[lds63]

My ex-wife and I share joint custody of our 12-year old son. She has primary physical custody and I have authority regarding my son's extracurricular activities. I also bear the costs of those activities. The parenting plan states that the parent caring for the child is responsible for any scheduled activity for the child. I can transport him to his activities if I choose, which I almost always do since I am usually a coach for his sports teams. She has long maintained that "her weekends are hers" and she doesn't have to make my son available for practices and games if she doesn't choose to. However, she only now has followed through with this "threat" and he has now missed two consecutive travel baseball practices and may miss a third tomorrow.

Another area of the parenting plan where I feel she is in violation is in regards to overnight guests. The plan says that "the Parties shall not have any overnight guest of the opposite sex over the age of 18 in their home" that isn't related while my son is under 18. While it is not her home, my ex has been taking my son with her on many of her weekends to stay with her boyfriend in his home 50 miles away. While it may not violate the exact wording of the plan, it certainly violates the intent.

What recourse do I have? I know I can file complaints with the Gwinnett County court, but at what point will her actions rise to the level where the court will do something about this? Is it a long, drawn-out process to get the court's assistance to enforce the plan? My son seems to be depressed and is starting to have trouble in school. If I go to court to ask for custody, will I need more instances like these to gain custody? I just think that Georgia courts will tend to give the mother as much leeway as possible before deciding to take primary physical custody from her. I will ask for additional legal advice, but I was trying to get a gauge of what is and is not reasonable to expect before I invest in those legal services.

[ScottGem]

This is an interesting issue. If the parenting plan gives her her weekends, she is not in violation of the plan by not allowing your son to participate in extra curricular activities. But frankly I find her attitude very curious. It would seem that she is alienating your son by this refusal. So, while she is not legally in violation, it doesn't seem a smart thing to do.

As to the overnight visits. This is also splitting hairs, but I agree it violates the intent of the plan.

Now I do not think this is enough to change custody, but I do think a court will admonish her for these actions. So I would bring it to the attention of the court. I would NOT be asking for a change in the custody arrangement, but I would be asking that she be required to allow your son to participate in any scheduled events related to his participation. I would also request that the plan be modified to to state that your son not be involved in any overnight stays with a member of the opposite sex whether it be in her home or any other accommodation.

I do not know whether the courts will allow it it, but I would like to think the courts would see what she is doing as counter to the doctrine of best interests of the child.

[Fr_Chuck]

On her weekends she does not have to allow him go to anything she does not want them to go to. If she had to, you could in fact try to control all the child's time with events to go to.

So no, the court will not require her to make him go on her days, she has full control of them.
I will disagree with Scott, since it is all in how it is presented to the court, she could file that you are trying to cheat her out of her weekends by planning activities you know is not possible on her days. She could claim that you should only plan activities that will happen on YOUR weekends.

I doubt that the no person of the other sex clause will stay in after a couple of hearings. I am actually surprised that a GA court even put it into an agreement to start with. Georgia has a long history of not controlling the bedroom. And the right to live without marriage with another person is legal. In fact most GA courts have ruled that while the other parent "may" have the requirement to know who the other person is, they can not control who they are unless they are a threat to the child.

I would say if she had any type of attorney at all, that clause will be done away with at any new modification.

[ScottGem]

I will disagree with Scott, since it is all in how it is presented to the court, she could file that you are trying to cheat her out of her weekends by planning activities you know is not possible on her days.

I would agree with this if the father was making the plans. That's why I specified scheduled activities. If the child joins a team or club then he should be permitted to participate in all the games. It would be different if the father scheduled activities then expected the mother to take him to them.