[chezderve]

Hi everyone.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Our relationship has been everything but stable. We fell in love so fast and so much that given our problems in the past we have held on and pushed through them. To start, when I started seeing her, she was living with her EX. We started seeing each other (Not sleeping, or anything sexual) and I tried to cut ties with her because I felt insanely guilty. He would call and she would pick up, and she would lie through her teeth. (In retrospect... I should have known that if she was willing to do that to him, she would do the same to me.) She told me everything about her past... Everything. She has not been a good girl to any of the numerous BFs she's had. She had basically told me horror stories of what she has done, even to her most recent ex that freaked me out and made me want to puke.

But none the less, I still went for it. The way she said she felt about me, compared to everyone else was "so different". Now there is WAY more to this story. Including me finding out her having sex with her ex in the very beginning of our relationship, as well as us breaking up because she has an anger problem, as well as what she did to me. (I didn't find out about the sex with the ex until we were back together) She basically treated me like garbage the first 3 months we were together. She had no regard for my wishes, she continuted to live in her ex's house, sleep in the same bed, yet I took her on a 1 week vaycay to FL. She would fight with me, even from day 1 asking why I didn't want to marry her. Telling me "well my ex-bf was ready to marry me, no I'm so much more in love with you, why can't you?" and would make me feel like a pile of ****.

On top of all that, she had major MAJOR trust issues with me. Insane right? I have never cheated in my life, and the thought of it... Makes me want to murder someone who does. I think its horrible. That's honestly probably what has a lot to do with my slight resentment towards her. Which I know is wrong... If she is faithful to me and treats me right.. And all that.. Then I have no right to judge her at all. But I can't help it when can get angry at me for anything I do.. But the minute I call her out on doing something... She blows a gasket and I apparently "dont understand her and never well. And its ridiculous how I don't know her by now". (not every case but many cases, and yes, I have ****ed up and done things to hurt her or not completely emotionally understand. But NOTHING compared to finding she **** she did to me)
Such as: Texting ex bf's, flirting, etc.

So to the point. I had lost trust in her a while back because when we first got together, I found texts in her phone to another guy asking him to dinner, along with a picture of her sent to him (somewhat sexual, not naked)
Also, later in the relationship, I found her texting her ex-bf which I have been hysterical over because she has torn to me to pieces. I have found so many text to him asking him if he still loves her. Well, regardless, my trust faded away and built back up. (Now just FYI I NEVER was about checking phone convo's etc, but she started that **** WAY back because of her trust issues. I started doing it because I caught a FB message that she left on my comp to her ex saying she wanted to hang out.)

Now... The issues in our relationship have nothing to do with trust... They are way worse then that. Stemming from the break up. Basically a ton of other ****.

We have tried so hard. SO DAMN HARD to be happy with one another. I LOVE THIS GIRL so much. But sometimes I wonder why. I wonder why I love her. She has so many issues with anger that I bite my tongue with.
She has a very hard time with selfishness and hypocriticalness. She basically can do things and if I call her out on it... Even if I try to sit her down and approach her with just telling her my feelings... She is so volatile... she'll freak out. I think its honestly has to do with the fact that she can't be told she's wrong. (YET OTHER TIMES... SHE IS SOO NICE AND GREAT AND APOLOGIZES AND MAKES ME FEEL GREAT! So I don't get that)

So now that you know the gist... Just the gist... Of what my situation is. (now granted I'm not perfect either.. But I have never cheated on her... Treated her with disrespect... gone to a stripclub or do any of those dirty ****ed up things a lot of guys do. The worst I've done is flip out on her when I've gotten fed up with her anger and let out my anger on her. Tell her that she's a ***** and a hypocrite and doesn't deserve me. Etc. Etc.)

Today... She went with her good friend for a "ride". Now she asked me last night if she could go because we originally planned on being together and I liked that because it showed she cared. But she really wanted to go because her friend needed her. Now I am all for this. I was like absolutely... I'm all about getting with friends and stuff. So that wasn't the issue at all.

