[zcatchick]

Trying to get out of a loveless marriage but me and my 2 yr old can't live in a car. Shelter is an option, but a bad one. I'm in college and unemployed. He is supposed to deploy in march, but I'm not even sure that's true.

I married a soldier and left home shortly after. He immediately got deployed, and asked for a divorce a month later(the same day I got into a car accident, totaled my van, and he never asked if I got hurt). I had promised him before he left that I would not divorce him while deployed, so I didn't, since I'm a woman of my word. After we agreed about divorce, I had no reason to live hundreds of miles from family with no vehicle, and my ex was literally the only person who had legal tags, registration, and insurance. So he came to rescue me. We were together until hubby asked for me back, and I moved three times with him and had a daughter, who's now 2. He was immature before her, and he border lined on NEGLECT with the baby. I'd get home from work and she'd been in a dirty diaper long enough to bleed, and be starving!

I've tried counseling, single and couples, talking to him, writing little notes, military marriage retreats, books, and seminars to no avail. I've left and gone to a homeless shelter for a while. We tried separate bedrooms too. I use 'i feel' statements all the time. When I talk to him, even ask him something: his answer is ALWAYS "I don't know why I do that" or "what do you want me to say?". He sits there, motionless, like a statue, and only opens his mouth to yell and scream.

By now, I'm so tired of being hurt and let down that I stopped caring. He's ruined my credit, lied to me about money, broken nearly every promise he ever made... And he's been ignoring our daughter even still. I can see the hurt in her eyes, and I know exactly how that effects a child's mind. I feel like I'm literally suffocating.

He steals money, manipulates me, lies all the time, and changes his mind all the time. I can't trust anything. I've been honest all the way through. I always keep my word, and until recently,I tried to respect him.

I want to know how to get out. I'm attending college, and jobless. Can't live in my car with my child, you know. I feel that he will never really try to help make this work. I can not do this alone, LOL-literally. But I really don't want to go back to that shelter.

[JudyKayTee]

This is more of a blog and less of a question.

If your child is being abused either emotionally or physically you need to leave. In fact, that's the very advice you gave to someone else on AMHD. If you can't leave for you, leave for her.

Who is paying for your college education? Drop out, get a job, get your child to a safe place, plan on resuming your education at a later time.

You can't have it both ways, unfortunately. I'd say live with the man who supports you but not when he's abusive to your child.

You also seem to jump from man to man - now it's time to make your own way, stand on your own two feet.

I'd call every friend and every relative I've ever had and get your daughter out of there. Starving (not having been fed all day) and bleeding from a diaper rash?

I'd go before both of you are charged with neglect.

[talaniman]

That homeless shelter is a good option, and your family is a better one. For now, until you can get out, and on your feet.