[Ms.lady408]

This is a long crazy story and I would appreciate so much if someone gave me a second opinion. I'll send good vibes your way if you do:)

I met my current boyfriend a year ago. We started dating and became very close. This went on from May until August. Toward the end, I noticed him calling less frequently and felt inside that he was losing interest.

One day as I was was waiting in his car for him as he was inside. I was fretting over the possibility of him being involved with his female co-worker, when I saw this same chick calling his phone. I know now that it was actually nothing, but at the time I just assumed he was cheating, so I cut ties with him and tried to move on.

So we didn't talk for about 5 months and I thought he was out of my life forever, but I never moved on from him. I had 2 flings during our time apart. The first, I am deeply ashamed and remorseful of. A couple of months after I cut ties with my man, I met this charming cute guy at my friend's house. I was very intoxicated. I was wearing a skirt, and I was standing outside in the driveway talking to this guy side by side, when all of a sudden in a blink of an eye, I felt a couple fingers inserted in my vagina from behind. How he got around my underwear that fast, only god knows (unfortunately).

Being as I was extremely intoxicated, it took me a minute to process everything, although I was neutral in the moment, but stunned. Next thing I know, he's kind of shuffling me to the side of the house behind some trash cans (I know, very classy.) and lifting my skirt and unzipping his pants. I said "stop", but he didn't. In my head, I remember thinking "Maybe this will help me get over _____" (my ex man) and kind of just gave in and went with it. We used protection of course, and this literally lasted about 5 seconds before we stopped and I left to go to my car. Writing this, I sound like a dumb, spineless ***** and my shame is amplified ten-fold. I hated myself for this for a long time and still do when I think about it, I've never forgiven myself.

My second fling was with a guy I had a crush on in high school who I reconnected with. He was as sweet and cute as I remembered and we kept in touch, him always texting me good morning and wanting to hang out. He asked me to be his girlfriend, so I was like why not, even though you're not as cool as my ex man, maybe this could be something good, and he's pretty cool and nice. This lasted about 3 weeks. We had sex once, and literally he stopped talking to me after that. It really sucked and it hurt to be used but I should have known better and had my guard up.

Anyway, that happened, and a couple months afterward, to my intense joy my ex man and I slowly started picking things up again. We've been talking for a month and a half, and been officially together for 2 weeks and I am sure in my heart, mind, and soul that I love this guy. Everything is 10 times better then it was before, it turns out he actually wasn't talking to his female co-worker, our communication is great, we're on the completely same wavelength, we support and listen to each other and really just relate to each other with love and he treats me like a princess.

OKAY, FINALLY HERE COMES MY QUESTION, MY APOLOGIES AND THANK YOU IF YOU'VE READ THIS FAR A few days ago in the car, he asked me if I had sex with anyone in the time we weren't talking. I told him about my 3 week boyfriend. He didn't say anything and drove straight to my house and told me he'd talk to me later. He's like that, if he's mad he won't say ****. I picked and picked until he opened up and told me he was mad that I'd had sex with a guy. He told me "I hope you're happy with that fool, cause you sure ****ed up something good, I hope it was worth it" and just telling me I was wrong in really harsh, mean ways. I don't think I was wrong, cause hell, we were BROKEN UP. OUT OF EACH OTHER'S LIVES. I left him cause I thought he cheated on me, did he really expect me to not get with anyone?

Anyway, he tried to break up with me over that but I was fighting hard for him, emphasizing the fact that I never ****ing cheated on him or even talked to anyone while I was with him and pointing out how unfair it was of him to judge me for something that happened while we weren't even in each other's lives. So he asked me if that was the only guy I had sex with. In cowardly fashion, I said yes. Knowing if I told him about my 5 second fling with that other guy, he'd literally never talk to me again. After that 5 second encounter, I made a choice to pretend it never happened cause I was ashamed and felt dirty. I don't want ANYONE to know about that cause it's a disgrace and doesn't reflect how I actually am.

