[imissher]

Im hurting like crazy because she said it was over. She ended it and doesn't want to see me for good. She never promised to come back(I didn't even get a goodbye!). But a good part of me feels like she wants to come back(shes just stubborn, I want her to come back on her own), my mind tells me she won't, my heart tells me she will.

Yes, I am waiting, because I want her back. But my main focus is sticking up for myself for once... not contacting her. But I just can't get her out of my head, and it feels so impossible to not want her back. Lol, the title of the post says: I want her back, but how?

Thnks tal..

[talaniman]

Don't feel bad about being confused in the least, you may as well join the party because we all have been where you sit and guess what? There are many new members to the club every day. I was only trying to show you how all over the place you are right now and will wait for the decision that you make. Are you ready or not?

[lil_pea07]

Ill try keeping this short so its easy to understand:

My girlfriend and i have been together for 2-3 yrs. We are both 19 yrs old. Everything was nothing short of perfect until the last couple of months. During the "perfect" period, we had healthy relationship problems, arguements, and we would always work things out.

But lately, she had wanted to leave. I have counted a LOT of times where i had to literally beg on my knees for her to stay. And everytime i would better myself and fix the problem. I would give her everything she wanted... gifts, flowers, cards and letters, patience, devotion, my love and commitment. It wasnt enough... she would then want to keep leaving, until finally she did. I was devasted because i had given EVERYTHING i had...i tried my best to make it work and make it happy even when i was dying inside. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning to ask for more. I love her, and she says she loves me all the time, she also says there is no one else (i am 100% sure about this).

We had planned our future together(i know were younge but still...), the kind cars, houses, kids and all that. It just kills me to look back at all the letters and pictures we had together.

I have given her "space" before, and it worked, but this time it feels like she can actually leave me for good. She had wanted to leave for a long time, the only reason why she didnt, is because i promised to be better and really REALLY begged for her to stay.

As for myself, i think im too jealous and insecure, i would always call her and stay by her side literally everyday. I think i smothered her too much to the point where shes just sick of me.

Why would she want to leave?:( What can i do to get her back? Is there even a chance?

She left me coz she said she wasnt happy to be with me, she said i made her sad, she says she didnt want "me" anymore, but i know deep in my heart that she loves me.

Help :(
its eating me alive....

I'll make this short and sweet... well maybe not so sweet to say. In my opinion, I think you should move on. You are better off. The more you take her back the more heartache you are setting yourself up for. I, too, was in a situation where I kept trying to be with someone who said they did not want me anymore. I was hurt so bad. I let the pain get to me and I totally went crazy and tried killing myself. Now, I'm not applying that this will happen to anyone else, that's just what happened to me. The saying that says pain can kill you is in deed true in some cases. Luckily, I came to my senses and didn't do it. I moved on with my life and that guy came back. He would tell me that he still loved me and all that. But when he realized that I wasn't going to let him hurt me anymore he left me alone. I am now with someone else, going on a year. I'm engaged and 100 percent happy. It's quite amazing how a whole lot of pain can lead to happiness. Try it. See what happens. "Follow your heart and be true to yourself!" Good luck and best wishes! :)

[chuff]

Chuff, i couldn't agree more. But are you guys saying that its completely over? Because my ex is the type of girl to stay at home after a break up... and feel guilty about the things she did. She would usually make irrational decisions, and take it back later. (Usually when she takes me back, i have something to do with it.) This time i want her to come back on her own.

Let it go. Read your posts as though I wrote them. What would you say to me? Your so far gone. You've already admitted you have nothing to give. You're in complete denial here. Let it go and find out who you are. Because you have no idea. And she cannot answer that for you. Only you can answer that.

I know deep down inside, that she still has some feelings for me, even though its little LITTLE feeling.

No you don’t. You have no idea what she’s feeling. You can only speak for you. You can never speak for her even if she tells you she feels something.

The problem is, she is a strong girl that doesnt admit to be wrong, and im worried that she wont call in the next couple of days because she is very stubborn. I know pretty much for sure that she IS hurting without me there.

You are the one hurting. You have no idea what she’s doing.

Do stubborn girls actually HAVE feelings and miss their ex's after leaving them? And if they do.... will they EVER admit their wrong and call you back?

Thnks in advance.

Who are you? Do you know? You have no identity outside of her.

I think you need to let her go and slowly determine who you are and what you want out of life. Then you can worry about tackling dating someone.

[imissher]

Hey, any advice would be great:

Me and my gilrfriend of 2.5 yrs broke up a couple of days ago. I heard and learnt about the No contact method (and yes, I know its suppose to be for SELF healing and all that.. but I WANT her back.)

