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    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Apr 5, 2012, 11:57 PM
    Saga of a broken heart. Is there still hope?
    So after her dumping me after 1.5 years of being together and ignoring me for 2 weeks after the breakup , I finally did a NC for 5 days and she called me at 2am a few days ago but didn't pickup or sent her anything.

    Since then she added her ex ( from 4 years ago ) on Facebook the next day , she gave him her number on Facebook and then "archived" the messages since she knows that I know her password.

    I know she wants to have the security of having me there even if she ignores me but why go that far to try and get my attention if she doesn't want to be with me?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Apr 6, 2012, 02:42 AM
    Whatever her reasons,keep ignoring her-NC 100 %-it's for your healing,so that you can move on.

    Leave her to her mind games and go do your own thing.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Apr 6, 2012, 09:08 AM
    There is guilt building up and playing with my head. I start to doubt that everything I did was right towards her.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Apr 8, 2012, 06:29 PM
    She dumped you, so revoke her relationship privileges by ignoring her, staying off her social pages, and disappearing from her life. That's how you heal, and move on with out BS, confusion, and drama.
    lemarkstaurt's Avatar
    lemarkstaurt Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 10, 2012, 05:28 AM
    Keep a check if she is not in any bad situation through friends, but other then that, be on NC 100%
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Apr 10, 2012, 05:58 AM
    Don't check through friends is my opinion, that's not 100% NC, nor will it help those feelings from being stirred up by news of her.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #7

    Apr 11, 2012, 03:04 PM
    Talking with Ex after a month of NC
    So after waiting for a month of NC, I messaged my ex and long story short we've talked a little bit for the past 2 days. However, today I sent her a funny picture of a cat, as I know she loves cats but she didn't reply. Do you think it looked manipulative that's why she didn't reply? Her replies before looked pretty optimistic and she seemed to engage in the conversation pretty well. What should I do?
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Apr 12, 2012, 11:58 PM
    After her calling me at 2 am one night ( didn't pick up ) after 2 weeks of NC , I messaged her again 4 days ago. She was kind of distant and cold at times but I had hope that it would slowly get better. I told her that I was missing her and the stuff we used to do and she replied . " I understand that, i think about you too. I am really glad you are doing well"

    I found hope in that message that maybe she was rethinking her decision. We were texting here and there throughout the past 4 days.However, today she didn't reply to some of messages and I asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable texting and she said that she did. So I said I was sorry and I understand.

    I ve had many relationships before and for some reason I genuinely believe that this was real love. And I'm 100% sure she loves me.

    Can anyone please help me understand? Does she need time? Does she love me but still wants to move on?

    Do you think it is likely for my ex of 1.5 years to be back with her ex of 4 years ago (long distance) , 2 weeks after we break up? She added him on Facebook not even 2 weeks ago and HIS status changed to "In relationship" 2 days ago. I know for a fact that she would never change it if she was in a relationship so I wouldn't get hurt or something.

    I know I am becoming paranoid but I know you all understand what is going on in my head right now.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Apr 13, 2012, 09:52 AM
    Your head is full of confusion and false hope, mostly because you break NO CONTACT, and allow her to break it. You have to do a much better job of ignoring her, and doing your thing and not give in to the impulsive contact.

    Do NO CONTACT the right way, so you can stop tripping on her, and what she is doing, and find other ways to spend your time and effort with.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #10

    Apr 13, 2012, 11:22 AM
    Im trying really hard but I keep waking up to those dreams with her every day and it seems that the only time I'm happy is when I'm dreaming.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Apr 13, 2012, 08:59 PM
    Having thoughts and dreams that trigger feelings is normal, and human. What you do about them is what counts, and over time if you keep busy and enjoy your life those old feelings fade, as you keep replacing them with new ones.

    Its normal to dream of things that made us happy. We all want to be happy, even as we are going through tough times. Especially if we are going through a tough time.

    Even old married guys (And wives) have dreams about previous loves. You'll see. In time you won't be disturbed by them at all once you learn to cope with the feelings. Its as big a deal as you let it be. Thing is to seek to be happy without her, when you are awake.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Apr 14, 2012, 03:57 PM
    Thanks, I really appreciate your help.

    The feeling gets better day by day and I hope that one day ill stop thinking about her. Im trying to remember bad times we had so I won't miss her and it seems to work sometimes.

