[lovable88]

OK this is the story... briefly

I like a guy
We have been getting to know each other for about 8 months (just talking in work, texting, myspace, msn... nothing more)
I have decided after a hell of a lot of thought I want to take it further and I know he does too
In the past I've said no, as I wasn't ready for commitment and a relationship but the fact he has stuck by me etc and the more I know of him the more I like him
There is one big issue though, my sister knows this guy and really dislikes him, as she has never given him the chance, therefore she has told my mum about him who now also dislikes him.

Basically what I need help with is how to tell my mum I like him and that because I'm 18 I am old enough to make my own decisions and I'm aware it could be a mistake, but I will live and learn.

How can I phrase it?
How can I try to make my parents like him?
Is it going to cause complete and utter hell for everyone if I date him?
Should I respect my family over him and not date him?

Help I'm confused, I know what I want, but I just keep thinking how can it work if no one will give him a chance?

Thanks guys any help is really appreciated!

[AKaeTrue]

I guess this really depends on why your sister doesn't like him in the first place and what she told your parents about him to make them dislike him as well... Why does your sister dislike him?

[lovable88]

He comes across as a bit of a guy with a bad attitude, he likes to have an image that he doesn't deep down. A lot of people don't give him the chance, I did and he is a really nice guy. Basically she just told my mum that he has bad attitude and its partly based on looks I imagine as he is not the nicest looking guy, but to me its all about personality. In the past he has smoked and he went through a stage where he tried weed, but as far as I'm concerned that is over now because he stoppped it for me. But my sister obviously told her that and my mum is heavily anti smoking and drugs (as I am) but I still like this guy

[AKaeTrue]

Well every one who has cleaned up their act deserves a second chance.
Just explain to your mother that you have been casually talking to the guy and that he has cleaned up his act and no longer smokes cigarettes or weed. Tell her, despite the way he looks, he's proved himself to be a really nice guy. And, that you can't base a book by it's cover, so could they please give him a chance as you did.
Tell them that your mature enough to know whether the relationship is going good or bad and that you'll end it with him if things start turning sour.
I hope this helps a little... It's what I'd say if I were in your shoes.
Kae

[lovable88]

thanks very much for your help Kae, it has proved to be very useful. I'm not sure when I will be able to get the courage to tell my mum as we do not really discuss things like that. This evening in fact my sister made a comment about him, which will have put him right back in the dog house again, I keep thinking perhaps I should respect my sister, I mean after all I don't want to lose her, but then I think its may life and I should be able to choose what I want and do. Its all that is going through my mind though, it is beginning to really get me down as I want to be with him so badly but I keep telling myself I can't because of the situation, but that makes it worse for me. I've considered getting more help along the lines of a counsellor, but I'm not sure how they could help. If I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I'm trying to prove that to my family then I should just talk to them, but its so hard when I know the outcome will be bad and that it will cause the problems it will do and I don't wish to put my family in that position, but at the same time I really like the lad (I don't think it would ever have crossed my sisters mind that I could possibly like him, I'm physically scared about what would happen when she found out!) I wonder if I'm just telling myself I like him, but I feel that I am the one that has got to know him, I am the one that has given him the chance and he proved himself to be different to how he may come across at first, but maybe I'm still in the wrong? Its effecting me a lot though! =( thanks for your help though... on a more positive note! =)

[AKaeTrue]

Has he done something to upset or hurt your sister. Did they ever date or hang out with each other or have the same friends? What makes your sister keep bringing him up?
If she found out that you like him, why would you physically be scared of her?
It kind-of sounds like the two of them have some kind of history together...
Kae

[i know nothing help me]

yes Kae I agree, I thought it sounded as if they may have had some history or something that went wrong in the past. But then again we could be totally wrong. It takes a lot for someone to have such a strong disliking for someone though, so perhaps you should value your sister over the lad, however I wouldn't want to upset you so don't take my word for it!

[lovable88]

Hey guys, thanks for getting back. Well as far as I am aware there has been no history, other than the fact that they have worked together for 5 years, therefore my sister is obviously going to have seen the "cool" side he likes to think he has, which deep down he really doesn't. I understand where you are coming from saying I should respect my sister, as I mean at the end of the day I do not want to fall out with her, but I just feel so angry and frustrated in the sense that I'm 18 but my family still feel they rule my life.

Kae - perhaps my sister has suspicisions that I like the guy and she always says negative things about him in front of my mum so perhaps its to help influence my mum into thinking he is nasty I don't know? Also I'm scared because I think WW3 would break out and I think it would cause a lot of problems in my family which I do not wish to do.

I just wish my parents and sister would accept it, I'm not asking them to be happy for me but I feel it would cause too many problems and stress people out and that's the last thing I want, perhaps I need to get over the guy?

[sweetface125071]

If you really like the guy, then don't let anybody stop you from dating him. Let me tell you why. You might regret it all your life. What if this is the "love" of your life. Tell your mom exactly how you feel. At first she probably will not approve but she will have to get over it!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

[AKaeTrue]

If your family is as strict as they sound, then perhaps it would be in your best interest to respect their wishes about this guy.
I'm sorry I'm not much help...
Maybe you should ask your sister if he's ever done anything to her for her to dislike him so much, and ask him the same thing.
See if something ever happened between them.

[lovable88]

thank you sweetface I really agree with what your saying and that is what I want to do, but its easier said than done, my mum is really hard to talk to, but if this lad means to me what he does I should be able to get the courage to tell my mum. I really hope you advice is correct, but I KNOW it will be bad to begin with! Thank you! =)

[Alib3]

Just tell it as it is