[spike134]

Hi Everyone. Here is my story.

I'm 33 the girl is 31... I have a close group of friends most of them are in relationships with each other and have met in various places 2 of them are brother and sister which is why we have a close group of girls and guys.

So my mates sister is good friends with me and I know her friends who spend time with us, over the years I've always been a bit of a player and hit on her friends in a funny way just always giving them comments that they are looking good and so fourth but that was all. Time went on and I found myself telling her single friend who I always had a bit of a joke with that we would make a good couple and she should give me her number and I'll take her for dinner. She gave me the number and I gave her a cheeky text later and she said you're so funny.

Few weeks went on and we weren't in contact then I saw her at a friends b-day when she turned up and the night went on we shared a few drinks and so fourth then at the end of the night we left. I said hey you can head back to my place I'll give you a ride home tomorrow she said OK! I was really surprised anyway didn't complain.

We went back to my house and ended up sleeping together for the first time was so HOT! When I dropped her off in the morning she just got out said bye and left. I wasn't sure what was happening after this although she said we will keep this by the way us right. I said yes. Few weeks went on and we were in contact with each other just texting back and fourth we then all had a day out and we were kind of close. I messaged her that night and said we might need to catch up for another dinner... She replied with hey the other night was a great night but I don't want this to be a regular thing as we have a close group of friends and I don't want to ruin the friendships. So I let it go and didn't said yeah that's OK.

Then a week later we were all out again and she texts me that night 3am on her way home saying you want me to take you home? I didn't reply. Next day she message me saying we might need to go for that dinner and complicate things! So stupid me goes OK.

From then on for the next 2 months she was inviting me over and cooking dinner we were watching movies and sleeping together. I believed it was leading somewhere as she was sending me texts saying 'I actually miss you, its weird but I like spending time with you".

Then she had a trip which she went overseas she returned one month later, I text her to catch up she replied hey our nights together were fun but I'm seeing a nice guy at the moment. I couldn't believe it thought she met someone over seas. Then she tells me I met a guy just before I went away and its continued and progressed into something romantic, she said I do like you and we get along really well.

Now I was totally confused why would she be inviting me over for dinner so often? Spending time together? Texting like she was? Even when she was out always texting me organizing to catch up! She then said hopefully you can meet him when we are out one night.Then I saw her out one night 3 weeks later and she introduces me like its nothing and then stands right next to me and tries to be all friendly and it seemed flirty. I was so mad! And angry someone who was a close friend of mine would do this after 2 months if I did it to her she would been fuming. That night I sent her a text saying I need to talk to you when your free. She wrote back the next day saying 'I can't believe it took me so long to realize what I did last night I hurt you and then just waved it in front of your face I'm truly sorry for that. I thought we could all be friends and live happily ever after"

Now I'm angry I feel I should have asked her what was going on with us after a month I know she was desperate for a relationship as she was getting older, I know she liked me and liked spending time together, we were very compatible then this guy just met her and said relationship and she is like yes. I should have asked not just let it slide!

I'm so unhappy with myself feels like I missed a major opportunity here was I too slow I don't know what I didn't ask now she told me we weren't actually in an official relationship. I knew I should have asked her to be in it but it was going so well I didn't think this was going to happen I didn't realize she was out meeting this guy at a party, though we were seeing each other.

So confused. I'm dying now its been one month and I can't move on I always think about why I didn't ask her to be official she's old enough to want to settle down and that's what her friends had said in the past that she wanted. I've sent some texts saying I took you for dinner and why were you inviting me over for dinners and stuff if you didn't want anything she doesn't really answer. What can I do? Now its like I need to wait for this relationship to end so I can give it another go... I think the damage is done already, it all seemed so right I can't believe I didn't ask for the relationship to be official.. Dying inside now! Having trouble eating and sleeping and its been a month!

[mmresd]

It seems like she just wants to have fun. She had her fun with you, and now she is trying something else. By what you wrote, it seems like she was telling you this all along, you just didn't seem to catch her clues. It is time to keep moving, there will be other females in your life, make sure that if you start feeling something for someone, that you let it be known so that you don't get let on for such a long time.

[spike134]

Thanks mmresd.

Wat confused me the most is her friends who are my friends said she is looking for a relationship as she was 30 years old and wants to settle down. I became confussed when she hasn't had a boyfriend for 2 years and they were saying she is wanting one and then I started seeing her and she seemed to become really close. She was ignitiating the dinners and me to come over and see her and for us to go for dinner. Than Bang!! She met this guy and he said do you want a relationship and she goes YES that's what I want!

Well now she's been in a relationship 3 weeks, she tried to introduce me to the guy I couldn't believe iut when we were all out.

