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unsure_alert · Feb 18, 2007, 10:18 AM

Argh where should I begin?

... well I have been getting to know a lad for months and months (like 10 months) we get on really well, but as I have no experience of relationships or sex or anything I have been worried to take it further as he has a lot of experience. I am 18, he is 21, we both work together, he works in the shop full time, I am still at college so only work there part time and do 3 nights a week where I see him for 2 hours on all 3 occasions. We have never done anything, apart from hug so there is no dating going on. We text everyday though and have been doing throughout the past 10 months. After the first month or two, we had been the cinema with a load of others from work, and he touched my knee on the way home, but as I am the flirty type I just accepted it, but then later that night he invited me to the cinema just us two. I said no I couldn't because of too much from my behalf, he didn't really ask, but he didn't take it too well either and we didn't speak for about a week. Then after a week the texts started again and we carried on being flirty but then he asked me straight out if I liked him. I obviously did HELL YES A LOT but because I was scared and still didn't know him all that well I just said look its mates and that's how I want it to stay, he didn't take that well either, but he came round within the night (as this happened at work) and as you can probably guess the following day the texts started again, this time it went on and on and on until new years eve (his birthday) if I hadn't have been ill I think something would have happened that night but I didn't want to make him ill so nothing did. The texts continued, but then in jan he asked me again and this time when I said no he took it quite well, things changed but we stayed friends.
Anyway the past month he has been really flirty again and so have I, in the hope he will ask again and then I can say yes, as I'm too shy to say anything to him.

But the questions I have is, yes I know this all sounds very immature, but this is cut down so you can get the picture briefly its not quite been like that. So please do not tell me I'm being immature and silly as he has been flirting just as much. But recently he has started texting my best mate who is also from work. Her texts are nothing like mine they are just friendly ones whereas mine have meanings that only me and this lad understand, and the way he looks at me is VERY different to the way he looks at anyone else. But what does all this mean? Is he just trying to make me jealous? Or do you really think he is over me? But surely he can't be if he is still sending me these messages? Then I think to myself well what happens if I tell him I like him and he gives me a taste of my own medicine and tels me to get lost, then id feel awful as I really like him and always have done.

BASICALLY IM IN A MESS... PLEASE HELP!

limey34 · Feb 18, 2007, 03:26 PM

You seem to be sending him a lot of mixed messages. One day you are flirty and then when he asks if you like him for real, you tell him that no you just want to be mates instead. He is acting this way cause he isn't got a clue what you are up to. You have to be consistent in the way you act towards him. If you like him for real, then make it known in a clear way, and if not, then make THAT known as well. You can't continue to be "hot and cold" with him, he will eventually lose interest or come to dislike you with time. You need to figure out YOUR feelings towards him and then act accordingly. Good Luck, Hope this helps.

unsure_alert · Feb 18, 2007, 04:48 PM

thanks for your help, I knew that would be the case, its not rocket science I have truly messed him about but I do really like him and want to be with him, but then I'm just worried it might go wrong and ill loose him forever or even as a mate, or ill embarrass myself with lack of relationship knowledge. But now I don't know if he is still interested, I wouldn't blame him if he isn't, but some days he will text and be all flirty the next he won't. But that could just be a taste of my own medicien again. Will wait and see, I obviously can't ask him out can I haha I am a girl! =) thanks for your help really appreciated!

talaniman · Feb 19, 2007, 10:21 AM

You insist on just being friends, so what's the big deal about him having other friends. The only way to get experience is to know when your ready, and give it a shot. So what do you expect a young guy to do with the signals you send, since you have not communicated any feelings to him except friendship. HINT: In any relationship you set your boundaries of what you are comfortable with, and stick to them and go slow, and get to know the other person enough to build trust and honesty between you. Go on a few dates and have fun.