To sum it all up, here was my post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...how-63990.html

Ive been in no-contact for 3 days now. Im dying inside. I haven't contacted in ANY way. I have packed all her stuff, worked out, played b-ball, took walks but it still kills. For some stupid reason I know she still misses me(even though everybody here is saying she doesnt:( ), I know because that's how she is I guess. And i know shes trying her hardest to get over me.

But why hasent she called? She's really, really stubborn and never admits that she's wrong. She's used to me calling her all the time and asking for her. I just want a second chance.. and I want to know if other girls out there do the same thing to their guys. I know I'm being impatient and I should wait longer, but I hear that everybodys ex's at least call back after a couple of days of NC. All my stuff is still at her house, and hers at mine, I have no idea why she hasn't called to take it.

Can she actually hold this up?? Or we she eventually break and call me... Even if its once to say goodbye, even if its just ONCE so i can show her im ok without her.

I want that one call, so I can show her I'm OK and that I don't need her anymore, even if I plan NOT to pick up.

I want to make it clear that I am not waiting for her, I'm keeping myself occupied.. but now and then, I think about it. I know my heads messed up and confused but my heart can't take it anymore.

Thnks in advance, help

[LBP]

My ex never called me nor do I expect her to do so at any point in the future. You should adopt a similar belief.

[ForeverZero]

You're panicking right now. It's been three days and you don't know what the hell to do with yourself. 3 days is not no contact. No contact should last in incriments of months. These will be the hardest days, but try your hardest not to trick yourself into believing her life is fine without you. You're not talking to her and you're panicking, try to imagine what's going on her end of the deal. You have to mirror it back. If her not talking to you is making you this crazy, try to imagine what you not talking to her is doing to her. Don't assume her life is dandy without you.

[imissher]

Isn't hope gone after weeks, let alone months? I know I'm impatient and I know I'm panic'ing right now but it seems reasonable that a week should do. Should it?

If she really cares shed call back... but how long will she continue to care?

[Teaching]

Give it some time, time will also give you perspective on things. Eventually people who are stubborn do realize... in my experience.

[Allheart]

Oh Imissher, I have read you other post as well.

You really have to make the most of this time to work on you. You are throwing your whole self into this girl and losing who you are in the process.

Take advantage of this time to get stronger. To be more self-assured. That having someone in your life is a part of your life but not your WHOLE life. Does that make sense? Meaning, learn how to breath for yourself. Learn how to be yourself.

If she were to call you today, would you be ready? Are you stronger? Are you more self confident because you know who you are?

If the two of you were to get back together, what has changed? What would prevent her from doing this again?

You are doing very good at keeping yourself busy. You did a GREAT thing today, by coming here and venting, instead of weaking yourself, delaying your healing and contacting her.

Just to be sure you understand, and I know it's been said here earlier, but no contact is for you to heal, to take better care of yourself than you have been.

Stop the presses, and start putting all that energy into yourself. I bet you will be amazed at the person you find. I honestly and truly mean that.

[NeedKarma]

She's not stubborn - she just doesn't like to play games. Probably has good self-esteem.

[Wildcat21]

No contact is never to get them back ever. They might come back. But it's also to show thme ohyur strong. Independent - not needy. Can have a great life without them.

You put too much importancde into her. Pedestal,

They are part of your life - not your life.

She hasn't called because you did something to push her away. Far away. I suspect being too avaialable, needy - you osund like it.

[Wildcat21]

I almost want to throw up reading aqbout this guy. It's gross.

Dude - LEARN to ne a MAN!! Not a door mat. Women don't want any of that CRAP!!

". I have counted a LOT of times where i had to literally beg on my knees for her to stay. And everytime i would better myself and fix the problem. I would give her everything she wanted... gifts, flowers, cards and letters, patience, devotion, my love and commitment. It wasnt enough."

That really wants to make me throw up. No owmen wants begging and mush!! Yuck!!

Gifts?? Few and very far between.

You are what we call a WUSSY.

Learn about this.

Learn to become a MAN!!

Go to these sites and read every article. Educate yourself. You've made every mistake in the book.

AskMen.com - Free Men's Online Magazine (read every article on relationships and dating!! )

SoSuave.com - The Don Juan Center - Learn the Secrets of Meeting, Dating, and Attracting Women! - every article

Love Tactics - Love Tactics Home - great insite to REAL adult realtionships.

Dating Tips - Secrets To Attracting and Meeting Women - this is NOT to become a player but to LEARN what REALLY attracts women - wha twomen REALLY want!!

You need to educate yourself today - and feel better tomrrow.

FOR GET THIS GAL FORE NOW!! 3 MONTHS - NO CONTACT - I KNOW OYU Won't DO IT... BUT YOU MUST. DON'T BE A WUSSY.