Does anyone think I should contact her and say we need to chat. We were good friends and got along well, I would just like to know what was going on by the way us and why she suddenly through everything away after we were on for 2 months?? Was she waiting for me to ask her to be in a relationship? Did she only want fun and if that's the case why with me she already said at the start didn't want to complicate things, then she changed her mind. Im really mad we were friends and had a close group of friends.

Im also a bit confussed because she has jumped into this relationship and now already met his parents and everythiung and she is going to her friends wedding in Germany and she said they are going together.

Can't believe all she writes on facbook is my new GUY and my man , our friends can't believe how she has wrote all this stuff and is suddenly all into a relationship when she was already on with me for 2 months. Im so mad I didn't ask her for the relationship as that's what she must have wanted!!

[talaniman]

Let it go guy as when there is just dinner, sex, and no commitment, or agreement, then you both are free to do as you please.

Its your assuming that got you sprung, so now leave it be, and explore other things, and stop regretting, and obsessing. The opinion of friends means nothingat all. No you didn't get used or played, you just went along with the program, enjoyed it, and now its over. Accept it, and go back to doing your thing.

[Somebody1234]

I don't think you should contact her. From what it sounds like, she wants something serious but with someone else. Maybe at the time she did want something more with you, but then this new guy came into the picture, and she thought he would be better for her. Its too foggy to really tell what she was out for, but it sounds like she's moved on, and is off with this other guy.

It might be upsetting to you now, but in time you'll probably realize why it was best that nothing became of you and her. Don't worry about it. And don't starve yourself over someone who couldn't see what she had right in front of her. Sadly, things like this happen all the time to many people. I think letting go of her would probably be the best thing you could do for yourself. Its normal to think of what might've gone wrong. And for whatever reason that might be, if it wasn't meant, you can't fight that. It would be a waste of your time. She just reopened a slot for someone better. Someone else will come along. You'll find someone better for you. Don't worry. And best wishes!

[mckenzie134]

Im confused how to act around her now. She obviously knows I was really keen on her now! I used to be very flirty with her and always give her compliments when we saw each other out at bdays and so fourth. Now I'm wondering how can I act or speak to her knowing what she did. She no doubt knows exactly what she did and what has happened. Im not sure if I can be flirty anymore I'm not sure what I can do.

[talaniman]

Hello mac, are you spike 134?

[Somebody1234]

Don't be flirty anymore. Just act nonchalantly. If you can, don't talk with her all that much anymore, or not at all rather. But if you find that you're in a position where you need or must talk with her in order to not be rude, just talk to her the way you would talk to anyone else. But don't flirt. Talk to her the way you would speak to anyone that you're really not interested in.

You want her to know that she really did hurt you, and that she can't act like that was nothing. She hurt you! So you can't be flirty with her anymore. You have to show her that what she did isn't going to fly. Don't flirt. Show a little distance. A little of the cold shoulder.

I read your story over again, and now I'm thinking; how could she have not realized that she hurt you by waving that other guy around?! I mean, come on... 'I can't believe it took me so long to realize what I did last night I hurt you and then just waved it in front of your face I'm truly sorry for that. I thought we could all be friends and live happily ever after" What? I mean, Hellllloooo, it doesn't take a genius to realize that. I don't want you to be offended by this, but she sounds kind of like a bonehead for doing that, and saying something stupid like that after. Between that and the updating on her Facebook of her and that other dude... please! Man, this girl just isn't right. I understand she apologized, but I don't know. It just doesn't sound right to me. Something tells me you can do better.

[spike134]

Yes Talimam it is Mac, I have found my old account which I was here before. Its once again a dark time. For I knew what I should have done but haven't done it at all. As I said this girl who was a close frind has done this and put me in a bad place and a tough situation.

Somebody 1234 I understamd what your saying and yes she has seemed to do the wrong thing by me and who would be thinking straight if they thought id be fine with meeting him after what she had done. It was really like she wasn't thinking at all that I would be affected like the 2 months meant nothing although she already wrote "I dont want you to think our time together meant nothing cause it did, I like you and we get along real well"

I felt like saying oh yeah you really like me that's why you just got onto this guy. She didn't even give things a thought. Amazingly since I know her this confused me more she hadn't had a boyfriend fotr 2 years and then BANG she can do this. That's the annoying bit, the minute I'm ontro her she musta all of a sudden thought wow I'm doing good here and I'm still angry she cam just dismiss me like that and sasct like it was nothing.

Before she went away for a month she apparently met him and he bought her a necklace oh she couldn't tell me before she left somethingh was going on had to wait for a month till she got back to tell me.

