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Jodders · Apr 18, 2012, 12:36 PM

I think you sound right, she wants the best of both worlds, but if you want to see how things go then that's fine, its all follow your heart I'm afraid no one can tell you what is right or wrong, love works both ways and there was a reason she left u (may you agree with it or not) so you have to figure out what changed her views

w4rr1or · Apr 18, 2012, 12:42 PM

I think ill just enjoy it while it lasts and try to get over her in that process. I am just in denial that she would just use me after all we had.

Anyone has any thoughts? You think she's after money and having a good time instead of feelings? I find it weird for everything to be normal like nothing happened ( have sex , do the things we used to do, act like we are together ) but still she doesn't want to talk about us.

Slight Update : I found out she is out with her friend hitting a bar and a stripclub. Like what the hell.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2012, 09:22 PM

Dude, she is stopping you from moving on, or disappearing from her life, and you gobbled it up, think this is your big chance, but of course you are still dumped, but available when she needs.

You let me know how this works out for you. Back to the confused misery you came here with.

w4rr1or · Apr 18, 2012, 09:31 PM

I know man. But how can everything be perfect? I asked her why she was here and she said that she missed me. She would come and cuddle with me and kiss me and then she told me that she had so much fun the past two days and we really were. We were texting today and I told her I had to do something and that she could text me whenever she wanted to talk and she said okay and everything but still nothing. And now I find out that she's out with her friend at a bar or something. What should I do to know what's going on? I feel that if I find out that her intensions were to just have fun and use me then its going to be easier for me to move on, or so I think.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2012, 11:25 PM

She isn't using you, not intentionally I don't think, but she is determined to enjoy you, and whatever else she decides to do with her time, and friends. Its great not to be committed and have options.

But you my friend have got to get over the notion of being in an official exclusive relationship, and must decide how you will handle yourself. That's the problem as you expect things to go back to what it was, and it simply will NOT!

That means you either take control of yourself and the situation by deciding if you can handle the new program she wants, or walk away, and tell her to leave you alone. Personally, I would always have time for this off/on thing she is doing when she feels like it.

That's where the confusion is and you will never get your head together letting her come and go in your life as she pleases, no matter how good it is when she is there with you. So you have choices and options too, and not just be a p***y whipped part time boy toy, whose head is so full of this female you compromise your dignity, and self respect.

Think my friend, to heal and get your act together you have to stand up to this female and not just give in to her, when she wants to spend time with you.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

w4rr1or · Apr 19, 2012, 02:50 AM

That's the best reply I've ever got so far. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you

I will stand up for myself and show her that she can't push me around like that. I have realized that she is nothing like the person I thought she was and I don't want to waste anymore time hoping that she will someday become who I thought she was in my eyes.

What ill do is enjoy the time we have left together as I'm going back to my home country for summer in 3 weeks and I won't see her for 4 months and in that time I will be away from everything here and its going to be easier to move on.

It sucks that the girl I once thought of as my future wife , was in fact nothing but an illusion I've created in my head, a perfect girl.

To those reading this, never build your life around a girl.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2012, 07:28 AM

You are learning my friend, never let your feelings get you carried away, no matter how intense they may be at the time.

w4rr1or · Apr 20, 2012, 01:08 PM

Update:

We talked about some stuff yesterday and she told me that her feelings haven't changed about me and that she is just in a bad time in her life and that she doesn't want to complicate things and put any stress on her life because we used to fight a lot. However, I am pretty sure I saw her texting another guy yesterday while she was here and the guy was the "rebound" guy.

I also asked her what are we considered or where does she ultimately see us going and she said she lives for the moment and doesn't think about the future. When I asked her if it was a good idea to keep seeing each other she told me " Are you willing to keep hanging out and not be dating?"

What should I do?

Raiise · Apr 20, 2012, 01:43 PM

If you want her back. Ignore her. Sounds ridiculous, but give it time to see just how badly she needs you. Once you reply to one of her messages, you're under her control again. Just keep the upper hand for now, until you know exactly how important you are to her.

w4rr1or · Apr 20, 2012, 05:30 PM

I really don't know what to do anymore.

She was over at my place yesterday again ( last time she spent 3 days in a row here ) and everything was like we were together.

Today , she stopped replying to my texts and then when she started again she told me " i dont want to text , i dont text as much anymore" and then a few minutes later we started this long conversation about random stuff. I have this suspicion that she was with another guy and just didn't want to risk getting caught talking to me.

What can I do ?