And I am doing this for oyur own good - time to grow up.

[imissher]

She's not stubborn - she just doesn't like to play games. Probably has good self-esteem.

Lol.. she has low self-esteem. And as far as I know.. all girls have low self-esteem and think that their all fat. She just has a lot of confidence and self esteem OVER me in this situation.

Yes wildcat.. I am needy and insecure, weak, and I know that NC isn't suppose to bring them back (I have heard that a thousand times), BUT and I say "BUT" so many times, I need to show her that I am OK without her, and for her to realize how different life is without me. And hopefully, I will get a call from the no-contact treatment, so that I can show her that I'm not needy anymore. The pain is going away slowly, but I get times at which it is unbearable. And are you saying that if I make myself unavailable, that she would call me?

Don't mistake it, I do want her back, if it doesn't happen then so be it. But I want to try, after all, I spent 2.5 yrs of my life doing so.

And lol... on an unrelated side note, that was my favourite jordan commercial wildcat, sick quote eh? And yeah... jordan ROBBBBED dwight howard on that sticker dunk... man!

[drop]

Check out this thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ons-64459.html

And read Val's post about the stages leading to acceptance, from "shock" via "denial", "depression" and "bargaining" toward "acceptance" (my personal favorate "acceptance cocktail" is lotsa bargaining with a healthy dose of denial and a splash of anger, but your mileage may vary... ). The bit about transitions was the sort of thing that helped me out when I've had to get over the loss of love because it gave me a framework to understand how to deal with things.

If you like old movies, you can hear and visualize about these stages in "All That Jazz":

All That Jazz (1979)

(the lead's path to acceptance takes up most of the last 1/2 of the movie and it starts with a standup comedian talking about death... ).

Right now, you sound like you're in "shock". Where you need to be heading is toward acceptance of the way things are and they sure sound like you are separate from her.

Good luck!

[imissher]

Hey cat,

It was a MISTAKE to do that I know... and I didn't realize how far I pushed her off by doing that. I didn't realize it was a bad thing. Yes I was a wussy, but you have to understand that I wouldve been smelly,retarded, or smelly+retarded+wussy, to be with this girl. And feelings are amplified during the break up that makes you do stupid crap. Now I realize different.

I am trying believe me, I mite be a wuss to her, but not to the world, make no mistake.

[LBP]

WHO CARES WHAT SHE THINKS? It's not no contact treatment - it's not like you're giving her the silent treatment or anything vaguely resembling that! It's No Contact!

<slams head against wall> Dude! She doesn't like you and she doesn't want you! She WILL NOT CALL. NOT. Your ego is working in full overdrive right now, coming up with reasons for why this is all going to turn up roses for you. It won't. And more importantly, it doesn't matter. 2.5 years... Fantastic! What does it mean in the long run? Very little. Did you really expect to spend the rest of your life with this girl? Out of high school right up until you died?

Be rational. This is a part of life. She left - it's over. If she hadn't felt sorry for you then I bet it would have happened a lot sooner. In fact, I'm sure she told her closest friends again and again that she wanted to leave you but 'just couldn't because she didn't want to hurt you.' It stopped being about her a long, long time ago and started being all about YOU. First in your selfish domineering of the relationship and, now that she's gone, in working on figuring a way to improve yourself, from all this.

I'd lay even money (looking to bet, Wildcat?) that she's probably dated another man all ready. You all ready tried to get her back. It didn't work. Time to walk away.

[imissher]

Yeahh ill accept it when its over... right now is too early to give up. I want her back, at the same time I'm working on myself. Shock, yes, denial, yes, depression, close, and acceptance, I have already accepted that she left. I have nothing to lose by wanting her back and working on myself. If she doesn't, its her loss, but for now.. I need to show her that I'm not needy no more...

SO CALLL... lol.. for gods sake if you hear this.. CALL ME BABE.. lol.. I swear I'm going insane.

[LBP]

My friend, you haven't even begun... The fact that you want to show her that you're not needy... DOn't you see the contradiction?

Trust me, I empathize. I've been in the very same boat... But think about what you've been saying. Look at what you've written! You're desperate.

You need space. If she calls, it'd probably be best to not answer... You can always talk later, much later... When you're both more mature, more rational, and for goodness sake more calm.

[imissher]

LBP, I'm sure she hasn't seen anybody or her friends wouldve called me by now (her friends are close with me)... and to be perfectly honest, its weird but her friends asked her to stay with me... (dont ask me.. seriously). Most of the time she told her friends that she didn't want to leave because she'd lose me for good.

True, lately its all been about me. Now its about her, and I'm giving her time.


Just saying.

Yeahh I won't pick up.. it'll be hard.. but I won't.. promise u LBP lol.