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lisadeli901 · Feb 20, 2007, 07:10 AM

My husband's daughter is getting married. Her mother is not married, but living with someone. At the wedding the daughter would like her mom and dad to dance together. Is this proper etiquette. My husband wanted me to find out the correct procedure. Thank you

RubyPitbull · Feb 20, 2007, 07:45 AM

If the parents are married, they always dance together.

There is nothing improper about divorced couples dancing together. The proper conduct is for the couples (you and your husband, the ex and the boyfriend) to dance with each other.

The real question is, how comfortable your husband and his ex feel about doing this, AND, if you and his ex's boyfriend don't have a problem with this. If your husband or his ex are not comfortable with this, or if you and/or the boyfriend are not comfortable with this, then it should not be done.

This is the bride's special day and to a certain degree it is a fantasy day for her. She wants everyone to be happy and she wants it to be her perfect day. But, she should be sensitive to everyone's feelings and should not force something that could prove to be uncomfortable for the parties involved. If this is the case, either her mother or father, should explain to her that they love her, but it makes them uncomfortable to do this. They should assure her that they do not want anything to mar her special day. And, point out, that her insisting on this, could possibly do that.

If after this discussion with her parents, she still insists on this, then she needs a good friend of hers to intervene and explain to her that she is being unreasonable in her request and to get over it.

Under no circumstances should you or the ex's boyfriend have a discussion with her. It will only create an atmosphere of animosity from her that neither of you needs and will create tension on the wedding day. This must come from her parents or a trusted friend or third party.

But, if there is no problem with anyone involved, then as I stated earlier, it is not improper for divorced couples to dance with each other. It is considered a sweet gesture, burying their personal problems with each other for the sake of their daughter.

I hope this helps.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 20, 2007, 08:02 AM

I would like to emphasize this in Ruby's most excellent answer. Etiquette is one thing, personal desire concerning other poeple's behaviors is yet another. For a really happy day, sometimes its best to relax a bit on both actually?

RubyPitbull · Feb 20, 2007, 08:32 AM

Val, I need to spread the love. Good point made.

Lisa, I wasn't sure if you were looking for the short answer, or if there was something more behind your asking the question, which is why I was so long winded.

The short answer is yes, it is proper etiquette.

And, if two people (including their significant others) can manage to bury the hatchet for one day and not harbor ill feelings afterward, it is a nice and thoughtful thing to do for the bride's special day.