[sean_s]

So there is the woman, whom I loved with my every thing.

It was an LDR, I did not want to go into it, she convinced me to come into it. She countered all my arguments with assurance that it would work. Before her, I was in an abusive relationship, so I was reluctant to take another relationship at all, as I thought I will not survive another breakup. However, she continued to support me, and convince me it would work.

I fell again in love. I gave her my everything. She has a Muskogee Indian heritage, and I started to learn the language for her (I speak German and English). I loved her with all my honesty. She kept on telling me I am her soul mate and so on. I told her again to leave me if this was a game, as I would not be able to handle another breakup.

Now since the last week, she is not talking to me, not picking up my calls, and so on. I am spending nights without sleep, hoping she will finally get time to talk with me. She is in USA, I am in Germany, and hence we have a time difference.

Now she sends me a message in FB, telling me she wants to end the relationship. She uses the same arguments (such as this is an internet relationship), which she herself countered. This falsifies her previous counterarguments. Hence the whole time it has been a lie.

However, I have a deadline in 8 days (not negotiable). And I am feeling like killing myself. I am not able to take this breakup. I am sorry. But on the other hand, my brain says I should leave to fulfill the deadline at least. Please help, I am a 22 year old man, atheist, ready to take the world face on (I took a number of troubles face on, I was homeless, at some point of time, I was about to be kicked out of the uni, from there I went to work in the German airspace center, and graduated without taking any extra semester, and with 20 extra course credit - 200 instead of 180 that is), don't know what to think, sitting alone in the staircase, crying uncontrollably, and attempting to commit suicide. The reward of my honesty to the woman is my tears.

There must have been a gap in my honesty. If my honesty is lacking, what is the point of living?

I just want to live till 11th of April and do the assigned work. But I can't convince myself to do so. Please help.

I don't need condolences, I don't need clichés. I need serious advices. I just need to finish my work, for which I have 8 days. Help me to live for these 8 days.


I don't care if she is worth it or not.
I care:
1. The reward are my tears, there must have been a gap in my honesty
2. She lied all the way, she used the same arguments that I used to avoid getting into it in the first place, must be something wrong in me
3. She again lied. She said that she "found new realizations, after having a discussion with someone" - why can't just she say she found a new man.
4. 8 days of life would suffice. Just help me with that.

[joypulv]

People do lie! We all do. Please, are you telling me you never were wrong about some friendship or like or dislike or interest? She didn't do it deliberately, just a bit thoughtlessly, but I'm reluctant to say even that because she just changed her mind, and the whole world does that ALL THE TIME. I am going to say something harsh: you sound more in love with some ideal of honesty than you do with her. How much can you love someone you barely know? And what does investment (learning her language) have to do with anything? Investment is having a child or sticking a knife in your eyes because she is blind, not acquiring new knowledge.
Now as for living until you're your work is done, good. Then on the 11th you can assess if you still want to die or if a new project requires your attention. Keep writing here until then.
Truthfully you sound more wounded and looking for reasons to stay alive than you do reasons to die. I never preach about life and sanctity and I don't even try to tell anyone a list of reasons to live. I look for what you are saying between the lines.
Yes, love hurts. Losing a LDR isn't even a drop in the bucket compared to what some of us have been through, and what I have been through is topped by what thousands if not millions of others have been through. Killing yourself over this doesn't sound like what you really want. You are here asking and telling, you are finishing your project - all signs of life.

[BK201]

I want to hear from you how you pulled this through, after April 11th.

[sean_s]

Please, are you telling me you never were wrong about some friendship or like or dislike or interest?

-- I said it face on, not by using hazy terms such as "i came to new realizations ... and i amdoing it for the other parties good". Honestly, if she said it like "sean, with you it was a mistake " or "sean i dont like you", I would not have a problem with that. She is still lying, when she says that she is doing it for my own good. I told her repeatedly I will not be able to take another breakup.

She didn't do it deliberately

-- really? Friday "you are my soulmate", Sunday no return of call, then Monday a message in FB announcing the breakup?

You sound more in love with some ideal of honesty than you do with her

-- good point. I am questioning my honesty, and the point of life without it. I am not questioning the point of life without her.

How much can you love someone you barely know?

-- I know her for a longer time. EVERY time EVERY ING TIME, she had a problem with her family, her past relatioships, she would call me, and tell me what was happening.. It is not an LDR which we meet in chat room, fly to heaven. I now her for a long long time.

And what does investment (learning her language) have to do with anything?

-- the most valuable resource in my life is time. I took time to learn her language to show her love in my way. I am geologist. Language is not my thing, but I decided to do something for her.

Sticking a knife in your eyes because she is blind

-- I know you won't believe this but
1. I had a blind woman I was about to not stick a knife,but donate one of my eyes to her. But she left me just before the act, so I was going to tell her honey, I am ready for this, but just before that she left me.
2. this one is dysautonomic. I was preparing to enter medical school, just to find a cure for her. Again,I am a geologist, I was going to change my life for her.

Now as for living until you're your work is done, good

-- I asked for help on that. I need to do that, but can not convince myself to do that.

