I must agree with wonderkid's comments, impressed by one of your posts, I was led here.
Your feelings are you feelings: don't resent the grieving, accept it: it is natural.
Suffering is unfortunately an experience that deveops us as human beings: it's very hard to imagine how a friend, who had never suffered, could help us through difficult times. You have shown remarkable insight and understanding of human emotion for someone so young. I am sure your understanding has deepened through your suffering and has helped (and will help) other people throughout your life.
Sometimes it is helpful to label our emotions in order to step outside of them, especially negative emotions: observe ourself - that we are, for example, being angry. But also of course we need to accept them at times, they emerge for a reason, but naturally not be a slave to them. You are clearly an insightful, thoughtful and sensitive person but your character is still maturing and perhaps these unexplained, to you, tearful outbursts may just be a symptom in the development of that person's, I suspect, complex emotions.
Your have suffered a lot, your emotions are trying to develop and mature as you are becoming adult in addition they are trying to resolve the suffering uncertainty you have experienced: they have had a lot of work to do. Try not to worry about them too much or judge them - I know you would look sympathetically and with understanding if this were someone else's shoes.
I am merely someone with an opinion, I am not professional, so please bear that in mind.
Good luck and I am quite sure those who share their lives with you will be very fortunate.
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