wants to make sure you're still sitting around wanting to be with her. Just in case it doesn't work out with the other guy. So please, I know it hurts, but you need to pick up the pieces and move on with your life - WITHOUT HER!

sypher373 · Feb 21, 2007, 06:47 PM

Well this is still very early, but today she has contacted me twice, and neither time had I initiated the contact. The first time I was open and honest about what was wrong and how much I was hurting, but the second time I just told her I was doing my best to understand her point of view and I was willing to giver her time and space like she asked for.

Is this the wrong thing to do? I don't want to ignore her, despite what is going I still care deeply for her.

starsbooty · Feb 22, 2007, 09:10 AM

Do to her as she is doing to you! Your telling her your hurt by her actions and she is still calling to make sure your there and haven't moved on! SHE IS NOT CARING ABOUT YOU AT ALL! She is being selfish wants her cake n eat it too! Actually she wants you to make her her cake, bring it to her and feed it to her! Please do not let this girl control you or your emotions, she is doing this on purpose and everybody on here is telling you the same thing! LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE IS NOT IN TO YOU AT ALL! SORRY BUT IT IS SO SAD AND TRUE!

ntanis · Feb 22, 2007, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by sypher373

Hello all,

I have read quite a few of the longer discussions which have taken place here, and I hope that you can help me with mine.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for just shy of 3 years. Last week, she told me that she didn't feel for me as she used to, she just didnt think that she loved me as much as I love her.

Soon after that, she told me she thought it was so stupid, and she made a huge mistake. I took her back, because it was all that I wanted. Now, a week later, she has told me she still has that feeling in the back of her mind, and she can't shake it.

I know the reason she came back to me the first time is because everyone she talked to told her it was a mistake -- including her family and some of her friends. They told her that she would not find someone as good as me, and why would she want to leave me.

Now, she has told me that she wants a break again, and her reason is so that "she can be by herself becuase she doesn't know what it would be like to live without me". The problem is, i thought we were perfect.

My main concerns are these:

It seems since she has gone to school, she has become more social and this might have something to do with why she wants a break. She told me that the thought of the possibility of being with a specific person has crossed her mind, but also swore to me she couldn't see herself with him. She says she just wants time to hink and be by herself.

Also, this friday night, we were planning on seeing each other, as i was going to go to her school and stay overnight. We still have plans to see each other, though all communication between us until then is at a bare minimum. I don't know what I should do when I see her. I think that if i tell her how i really feel, and break down, she will take me back, though this might be just because she feels bad. I know that shouldn't be waht i want, but I am willing to do anything at this point.

One last troubling part of this whole thing is that I asked her this morning if she was sad, and she told me that sad wasn't the word, it was more confusion. Hearing this almost made me break down in class. for the last week between the first time this happened and now, we seemed perfect. I asked her once "Will you stay with me forever" and she responded, "of course". Thinking back on that now, all I want to do is die, beucase I am so afraid that I wont have that again.

She has promised me that when she sees me friday she will go into with an open mind, and we will try to talk about things then. I know this is only a 2 or 3 day break, but it is my sincere hope that she misses me.

When I see her, should I bring her flowers or do anything to try to win her back? I told her I was planning on bringing her flowers originally (before she told me this) and she said that she didnt want that, bcause it would just make her decisions harder.

I am sorry for writing so much, but i feel like I can't survive.

Somebody please help me :(

Joe, your question is the first question that caught my eye. I think she is trying to tell you something but just doesn't want to hurt you. I am in a relationship where I feel suffocated. I have lost a lot of respect for my "fiance" because he is so clingy. When I want time to myself to think it's because I can't stand to be around him because he's always saying things like, "what did I do wrong?" "I'll change." I know I sound like a horrible person but I cannot stand to see such insecurities in a person. I told him in the beginning that sometimes I just like to be alone. I am a very introspective person, I have daughters and sometimes I just need to be with my fam and friends. He even gets a little unsettled when I go out for coffee with a g/f. How long are you going to be?? Kind've kills my coffee mood. I am trying the same thing your g/f is doing. I want to be alone because I realized I don't love him but he gets so upset when I approach the subject that I feel bad and try to ignore his clinginess which makes me real unhappy and depressed. I am in a relationship I don't want to be in because I don't want to hurt this man. Let her go please, she's probably suffocating, be a man and walk away while she still has a little respect for you. Don't take her back because she really is confused but she knows - she just can't break the connection. It's not love that keeps her with you - it's guilt.