Reasons to stay alive than you do reasons to die

-- see above

Losing a LDR isn't even a drop in the bucket compared to what some of us have been through, and what I have been through is topped by what thousands if not millions of others have been through

-- maybe. But I need advice, not a comparison of LDR and your / others relationships, as I said in the original question. And saying "go work" does not help - as that is exactly what I am unable to do now


I am not finishing my project. I am crying alone in the staircase

[sean_s]

I want to hear from you how you pulled this through, after April 11th.

I can't that is the problem

[BK201]

Is there someone in person there with you, who can help you with this?

[sean_s]

Is there someone in person there with you, who can help you with this??

no. and the other thing is that, I tend to hide my feelings, so with my friends, I know they all have there problems, therefore I just keep mine to me, and don't overload them.. BUT I *DO* have excellent friends, who will do random acts of kindness for me, if they notice I am down.

Last night, another woman was with me, and we came to the point where I confessed I have a breakup. Her answer is that "you are laughing, it does not seem you are hurt". Goodness, if there was someone who would look though my laughter into my heart and the agony it is keeping...

That is one of the reasons I am asking the question in internet. I somehow assume that the people in the internet are easier to reach to, as this is an open pool, and only those will answer who will have time / intension

[BK201]

That deadline work must be something really important.. Try to think only about that.. and well said, everyone has their own problem, may be they won't want to share, but we all do. We still live to tell the story.

(I took a number of troubles face on, I was homeless, at some point of time, I was about to be kicked out of the Uni, from there I went to work in the German Airspace Center, and graduated without taking any extra semester, and with 20 extra course credit - 200 instead of 180 that is

Wow, going through such hardships, and now you have some important job to complete, on which people depend upon.. why to waste everything that you have built up out of so many years of hardship.. Future. Only thing in your mind should be the future, and future.. not the recent past.

[sean_s]

I just can not.I write one line of calculation in the paper, and start crying... what is the point of anything? I myself don't count. I don't even have the capacity to love someone..

[BK201]

No point in crying without trying.
Sort things out first.
What is the priority now? And what you need to do. If you keep thinking and thinking about her and there will be no end to it.
When everyone can, you can too. Just try it, you can.

[sean_s]

When everyone can, you can too. Just try it, you can.

What is even the point?I am totally lost

[talaniman]

Where you not lost when you faced adversity and challenge before? What got you through those gut checks? That's what will get you through this also, if you get off the pity pot, and get busy on your own behalf like you did before. You have already proved o yourself that you can overcome any obstacle and succeed, do so again.

Don't let a fickle female stop you from accomplishing your goals, that's crazy, and you have gotten to far to throw it away by some dumb female. You can't tell me you were dumb enough to love with everything, and saved nothing for yourself? Say it ain't so, my friend, as no way that's a healthy thing to do, no matter the sweet words that hooked you.

Handle your business NOW, my friend, and there will be plenty of time to cry later, all you want, all you need.

[sean_s]

Hi! Thanks for the reply.

Where you not lost when you faced adversity and challenge before?

No, I told myself, that I am going to get a new house / job / better results / options etc, and I shot until I got it. I guess that is not what you do with your love
Been married longer than you have been on the earth, and it took MANY rejections and romantic failures to find my soul mate. Sucked at the time, every time, but had a great time in between females, and with them while it lasted. Life has many storms, many obstacles, some are harder than others, but healing takes time but always happens if you NEVER quit on yourself because of a temporary setback. Especially over a girl who left you. Close that chapter, have good memories, and allow another door to open. IT WILL, IT ALWAYS DOES, the question will be will you be ready and able when it does

What got you thru those gut checks? Thats what will get you thru this also, if you get off the pity pot, and get busy on your own behalf like you did before. You have already proved o yourself that you can overcome any obstacle and succeed, do so again.

Only if I could.. I am crying about it sooooo much.
Crying is okay, it gets the poison out, getting busy will also help between cries, and you have much to do, you said so yourself

Don't let a fickle female stop you from accomplishing your goals, thats crazy, and you have gotten to far to throw it away by some dumb female. You can't tell me you were dumb enough to love with everything, and saved nothing for yourself?

I loved her completely. GIVING everything up. EVERY THING.

When you have healed in time you will have much to give to a certain one who deserves you, and knows how to treat you. Thats why we know that the next chapter will be better, because you have experience, and can HANDLE yourself better. Thats your reason for living bud! You KNOW this will pass, and it will be better. Have faith!

Handle your business NOW, my friend, and there will be plenty of time to cry later, all you want, all you need.

I neither want to cry, nor do I need. I want a reason to live.

Thats easy pal, because you know if you hang in there thru the hard times it will be better, later!!!

You will realize that you are lucky to be rid of this unreliable female you gave much to, and be very happy you didn't curse your future kids with a mother such as her. You may of loved her, but she clearly didn't appreciate it, so recharge and get busy with what you have to do now, to make your future better. Indeed it will be! You can live if you want to.

[odinn7]

You are going to kill yourself over a f'ing woman? Really? Come on now... this is just some stupid woman that that lives half way across the world. That's no reason to kill yourself, man. Get a grip!

