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youngparent · Feb 20, 2007, 02:08 PM

Our 8 year old daughter and my best friends son (7 years old) were told a week or so ago in a conversation with them that we felt they were too young to be boyfriend/girlfriend when they asked us if they could be. Today, when I looked in on the kids, the girl (8) and boy (7) were sitting on the couch UNDER A BLANKET holding hands. What do we do or say that they will understand and accept? We do not want them to rebel like this and do it anyway. Why are our children SO YOUNG interested in this? How do we slow it down and NOT let it get worse?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 20, 2007, 03:52 PM

Some are doing a lot more than holding hands sadly in today's grow up fast culture

Best friend not being with her unsupervised is one start

letmetellu · Feb 20, 2007, 09:32 PM

When young people grow up admiring some one like Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton, seeing their actions what do you expect them to do. The songs they listen to are full of suggestive language, the movies and TV they see are full of intimate scenes and talk so they don't have much of a chance to want to do anything but be like the ones that they see all the time.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 20, 2007, 09:38 PM

Supervision is most important. Yet, they should not be taught there is something wrong with holding hands. Have you ever heard of children playing doctor? It does happen. It is part of growing up, and exploring the world.

As far as I can tell it is innocent.

Joe

Skell · Feb 20, 2007, 09:43 PM

Is it possible you are over reacting and reading too much in this? Is it just a little school yard crush?

Not a parent so I'm not at all suggesting you are as I really don't know how it would make me feel, but I see little kids all the time holding and hands and as Joe put it exploring the world. In 6 months time he will probably find girls "disgusting and gross" when he has his new football buddies around.

I agree with Joe. Sounds fairly innocent to me!

robynhgl · Feb 21, 2007, 09:52 AM

This could be an over-reaction... kids do play girlfriend/boyfriend, and they've been doing it forever. Take it from someone who was 'engaged' while in the second grade. Granted my betrothed was also engaged to about three other girls and when his Mom noticed all of her fancy costume jewelry was missing the affair/s were doomed, that was some 38 or so years ago.

Does your daughter 'really' understand what that type of relationship is? Or does she just think that it's when a girl and a boy think each other are cute... and not much else? Is she imitating being a grown-up or some other older person she looks up to? And how much 'information' does she have from seeing that type of interaction? Last summer I saw a little girl who was about 5 or 6 pushing her baby carriage down the sidewalk--she was obviously 'pregnant' and she had also had rather large breasts for a kid that age... her Mom was behind her--and very pregnant... the kid was just imitating what she saw. No big deal.

The best you can do is ask your daughter some questions--get to know what she's thinking before you get too stressed over something that might just be a normal phase she's going through. It's understandable that we sometimes get overwrought by things--especially when it's being hammered into our heads all of the time that we need to be vigilant about stuff like this. The problem is that sometimes we over-react and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Emily94 · Apr 24, 2007, 05:55 AM

This isn't really an ansrew but more less a warning... my best friend lost her viginity at age 10 and started smoking around age 11, she is now 14 and addictied to heroin,pot,and many others. My other friend is pregnant at age 12!And this other girl I resesntly posted a question about was pregnant at age 13 but lost the baby to alcohol and drugs!so really just to tell EVERYONE this world isn't how it used to be! Think about this when ansrewing these questions that the world is changing!and its not like we live in a big city we live I na town with about 200 people

whiteladybug2002 · Apr 26, 2007, 10:17 AM

TV? Mommy & Daddy?

Kids want to grow up fast and be just like the adults they see, good or bad. If they want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, because they see mom & dad holding hands... I think that is a positive thing. Yes, it is soon, but they look up to you and you are a positive role model.

If they want to be boyfriend and girlfriend like on TV... BAD! You never know what that may mean! Even if you monitor your child's TV time, doesn't mean that the other kid's parents do the same!

I had a friend with a 6 yr old girl. She invited a friend over with a 7 yr old boy. The moms sent their kids to the girl's room to play and didn't think nothing more of it. The children never bothered the moms. When the boy's mom was ready to leave, they both went to the little girl's room and discovered the door shut. When they opened the door they found the girl under the blanket naked and the boy with his tongue somewhere it should not have been! My friend found out that the boy's mom did not monitor the boy's TV time and let him watch whatever he wanted... he clicked a bottom on day and orders a porno movie and watched it!! The boy's mom learned this after she received her cable bill!!

Holding hands isn't that bad, if you think about what else they could be doing!! If you don't make a big deal out of it, I think this phase will pass!

Good Luck and God Loves You!

vlee · Apr 26, 2007, 07:09 PM

I would say you are overreacting. It's monkey see, monkey do. Do these kids see their parents holding hands? There are games children play in schoolyards that involve hand holding. I remember having a crush on a boy in kindergarten. By the next year, I hated boys and carried on being disgusted by them until I was 12. They are most likely just trying to imitate the grown ups in their world and I think making a big deal of it would be a mistake. It's a normal part of being a kid.

beebop · Apr 26, 2007, 11:55 PM

If you are concerned about it, why are you letting them be alone together in a room?

Anayden · Apr 27, 2007, 12:42 AM

Why don't you sit and talk with them about what they think boyfriend/girlfriend means? See what they know first before you shun their idea cause when they at school they could be together... and you would never even know. Try it, tell them NO kissing, they can't be in the same room together without a grownup... stuff like that. If you tell your kids No you know they are going to do it anyway. THEY ARE KIDS, that's what they do. Tell them they can try it for a couple weeks or something. Sometimes the parents need to give in to the child. Like if they have a talent you would want to encourage them in it, not hender them. Try it and you might find that it isn't so bad. Just set STRICT RULES!

lacuran8626 · Apr 30, 2007, 11:19 AM

I think a major consideration is whether either child is generally trying to act more grown up than appropriate, and how the parents behave. Find out from your child what they think it means to be boyfriend and girlfriend and if it was a game, or if they really want to think they have that relationship.

Because it's very likely that this type of exploratory play is really uncomfortable for one of the children (one is probably pushing it, the othe going along with it), don't let them play off by themselves.

Also consider how the other parents are raising their child. Are they overtly sexual around their kids? Does the other mom act overly sexual or suggestive? Does the dad objectify women?