Anyway, I have been weighed down with this overwhelming guilt since that day I lied to him. I feel like ****, it's been nearly all I've thought about, from going to bed to waking up and I hate thinking that if he knew the truth he'd hate me forever and I feel like I betrayed him. I feel guilty as all hell. But at the same time, I feel like maybe it it my right to not disclose something that hurt me to him if I don't want to?

But my conscience is condemning me. I never cheated on him, I'm very devoted! I lied about my past because I hate thinking about that and I knew he'd judge me for it and that is a very touchy subject for me anyway. This is the first time I've ever lied to him, I treat him like gold, better then I've ever treated anyone, always showering him with love affection and reassurance and I never have and never would dream of cheating on him.

Can our relationship be healthy and happy from this point on even though I lied about my past?

Thank you so ****ing much to anyone who took the time to read and respond.

[Picaso714]

Well you shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself. This things happen in life. You were single. It could go both ways. If you tell him he will probably leave you which he shouldn't but that's how we guys are. If you don't tell him you will stay together but thT would be in back of your head. You shouldn't act less of yourself to him just because what you did. Don't make lying a habit either. All you can do is just love him.

Personal reaction if you were my girlfriend and you told me.
I would be hurt and I would have left you not judge you. Just because you were able to do those things when you just broke up.

Did he sleep around with other girls?

[talaniman]

To bad you simply didn't tell him your thoughts,

I don't think I was wrong, cause hell, we were BROKEN UP. OUT OF EACH OTHER'S LIVES. I left him cause I thought he cheated on me, did he really expect me to not get with anyone?

Then you wouldn't have to lie to keep this goon, or feel guilty over something that's none of his business.

Can our relationship be healthy and happy from this point on even though I lied about my past?

Nope, you will just have to keep lying to keep him.

[DoulaLC]

If he wasn't ready and willing to accept the possibility that you had been with someone else, he shouldn't have asked. As was said, at that point it wasn't any of his business.

It would be similar to meeting someone for the first time, and starting a relationship with them. Who you dated before, and what you may or may not have done, are not a part of your current relationship.

If you had been honest, or do so now, he will likely end the relationship. Would that be a horrible thing? Maybe, maybe not. You didn't date that long to start with, and in that short time you already weren't sure that you could trust him. And now he asks you if you slept with anyone when you were broken up. Perhaps he did himself, and just wanted to see if you would have done the same thing? Seems trust is a major concern for both of you.

What happened was not something you went looking for. You had been drinking, and while that is not an excuse, your thoughts were not thinking about getting back with your boyfriend, they were wanting to stop thinking about him.

Try not to beat yourself up over it. If it would clear your feelings of guilt, tell him, but be willing to accept his decision. If he was going to leave you over something you did when you were not together, and had no plans of getting back together, you may want to rethink the relationship to start with.

[legowars274]

Wow sounds like a big problem. I think that one day when you are both in a good mood, doing something fun together, you should tell him. You will so much better with that weight lifted off your chest. Maybe say I am sorry but I have something really serious to tell you... then spill. Tell him your sorry but the reason you told him was because you trust him and love him. If he is mad, then that's bad because he shouldn't be. If you explain that you lied because you missed him and wanted him back. Hope this helps and good luck.

[Kazzy1992]

Hey.. My advice is you got to ask yourself this say you did go out again.. What happens when he gets close to another girl will you be thinking he cheated? And there's always a possibilry he will just because u did when u wernt dating! Listen sorry I can't give amazing advice but please can you go and look at my question also exboyfriend related... Need a strangers help... Please?

[odinn7]

Don't tell him and just forget about it. First, he should never have asked. Did you ask him if he did anything with someone else while you were broken up? I bet he did. Second, it doesn't matter... you two were broken up. What happened when you weren't with him is your business and you should not sit there letting guilt get to you for that. Just forget it and don't bring it up.