[forksandspoons]

[odinn7]

Oh man... definitely sue her!

Seriously... what is your question? All you made was a statement but no question.

[forksandspoons]

Umm, it this showing up for anyone else? I hope you aren't seeing a blank page as well.

[forksandspoons]

My question, is what should I do? I really have no idea how to proceed and was looking for advice.

Am I crazy or is this a serious invasion of privacy?

[odinn7]

Well, first, how old are you?

Technically it is an invasion of privacy but there really is nothing you can do about it if you're living at home and are not a legal adult.

Should she have done this? Probably not. Can she? Sure.

I hate to say but my daughter has a FB account and I told her when she made it that she has to understand that I may, or probably will, check on it from time to time to make sure that she is safe and not doing anything wrong.

As parents, we sometimes do things that aren't popular with our kids, but we feel they need to be done for certain reasons.

[forksandspoons]

Ok, well the details did not show up for some reason. Let me post the back story here.

I am a 22 year old male. Yes I do live at home as I recently left school.

I was chasing my cat around the house today (her way of playing) when she led me into my parents room. She gave up and laid down. I picked her up, when I noticed what looked like a Facebook page printed out. It turned out she printed out 30 or so pages of PRIVATE conversations I have had dating back to 2010. The print date was exactly one week ago.

I once mentioned what I use as my online password for most accounts. I felt as if I could trust her with that knowledge. What she had printed out were private messages. Not things that show up publicly on a wall. I also have very tight restrictions set on my Facebook because I take my privacy online very important. Therefor, the only way she could have seen those messages is if she logged in herself.

What she had printed out, were conversations between me and some friends, reminiscing about some fun college times, doing fun stereotypical college things. Nothing very bad, but not the kind of things you want to share with your parents.

On one hand, I want to ignore this and hope it goes away. On the other, I feel like she has violated me, and has crossed the line. Yes I live in her house, but Facebook is out of her jurisdiction in my mind. I know there are many parents on this website, so I would love to hear their opinions. Because on the other hand, I want to destroy the pages she printed out, and confront her about it. I already changed my online passwords, but could use some more advice, because I really have no idea what to do.

[odinn7]

Ok, see, adding your age does make a difference here. Sorry, I assumed you were not a legal adult.

In this case, what she did was wrong. Was it illegal? I don't know and can't even guess at it but I doubt it was. You are 22 so she really had no business going through that and doing what she did.

In your case, I would confront her and ask her about it... at least get that out of the way. Grab the pages and get rid of them too if that makes you feel better.

Change your passwords and don't let her know the new ones. I know you said you changed them but I am just making a point of it.

[Curlyben]

This is most likely to do with your ill-advised "relationship" with a minor: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ld-606128.html

Bear in mind while living in your parents house THEIR rules prevail, no matter how old you are.
As you are an adult it is YOUR choice to be living there as you are no longer legally obliged to be there.

[forksandspoons]

I don't think it was illegal, even if it was I wouldn't pursue legal action.

Let me just state that my posts may be riddled with spelling and grammar errors, because I can't even think strait right now. This is disgusting, disturbing, and egregious.

We have had some mutual trust issues in the recent past. I know that she has been snooping around my room when I am not home. Do I like it? Of course not, but it is her house and I am not charged rent. Facebook is outside of her jurisdiction, especially PRIVATE conversations.

I do think I am going to take those pages. She has no right to have them.

[forksandspoons]

"Bear in mind while living in your parents house THEIR rules prevail, no matter how old you are.
As you are an adult it is YOUR choice to be living there as you are no longer legally obliged to be there."
I follow their rules. Do I occasionally forget something like taking out the trash? Yes, but I follow the rules the best any reasonable person could.

It is her house, but how can you possibly say Facebook is within her jurisdiction? Those were MY PRIVATE conversations between 2 adults in a PRIVATE medium.

[forksandspoons]

Oh, and as far as that "ill advised relationship with a minor" I put a stop to that. I was swept up with lots of confusing emotion. Ultimately, I decided against it. I told her it was wrong and cut of conversation with her. That is 100% irrelevant and I would prefer it not be brought up again. Thank you.

[jenniepepsi]

First, report this to Facebook and change your password.

It is not illigal.
However is is against Facebook terms of service.

Is it your computer? If so, put a lock password on it.

If it is your mothers computer, quit using it, and use a library computer or other public computer, or get your own.

I honestly do agree, your moms house, your moms rules.
But that does NOT apply to your privacy, nor does it apply online.

Protect yourself. And don't let this happen again.

[Fr_Chuck]

You live in their home, ( assume using their internet). An example if you worked for a large company and was on a company computer, they often have key stoke or site recorders and almost all have email systems that copy and save all email, So you have privacy when using your computer on your own system only.

But you gave them the password, so at that point it was permission to enter and read and see your site.

If you don't want them to see it, you change password and don't give it to them.

Next of course you violated their privacy by going in their bedroom and reading things on their desk.

[forksandspoons]

Actually, I am not using internet that they pay for. It is mine, and my own laptop. My mom has her own desktop that I do not use, or ever log in to Facebook on. Even so, if it were her internet, she is still accessing another adults private email.

I never specifically told her my Facebook password. I told her in general, what the formula/components of my passwords are, so there had to be at least a little guesswork involved.

Also, it is understood in this house that I can enter their room to get my cat. And you are out of your mind if you think I will simply ignore copies of my private conversations printed out. She is not entitled to privately have that, such as, I am not invading her privacy by doing so.

[LearningAsIGo]

We could beat this to death with details of your living arrangement but I think the answer is simple. As other posters mentioned, change your password to something she (nor anyone else) can guess, report the violation to Facebook and then WITH RESPECT discuss this with your mother. Because you are living in her home, their rules apply, but that does not take away your right to privacy. Since it is your mother and her home, keep it respectful and start by asking her what reason she had for doing this. It might be a good opportunity to discuss your entire living situation and set ground rules for both sides.

[forksandspoons]

So, I confronted her about this. She seemed genuinely remorseful and willingly handed over what she printed out. Had she not gone that route, I'm not sure what I would have done. It would have negatively effected our relationship, that is for sure.

[ScottGem]

I'm going to take a different tack here. Did you ever stop to think that she did it because she cares about you? That she may have some concerns about you and wanted to know more about how you were doing.

I'm not saying that excuses her. Since you are an adult, it does seem over the top. But I think you need to understand why she did it.

You let her know what password you might be using so there is no illegality about it.