Wildcat21 · Feb 22, 2007, 11:53 AM

ntanis - have you told your finace this?? He's not a mind reader. I am sure he's pushing you away AND he doesn't know any better - SOOOO he comes on stronger. Happens all the time. You need to tell him everyhting - AND tell him you need space and he better shape up!!

imissher · Feb 22, 2007, 12:58 PM

Hey man,

I know exactly how you feel. I know that its eating up like crazy but if you honestly want this girl and want to better your chances of getting her back, then you got to let go for a while. I know that's crazy hard, but you got to let her do her thing rite now. The more you beg, cry, and plead(like I did), the HARDER it is to get her back, possibly never at all.

So if you still want to have some sort of chance with her:
This won't work if she never had feelings for you.

1. Give her what she wants, if it's a break/break up, do it!
2. Don't cry, look strong, even if your dying like crazy inside.
3. Don't call, text, message, email, let her miss you.
4. In the meantime, chill with friends, family, and I know its hard, but try to get your mind off it.

Remember, nothing in life is guaranteeed. I probably stole this qoute from somewhere, but it means a lot:

If you love someone, let them go.
If they come back, they're yours.
If they don't, they were never yours.

Take it easy bro.

sypher373 · Feb 22, 2007, 11:58 PM

Thanks a lot guys,

I am doing my best, and I still talk to her because she talks to me. She says she can't bear to just cut everything off. It might not be smart, but I am not going to ignore her if she calls. I want to be here for her, and I am hoping that I can be here for her, and at the same time get over her. I think I have finally come to grips with the fact that its over, at least for now. She needs her space and I tell her that I understand, and that she needs to do what she needs to do.

I have been totally honest about it, and I have told her that I don't want to make her feel bad, because if she changes her mind, she needs to do it on her own. For the time being, I am not initiating any of the conversatiosn (as best I can anyway), and just being here when she needs to talk to me.

Thanks again for all the advice, it really helps.

talaniman · Feb 23, 2007, 03:05 PM

Whether she comes back or not is not the issue. You getting a life you enjoy and learning to be happy with out her is the issue here. To sit and mope and lose that lust for life, is not healthy and only you can be in control of your reactions now, as it has nothing to do with her, but you dealing with your own issues. That's what this time is for, you getting you together without her or even if she comes back, it will never work with you depending on her for a life. Roll out of bed and get busy getting yourself healthy.

sypher373 · Feb 27, 2007, 09:20 AM

Well guys,

I have a bit of an update.
At this point, I have stopped contacting her, though when she calls me, I will talk to her, "as a friend". I want to be here for her, because I still care for her, and I believe she still cares for me. The thing is, she says her feeligns aren't as strong as they used to be, but I firmly believe she still does care about me as a person.

So for the time being, I will continue to not contact her, but will be available for her if she needs to talk to me. I figure there is no better way to show that I am not bitter than to be a supporting friend.

One issue I have been having lately is that I cannot help but imagine her happy with someone else. She has sworn to me that she is not looking for someone else, and I am sure she isn't lying to me, but the possibility that she may with someone else down the road kills me. Is this normal? Most of the time, I can get along fine, but these certain images which enter my head kill me :(

Thanks for the all the help guys...

sypher373 · Feb 27, 2007, 11:05 AM

I know that was fast, but I'm back again...

Just minutes after I made my last posting, I got a message from her saying that she really wanted to talk to me tonight. She was telling me that she feels like she "can't live without me". I have to admit that I felt good hearing this, but in the back of my mind all day is that she is just upset, and I know she still wants to have her space. But I don't understand why she is coming to me if she wants her space.

If this leads to her saying it was a mistake, It is going to be hard for me to take her back, because I am so afraid of being hurt like this again. I am doing my best to not get optimistic about this, and telling myself even if she does want to get back together, I am going to need to some to decide if I can do that.

In the meantime, until she talks to me tonight, I am pretty confused over the whole thing. I am afraid that she may tell me later that she feels much better after being out all day, or that it was just a "slip-up" and she's not upset anymore. I just don't want to get optimistic to talk to her.

Any thoughts of suggestions?

LBP · Feb 27, 2007, 11:21 AM

I don't think this is a time to conscede your position of power... You know you can get on without her now - time has made that clear to you. Tell her this much. Ask her why it would be in your best interests to put yourself back in a position of relying on her when you've become stronger otherwise. How can you know that things can or would ever be different? What can she do, through her actions and not her words, to show you that she can be trusted?

That's the avenue you need to follow. I'm even thinking that talking to her at all could be a mistake because it's quite possible that she worded her message to make you think what she wanted you to think, in order to get a reaction out of you. She may just say she wants to be friends, again, and then indicate that this is what she meant all the while with her message... Just she wanted to tell you that in person.

There's no way to know. Good luck with what's ahead of you.