Now this is where it got F'd up. They drove me in the morning to get my car at my parents house. On the ride I was like "where u guys headed?" They were like ____________(town 2hrs away) I was like woah, haha why there. They were like oh there's an farm animal sanctuary there and we want to just drive and talk about life and see the animals. It seemed kind of like a joke but w/e doesn't matter where they are or where they go.. I got NP with it. No problem... Cool... Girls day out. I'm totallly cool with that. So they leave. I text he about 1 hr later asking where their headed she was like were going to ________(town) I was like oh OK cool. 1/2 hrs go by. I ask her if she made it there safe and what not.. She says yep were here. Then I called her to ask her about our apt key quick and she was like yea were just driving around here... Down back roads... And just enjoying all the artwork here. Her friend got on and was like yea all the artwork is so cool here and I just looove artwork. I'm not like artsyfartsy but I love artwork and there was this weird house with like stuff all over it it was cool.


... Now... I'm like. Ok. This is a bit sketchy. So I realized I can see where she really is by using find my iPhone. (now granted this is beyond sketchy... But I wanted to do this once... In pure hope I NEVER had anything to fear any more.) Well sure enough.. They were way farther away from that town. In fact they were on the thruway going somewhere completely different. It was in that general direction, but not there at all. So I asked again while I was checking... "so uour in _______ or are you like headed towards another town?" and they were like "no were in __________."

Caught in a straight lie. They mentioned they might be going to the city to go to macy's but they weren't sure. Then later on she said she decided on macy's.

Now this all probably sounds retarted and crazy. But knowing my GF. She never lies. (at least so I think) but she is usually a completely straight shooter. But knowing her past and how much she has lied... She always had a motive of somesort. Usually because she was sleeping with another guy behind her BF's back. I don't want to think that. At all. I truly believe she absolutely wasn't trying to do that. But... What was it then? My only conclusion is her friend needed to do something that she didn't want anyone but my GF to know. I get it.

But why lie to me. Especially when she is always checking up on me about times to places... Like... How did u get there so fast? (with a very suspicious tone) or (why did it take u so long for this?)

Why would she lie when all she had to say was. Hey... Look my friend really needs me right now. I'm headed to NYC and we just want to hang out and have fun. She doesn't have to tell me what it is... Or what she had to do especially if it was private to her and her friend. But she wasn't even at macy's. At all. In fact she was 30 blocks from macys.

What do I do? She is continuing with the lie... But I don't really know if I can completely trust her. I am because I have been betrayed by her so many times that my emotions are too ****ed up to even deal with going through the motions. I just want to believe the best. I am scared to though. Scared to have her do **** behind my back. I really think that she is in so much love with me and wouldn't do that. But why did she do this?

Plus... I can't even approach her with it. Not because of me spying on her. Even if I found out in a non-spying way... Like a friend drove past her and saw her and called me right after I called her and she told me she was in another town (hypothetically) But because she will flip out on me and tell me she sick of the roller coaster.

What do I do I'm dying inside.

[Alty]

This really depends on what you're willing to accept. Was it a huge lie? No. But considering all the other stuff I have to wonder why you're still with her.

Are you hoping she'll change? Because I can tell you right now that she won't. Who she is now is what you're getting. If you can accept who she is now, warts and all, then stay in the relationship and work around it. But if, like you've said in your post, you can't take it anymore, then you only have one option.

She won't change. You can't change her. If you can't live with who she is, then you really have to move on.

[talaniman]

All this after a only a year? Dude you never should have hooked up with someone who was LIVING with an ex(?). She was looking for a way out and then here you come and not only were you dumb enough to go along with her program, you were dumb enough to stay.

So stop blaming her for her treating you like crap, blame yourself for allowing it, and NOT running from it. Acknowledge your part in this unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship, and ask yourself why the freak are you still there.

Me, I would have disappeared a long time ago! Why haven't you? No wonder your confusion, and misery continue. RUN dude before you are damaged even more.

[Cat1864]

I agree with what Tal and Alty have said. I just have one thing to add: Do you like the person you are turning into?

From what I was reading, you are now behaving in ways you never would have before you became involved with this person. That isn't good for you and how you feel about yourself especially in the long term. How much more of your own integrity and self respect are you willing to give up to stay with her?

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds like you are not happy, you know the relationship is not right and not working but you seem to need someone to tell you to leave?

[mmresd]

Read what you just wrote. Does it sound like this is something you really want in your life. Have some self respect and stop letting someone manipulate you and play you. It is time to move on.