Listen... you want a reason to live? How about this... live to fulfill your goals. Live to be everything you want to be. Then later on in life, you can look back at this time, look back at her, and think how much better off you are without her and how she is such a loser for not choosing you. That, my friend, is your revenge. Trust me, it will get better... just give it some time.

[sean_s]

I don't want a revenge on her, she is not worth it, I just want to

1. function properly
2. get something IN RETURN for the price I paid already

And about realizing who deserves me, I thought she does, because she appeared to match my wave-length sooooo wellll.. until she "comes to realization while talking with someone"

[talaniman]

just want to
1. function properly

You will in time, if you understand it does take time after a break up for normal thoughts to function fully, and the emotional dust has settled.

2. get something IN RETURN for the price I paid already

Get what in return? You shared time and memories with another human, and enjoyed it to some extent. That's all you get. That's all any of us gets. No wonder you are miserable with NOTHING! Just because you can't see it, or feel it, in TIME you will understand it, so hang around and it will happen.

Break ups suck, and for a while they make us miserable. Its temporary though.

[joypulv]

I apologize if I was wrong about any specific things. I'm willing to change what I said. There's a lot of guesswork online, when we don't know the other person. We present some ideas and you can take them or leave them or let us know where we are wrong.

If you decide to live, I wonder if you will examine a possible tendency to give too much, too soon, in relationships.

I once decided to suddenly move from the east coast of the US to the west because I was miserable. A friend decided to have a huge going away party for me, even though I didn't want it. Sure enough, I moved back a month later. She was angry and hurt. I hadn't wanted the party!

So I wonder, are you like my friend, sacrificing too much, making them uncomfortable with your devotion and giving, driving them away?

Relationships are very rarely equal in the amount of devotion given and received. It seems like one person always 'loves the other one more than he or she loves me.' There's no easy solution; it will always be this way for many many people.

[J_9]

Harshness warning....warning...warning!

It's time to put on your big boy pants and get off the pity pot. You should never make someone your world, your entire life, and give everything until the day you tie the knot and put the ring on her finger or the day that your babies are born. Until then you are numero uno. Number One. You must always look out for you and your best interests.

It's obvious from your post that this girl is no longer worthy of your affections. You are way too important in this world for someone to stomp all over you like that. Always, always keep your guard up, especially in LDR's. In an LDR you don't have the proper tools to know whether the person you are "dating" is on the up-and-up or if they are just leading you on with words and fake affection.

Dude, you have been through so much in your life and have pulled through with flying colors. You can do this. Is it going to be easy for you? No. You were homeless... note the word were. But you aren't now are you?

You were about to be kicked out of Uni, but you finished without taking any extra semesters. Do you actually realize how HARD that is to do? If you can do that, you can do anything.

With what you have accomplished, aside from this stumble, you are an inspiration to many. If you can make it through all of that, you certainly can make it through this.

[sean_s]

It's time to ..... make it through this.

Thanks for your reply, very kind of you that you took time to reply to a devastated soul, crumpled to his staircase.

Yes, indeed, it is an "was" - past tense about me being homeless. Now I am renting an apartment, and working as a part time secondary teacher and so on...

We were about to tie the knots in July, in my birthday.. She said she would move to Germany, or to Norway, in which case, we both would move.

And it's not a random LDR. I know her through a social media site since two years. I was her constant shoulder to cry on, whenever, something went wrong, her family, her relationships, her sickness, and so on... One time, in my last relationship, which traumatized and abused me, I was again suicidal, she called me, asked me not to do it. Then after two months, of that event, she proposed to me, I restrained her, but she argued that it would work, and talked about the efficiency of communication above her distance from me. She told me that all what she needs is a true love etc etc...

She had dysautonomia. I wanted to cure her. I was looking at my medical training applications... I am a geologist by training. I have no connection with the medical world, but in germany, if you take at least 6 years of pharmaceutical training, you are eligible to apply for a medical school. I was going to take that route.. .

Everything was a dream... Then, there were formal Lies. She said she would deactivate her FB, but she is highly active there. She said there were some people she did not like, when they commented some random on her FB.. I answered to those comments taking her side... Now she is flirting those people in FB.

It does not matter whom she flirts. The only thing is what did I get against my dedication? As for tying the knots, is it really necessary?

Since she left me, I surely was unable to offer her "true love". What else did I need to do for her?

[Fr_Chuck]

First sorry life is not fair, There is no fair deal for the price we pay. You were suckered into a relationship by what appears most likely dating scam. There are 1000's of people who lose all of their money every week to these things.

And there are are people who lose everything to real life love in person, In dating and in relationship there is no for sure. Yesterday is gone, there is little change we can make on today, we merely prepare for a different tomorrow.

22 I think you said you were, heavens you have not even lived, I have lost two fortunes since I was 22, had two wives die and see more of the world then you have seen on the history channel in my years after 22.

You appear to look for and gain self worth though a relationship with others, You need to stop and find yourself, find happniness in what you do, what others do for you.