[Troubledck89]

So my boyfriend and I have been living together for about a yr and dating for almost 2 years. We started things off very fast and moved in right away, the first few months were amazing and as things moved on he just got more and more distant and it has come to a point where we only do things on his time. I'm 22 and still in college and working he is 27 and has graduated and is working. I thought due to our age difference he would be more willing to compromise on certain things with me but it just isn't happening.

Many things he does just drive me crazy! He treats his friends better than his family and I. If a friend needs help he's there with a smile if I ask him for something it's an automatic no every time whether it is stopping to grab my body wash on the way home or a night alone it's a no he's miserable and crabby with me I feel like he can't stand me and when I talk to him about it he just says he's busy and has a lot on his mind which may be true but that is just life and the older you get the more there is worry about neither one of us have children or demanding jobs I'm just concerned about what the future will hold is he going to be like this forever??

Another big concern of mine is complete and total ignorance to making any compromise in our relationship. I am a planner I enjoy planning out my days and weeks in order to stay focused relaxed and organized without a plan being executed properly I am unable to get anything done and well my other half is the complete opposite he just does whatever he wants to do especially when there is a plan that I have made.

We had plans to attend my cousins wedding. He new for over 2 months. I reminded him daily. Two weeks prior to the wedding I tried to talk to him about what the plans were, you know time we were leaving etc. And well he just didn't want to hear anything so I just told him what we were doing he said fine but when the day came he now needed to work, buy shoes, and get a haircut the day of the wedding. Was over 2 hours late so I just left without him. And then when he showed up he was angry with me cause he had to wait about 15 minutes for me to locate him. I was mad but didn't want to ruin my night so just let it go but this just keeps happening and instead of discussing things with me prior to an event he just tells me to inform him of the plan which I do and get and agreement then the day of mostly during the event he changes plans.

Its usually when we have a date he will bring a friend and I just don't know how how to communicate with him in a way so that things like this don't happen.

[mudweiser]

Sounds like you guys need to learn to communicate with each other.

Does he show interest when you want to talk to him? When do you try to talk to him-- because trying to talk to him during a game/favorite show, before work or right after, during a stressful time (i.e. job loss, after getting injured.. etc), right before bed or right after he wakes up. Sometimes I find the best time to talk to a man is after he's been fed (if he gets sleepy, like mine does, talk to him after his "dinner nap"). Go out for a walk, go to a neutral place or out for a coffee/tea. And just talk-- being out of the home will keep you from yelling at each other and stomping out on each other. Tell him how he makes you feel when he does certain things, and ask him what you do that makes me feel upset with you. See what you two can do to better communicate.

Soft words and a calm behavior and a non condescending tone gets your point across rather than "You're so lazy, I do everything and I hate that about you".

You can say "It make ME feel upset when I come home after work/school and there is so much to do around the house. I'm not asking you to do everything for me but do you think that if we can both contribute to doing the chores?"

Or "Jon, I don't feel valued when you don't listen to me. When I try to plan something ahead of time and you disregard it I feel like what I have to say doesn't matter to you. I know you're not much of a planner but what is it that we can do so I feel heard and our plans do follow through?"

Something like that.

Of course body language and tone says it all too.. speaking with your arms crossed and a harsh voice or furrowed brows would make him feel like a mother-son relationship-- like he's in trouble and he's about to get an earful.

He's not in trouble because you BOTH are in trouble.

Communication is really important; it starts with your body language and ends with your words.

Good luck!

[Picaso714]

Have you a clear conversation? Sit down together? He wants his freedom with friends you like planing which he doesn't like. Don't waste time in someone who doesn't are enough to put an effort. Your first mistake was moving in to quick. Everyone has the romanticized idea of living.

[talaniman]

I think the time together has given you an opportunity to see things you didn't see before, and the annoying ways he has. It happens with all couples I think, and you either make good adjustments, or you split, if you cannot resolve your issues through honest communications.

No communications, no relationship!

[Troubledck89]

I know moving in so quickly was our biggest mistake and soon after it just felt as if we were an old married couple standard same old stuff fights about stupid things. I know we need to communicate better I've tried and yes maybe at the wrong times I am going to plan it out much better and have a serious talk about these things with him. Currently he is overseas for a little over a month I feel that the time apart will be good for us and hopefully his attitude toward me changes and he stops taking me for granted.