LadySam · Apr 20, 2012, 06:18 PM

What I have noticed from your posts is one thing, no disrespect intended.
You are wishy-washy and allowing someone to manipulate you in the worst way.
Are you open to a woman's take on this?
YOU ARE BEING USED, Clear and simple, and a text is all it takes for her to have you swaying in her breeze.
It may be unintentional on her part, but I doubt it.
She is not doing this to you, you are doing it to you by allowing it. And I think she knows that and is using it to her advantage.
You really need to step back and evaluate the relationship, look how much angst you are in because of it.
Is it really worth it?

w4rr1or · Apr 20, 2012, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by LadySam

What I have noticed from your posts is one thing, no disrespect intended.
You are wishy-washy and allowing someone to manipulate you in the worst way.
Are you open to a woman's take on this?
YOU ARE BEING USED, Clear and simple, and a text is all it takes for her to have you swaying in her breeze.
It may be unintentional on her part, but I doubt it.
She is not doing this to you, you are doing it to you by allowing it. And I think she knows that and is using it to her advantage.
You really need to step back and evaluate the relationship, look how much angst you are in because of it.
Is it really worth it?

I don't know why I'm so in love with her.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2012, 08:24 PM

Let it go, and get your sanity back. That's what you should do!

LadySam · Apr 20, 2012, 08:56 PM

For your sake, let it go, You have gotten very good advice from talaniman, it's time to heed that advice.
It hurts, yes, we've all been there at one time or another and the only answer is completely separate yourself from the problem.
There will be other girls/women, trust me.
I'm betting when you go back to your own home and she has no access to you that you will do much better with this whole situation.

w4rr1or · Apr 26, 2012, 09:57 AM

Update:

So , she has been at my place since Friday and we have been perfectly happy at least or so I thought. Everything seemed to be great but I saw that she was texting another guy while she was here and I just couldn't deal with that bs anymore. Today I talked to her about how I feel and I told her that I can't do that anymore and that I don't to "hang out" as she calls it, anymore.

She started crying hysterically when I told her and she told me that I will never understand how much she loves me. My question:

Why would she be with me for almost a week straight when she is texting with this other dude about meeting up, why would she start crying and stuff?

She also texted me this after she left this morning:

" I want you to know that understand what you are saying and you are right. I'm sorry for putting you in this position. And so you know, i will never love anyone else how i love you. And im sorry for hurting you. I wasnt trying to disrespect you. I just wanted the feeling of knowing how it felt to be loved back by someone you love."

But still.. she texts the other guy, and doesn't want to be in a relationship.

I feel proud that I had the courage to step up and tell her that and I hope I can be strong and stick to my decision

amicon · Apr 28, 2012, 12:33 AM

Let it go, and get your sanity back. That's what you should do!
This is what Talaniman said a week ago-time to listen...

Now stick with your decision!

none12345 · Apr 28, 2012, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by w4rr1or

Update:

So , she has been at my place since Friday and we have been perfectly happy at least or so i thought. Everything seemed to be great but i saw that she was texting another guy while she was here and i just couldn't deal with that bs anymore. Today i talked to her about how i feel and i told her that i can't do that anymore and that i dont to "hang out" as she calls it, anymore.

She started crying hysterically when i told her and she told me that i will never understand how much she loves me. My question:

Why would she be with me for almost a week straight when she is texting with this other dude about meeting up, why would she start crying and stuff?

She also texted me this after she left this morning:

" I want you to know that understand what you are saying and you are right. I'm sorry for putting you in this position. And so you know, i will never love anyone else how i love you. And im sorry for hurting you. I wasnt trying to disrespect you. I just wanted the feeling of knowing how it felt to be loved back by someone you love."

But still.. she texts the other guy, and doesn't want to be in a relationship.

I feel proud that i had the courage to step up and tell her that and i hope i can be strong and stick to my decision

What you need to do is go into no contact. Delete her off Facebook, your cell phone, messenger , etc. Don't talk to her, don't reply to her text, and congratulations you have made the first step to moving on. Now all you need to do is keep no contact and follow through and stick to your decision. Any contact with her would bring u 2 steps backward for every 1 step forward you make and that is not good.

Handyman2007 · Apr 28, 2012, 08:55 AM

I do not understand the NC-No Contact rule that you kids have developed. Obviously, when you break up with someone, you actually DO NOT WANT ANY CONTACT WITH THEM? Correct? Then why make a NC rule?
Move on. Ignore any attempts by her to contact you. Change your cell number, change your Facebook password(why anyone would allow anyone else access to their account is beyond me)Change your email address. MOVE ON...