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anxipressed19 · Feb 20, 2012, 04:19 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Things have been going well, but after something happened on Thursday, he tells me he wants a break. He told me that when he didn't want to help me when I was having problems that day, he knew something was seriously wrong.

I saw him Saturday and he told me that he loves me and he cares about me, but he needs time to sort out his feelings and to be alone. He said that a break up might be on the table, but he needs time alone right now. And that's what scares me the most.

He said he loves me, and he's just needs time alone. He also said that he wants to see if I can be happy alone since my happiness depends a lot on him being around. I've been in the middle of serious clinical depression since I've been away from him and my mom at college, and I just want to be home and with them.

I'm freaking out, and after reading this site I've decided to try NC, but I'm very upset and scared. I texted him a bunch on Sunday and now that's it's Monday, I'm afraid that the texts in Sunday have pushed him away and NC might be too late.

I don't think he'll leave me but with break up on the table and many posts on this site telling me it could happen too, I'm really scared. He said he loves me, cares about me, and will text me a little during our break to make sure I'm okay.

Is he going to leave? Should I do NC? I'm really in need of help.

I should also add that before his decision for a break, I texted him and called him several times a day. I was somewhat clingy. He'd text if he could, but a lot of our text conversations were one sided because I'd text a few messages while he was at work or busy and he'd respond when he could.

ZoeMarie · Feb 20, 2012, 01:10 PM

If he is asking for a break, then start NC. It's hard at first. I know, I've recently dealt with that. Surround yourself with friends/family. You'll need a support system. Although it will be hard, try to have fun. Do things you like to do, maybe take up a new hobby or get back into one you haven't had time for. One thing you'll learn is that you don't NEED someone else to be happy, but once you're happy on your own, you're ready for a relationship, if that makes sense. Too often people do feel like they rely on a significant other for happiness.

mmresd · Feb 20, 2012, 01:40 PM

Treat this as a break up. He is asking for space, give him more than he can handle. Go no contact, and concentrate on your school work, there will be time for boyfriends and family later, you have to prioritize the important things in your life right now. Let him get away for as long as he needs, don't wait for him, if he comes back great, if he doesn't at least you started to heal today, and didn't wait bitting your nails until the time came. The desperation you are feeling now is temporary, let time pass by and don't forget to breathe.

talaniman · Feb 20, 2012, 06:34 PM

Not to be harsh but he is clearly telling you to get your own life that makes you happy, so you can stop scaring yourself, when everyone has their own life that makes them happy, and keeps them busy. You need friends, and that takes time so you can have something else to do besides text a guy who is at work.

Clingy? Try dependent! Its destroying your mental health.

anxipressed19 · Feb 20, 2012, 08:11 PM

I haven't texted him in almost 24 hours. I haven't called or seen him either. I've been keeping myself busy, when my thoughts stray to him I get slightly worried and try to get focused on something else. I moved out of my dorm today, which was a huge stress for both of us. I felt happier. I talked to my friend more, and even got an appointment with my doctor for my depression.

I'm going to continue NC, and think it will work... but I'm still concerned about if he'll want me back.

Part of me thinks he'll be glad that I listened and backed off and found happiness outside of him, while he spent time with family. The other part of me is preparing for bad news. I know he said he loves and cares for me, but my pessimism is getting the best of me.

Jimmy78 · Feb 20, 2012, 11:08 PM

Let me tell you from my experience, move on if someone tells you they need space then give them what they asked for.

mmresd · Feb 21, 2012, 12:24 AM

NC is for you to heal, not to get him back. He has very clearly stated he is done with this relationship. It is time to accept it and move on. You are giving him too much importance while to him you are expendable. If you stick around, this will turn into a very painful situation... To you.

Maria1323 · Oct 3, 2012, 10:16 AM

I am going through the SAME thing with my fiancé.. the thing is that we're LIVING together and are engaged.. yet he still wants a break..
I know he's been stressed at work, and there's a lot of other things involved (I know why he's being this way but he doesn't believe me) so my advice..
I refused to leave. We're adults. We've promised our lives to each other. Adults don't just give up and take a break when they're upset, they deal with it, discuss solutions, and figure out how to fix it, if it can be fixed.
I'm giving him his space, and acting like everything is fine. He's going through something right now emotionally, and guys handle their feelings differently than girls. Guys get embarrassed when they're sad, and don't know how to show it. So be his support system, that's what I'm doing. Be there for him, be loving, and sweet, and try to make him laugh, and suggest little date night or whatever to rekindle your feelings. He needs to figure things out, but that doesn't mean you can be there to show him you love him. If you break up later, than you do, but at least you tried and didn't give up.