    The only fear I have is that, after I go back to my country for summer ( 3.5 months ) and then return back to the states for school that she might try to contact me because I think one of the biggest reasons she doesn't want to commit now is that I'm leaving for the summer.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Apr 14, 2012, 04:15 PM
    That could well be, but I see no point in worrying about what hasn't happened yet. One day at a time and cross that bridge when you come to it.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #14

    Apr 15, 2012, 09:33 PM
    I cant keep living like this
    Since I broke up with my girlfriend I've been nothing but depressed. I thought about suicide but I would never do that to my parents. I am not a coward but she was my everything and I am being dillusional thinking that she might come back one day when I know she won't.

    Please help me. My friends call me dramatic and no one wants to hear about this anymore. I went to this party yesterday and I just left hysterically crying because I couldn't deal with my feelings.
    flowerchildfala's Avatar
    flowerchildfala Posts: 96, Reputation: 16
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    #15

    Apr 15, 2012, 09:37 PM
    Im really sorry to hear about your break up! It really hurts when someone you love leaves you but please don't commit suicide over this. I understand the pain you are going through as I was in love with my boyfriend and when he left it me it was the worst experience but time will heal you, trust me. You need to relise that if she left you then you can do better. Some one better will come along! You need to spend time just crying, try to get alll your emotions out. Try to pamper yourself and do things you enjoy that will get your mind of him. Also I found writing in a diary helped keep my emotions in control! Please don't give up!!
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #16

    Apr 15, 2012, 09:41 PM
    Thank you.

    I don't know what to do though. Im away from my family ( studying in the US ) and I can't even talk to them about it. The thing that hurts the most is that my friends here won't even try to help me. If someone needed my help in a case like this I would do anything to help them. I am stuck in my small room staring at the walls feeling like the world is over and I don't even want to go out just in case I happen to run into her.
    jellyyyy's Avatar
    jellyyyy Posts: 5, Reputation: 2
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    #17

    Apr 16, 2012, 12:19 AM
    I'm so sorry, and your friends really are not helpful. I suppose that you should keep talking to people online about it if you have no one else, it should help. Also, you'll find somebody else, trust me. This one girl is not worth your life, you have a ton left to live for. Take everything slowly, but make sure you don't keep everything bottled in; that never helps. When you feel ready, go out and run some errands or something that can keep your mind occupied.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #18

    Apr 16, 2012, 08:10 AM
    Actually the coward kills theirself, since they are not brave enough to face the world.

    And not to make it sound wrong, but girlfriends and loves will come and go out of your life often, that is how love works, If you find the right one and live 30 years with them, death takes one of you first normally.

    If you are having this much trouble, get some professional counseling.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #19

    Apr 16, 2012, 08:47 AM
    You are right, this is about dealing with your OWN feelings and you have a lot of crying to do, but you must also get some physical action going for yourself. Understand that a part of this is being isolated, and a part of this is a lack of having that good listener.

    The main part of this is this is still a very fresh hurtful wound, and you have no experience in how to address it. All you can see is the end of your world. I cannot stress the need to get some fresh air and exercise, strenuous as possible, and vent the intensity of your feelings so they can be dealt with. Write a long letter to her, put everything in it you feel, read it two hours later, and burn it! Then get busy with some exercise.

    I guess you are also seeing that your friends are hardly sympathetic to you, and that's another area of your life that has added to your already hurt feelings. Know this, as a break up often reveals to us the things we need to change, correct, and make better, as a happy life without your partner, is so essential to having a happy relationship.

    Now cry your eyes out, and write that letter, and get some air and exercise. The gym, or a run, either is okay. Two aspirin, and a good nights sleep. To be ready to deal with whatever the day brings. Break ups are exhausting.
    w4rr1or's Avatar
    w4rr1or Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #20

    Apr 18, 2012, 12:01 PM
    Ex girlfriend comes back ?
    So.. we broke up about a month ago and after a 2 week of NC and several failed attempts to talk, ex messages me on Sunday and we went up meeting up that night . She stayed over my place till this morning as she had to go to class. Everything felt like old times( she would kiss me, hug me first ) but I'm still really scared about what is going on. Why would she text me if she was the one to break up with me? Is she using me to have a good time?

    When I asked her about us, she said that she doesn't want to rush this and that we've been both doing better since we broke up. Sounds like a case of I want the cake and I want to eat it too but I find it hard to believe she would be like that.

    Help please.

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