I questioned hetr and she wouldn't reply I'm guessing she knows now GEEZ he knows why didn't I say something. Its coming out now as we have close friends she knows I'm finding out

[talaniman]

Dismiss her guy, and let the dust settle on your anger. Don't say can't, because you well know its done all the time. So avoid further misery, from dissapointment, heal, and do better.

You already know how it goes, so just do it.

[Somebody1234]

I really feel for you. :( I'm sorry. People that do things like that really suck! That's why I think you should really leave her behind. There's no doubt you're still upset right now, so it might be a while until you walk on, but honestly I could see how the confusion is making things harder for you to move on too. You're just trying to wrap your head around all this nonsense. It doesn't seem to make sense.

It almost sounds as though this guy literally snatched her away from you. But you're right. If she really felt the way she claimed to feel about you, she wouldn't have run off with him. She's just not serious. You sound like a really nice guy. You deserve better, and I think that once you move on from this you'll look back with a clear mind, and realize that maybe their was some sort of misunderstanding the whole time. Maybe she was actually out for a fun time with you. Oh man, I wish I knew what to tell you. That girl just sounds hot and cold. She doesn't seem straight forward about all this. It really is a mess. Just wasn't meant to be. You're going to find someone better for you. Not some girl that just runs off with another guy.

Take the time you need to cry out any miserable feelings you have within you, but take your pride and go. Walk on. You don't need someone like that. There's so many other girls out there that wouldn't do that. Right now your just in this fog probably thinking that girl is the one or something. But she really did you wrong. And any girl that loves somebody wouldn't just drop him for some other guy who she just meets. He smiles and buys her a necklace, and she falls for him? Its terrible. You need someone who knows what and who she wants. You'll find her in time. Don't worry, man. Good luck!

[mckenzie134]

Hey, Taliman what did you mean its done all the time??

I know what I should be doing moving on and letting it go.

Its very tuff considering I know I see this girl whenever I'm with friends as we have a close group of friends. What I'm still mad at is she sent stupid messages while we are together always asking how I am and what I'm up too and when she was at a friends birthday and I couldn't make it she was msging saying hay our friend adam has a new girlfriend I think she will be roundour group for a while. She was so msging me like we were a couple.

Since I've found all this out I now need some help on knowing that my friends in the group have questioned me and said we thought you 2 were on together. I have since told them what happened I don't know if this was a good idea they haven't and won't say anything to her. My problem was that why should I have to keep things hidden and quiet from my friends. Im not sure if I did the right thing or not but did I need to keep lying to my friends who asked what was going on with the 2 of us. They got suspiciuous when she got a new guy and only 2 of the 8 person group got invited to her birthday as she invited her new guy and his mate and another couple who introduced her to him.

She has pretty much pulled away from the group as I believe she knows exactly what she did in this situation.

I just need to know if I've dione the right thing should I have stayed quiet.

[talaniman]

I just believe in leaving personal business quiet between two people. Its nobody else's business, and a simple it didn't work has been a standard response to questions from friends.

Still let it go!

[mckenzie134]

Its easy to say let it go and I wish it was that easy tali.

I have been feeling down before but once again this has happened to me in a totally different situation this time. It does get to you after a while. Its OK for people to say there's someone else round the corner. Easier said than done.

I was in similar position 5 years ago its taken that long to I once again found someone I cared for, this time it seems I was maybe taken for a ride. Although I am putting it down to the fact that this girl did care she couldn't have been so cariung and wanting to spend time together if she didn't but obviously met someone who took more of her attention and then just dismissed me.

Its easy for me to say well ill go NC and just forget her but when I constantly go out with friends and see her its not that easy,\. Well rreally why would I want to have a friend who treats someone in the way she treated me.

Like you say there was no Commitment so nothing untoward actually took place but if you are taking her out for dinner spending a lot of time together am I wrong to believe you shouldn't be looking for another person at the same time. Especially as she said to me I want to complicate things with you now and she was the anitiator in this.

I think I have every right to question her on why she would want to for one ruin what we had and at the same time ruin our friendships... There were heaps of guys she could have chooked up with so why me.. As she had said to me previously I don't want to make this regular as it could ruin our friendship. Then she decided we can complicate things.

Well that's just making me question why she would do such a thiung

[talaniman]

You sure are making this harder on yourself because you just cannot believe you gave your heart to the wrong person. No you have no rights to keep torturing yourself over a mistake such as this as we all make the same mistake, and get hurt just as you have.

So it may not be easy to leave her alone and chalk this up as an experience and move on. But that's what you have to do instead of dragging this through the mud forever, and hurting yourself over again.

But if you want to find this out the hard way, go ahead.

You are only delaying the healing process for yourself, by not accepting she wasn't/isn't a true friend. She was a selfish user, and that's what users do, USE! Now you know, leave her alone and return to your life without her.