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    kristisantiago's Avatar
    kristisantiago Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 31, 2012, 07:17 AM
    My boyfriend killed himself, I need help.
    I had a boyfriend on/off for five years who killed himself a week ago. We argued a lot, and even though I didn't know he was actually planning on doing it, I thought it was just another fight, he admitted to pushing me away because he didn't want to live and said I was the only thing keeping him alive, but I never believed him I never thought it was possible I could lose him forever like this. Every time we said it was over and argued, he'd show up 10 times sweeter than ever the next day. I loved him, with all my heart. I'm 19 years old, he was 18, and he was the only boy I ever gave the time of day. I never even kissed another guy. We talked every single day, and now he's gone and I can't cope. So far movies seem to be the only thing that can even come close to having someone to relate to. I've watched Keith and Ps I love you. Both seem pretty fitting. I was wondering if anyone would have any advice or any other movie tips because I could really use some help right now. Any help. Please...
    WanDj's Avatar
    WanDj Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #2

    Jan 31, 2012, 07:28 AM
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm no grief counselor and I can only imagine what you're going through. It's a shame that such a young person came to conclude that there are nothing else to live for. But you do. You could definitely use a good friend who you can share some talk time regularly to help you steer off from the death of your boyfriend. When I want to get out of a certain u pleasant thought, I'd normally think of something else. Like plan a trip, regardless of whether it will ever happen or not! All the best Kristi and remember that its not your fault.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Jan 31, 2012, 07:45 AM
    Surely you have friends. Go out with girlfriends but tell them you don't want to go to clubs or places to meet guys until you say so.
    You are a little bit fortunate in that he told you all along that he didn't want to live and that he pushed you away because of it. It doesn't help the grief, but it helps with any guilt. Guilt is the thing that drags on and on. Grief is something you can make a part of you over time, sad but sweet.
    Any movie with a heartfelt theme is fine. It doesn't have to be about two people in love, or death, or loss. Heck, even reruns of TV of sitcoms and Bonanza and Mash, or 30 Rock or The Golden Girls or - anything about life.
    awesomagic's Avatar
    awesomagic Posts: 69, Reputation: 46
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    #4

    Feb 4, 2012, 10:57 PM
    A loss like this is always tragic. There was a very popular song back in the 80's called, "Don't Know What You Got till it's Gone". It's true. Most of us really have no idea how good we've got it until it's taken away from us. You are now realizing that fact.

    On a more practical note, I hope you have learned a valuable lesson here. You're only 19 years old, and have several decades ahead of you, so listen very carefully. When someone tells you that they are considering suicide, take them at their word, they're completely serious. People tend to be dismissive of the subject of the taking of one's own life, generally because it makes the listener uncomfortable.

    As a hospice chaplain I hear this topic discussed quite often, and I've learned one universal truth: Any and every threat of suicide is completely valid. You are learning this now because you may need this experience later. The next time you hear someone talk like that, you'll be ready. Good luck.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #5

    Feb 5, 2012, 05:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kristisantiago View Post
    I had a boyfriend on/off for five years who killed himself a week ago. We argued a lot, and even though I didn't know he was actually planning on doing it, I thought it was just another fight, he admitted to pushing me away because he didn't want to live and said I was the only thing keeping him alive, but I never believed him I never thought it was possible I could lose him forever like this. Every time we said it was over and argued, he'd show up 10 times sweeter than ever the next day. I loved him, with all my heart. I'm 19 years old, he was 18, and he was the only boy I ever gave the time of day. I never even kissed another guy. We talked every single day, and now he's gone and I can't cope. So far movies seem to be the only thing that can even come close to having someone to relate to. I've watched Keith and Ps I love you. Both seem pretty fitting. I was wondering if anyone would have any advice or any other movie tips because I could really use some help right now. Any help. Please....

    I was widowed. If you get some relief from the pain by watching movies, then that's the way you handle things for now. I cannot sit through Ghost, although I had it recommended to me.

    You know he was troubled and I hope you know that there was nothing you did or didn't do that caused his death. He was an adult, responsible for his own actions.

    My experience? Grief takes many forms and has many twists and turns. I had good days followed by bad days followed by hating to see the sun come up followed by a good day. It's a rollercoaster. I found that the pain would get better and then come back much worse.

    I don't know what you are experiencing but it was at least six months before I realized that my husband was gone from me forever - this wasn't a hospitalization, this wasn't a business trip. He was not coming home again. Once I hit that wall it started to get better.

    I have moved on. In fact, I have remarried. I still have days when I wake up and the pain actually pins me to the mattress.

    You have to go on. You do your boyfriend no honor if you lock yourself away. Time will make a difference. Your life will never be the same but it will be good again.

    Take care of yourself - do whatever you need to do to get through this. Sometimes it's being alone. Sometimes it's being with friends. Sometimes it's a group. Sometimes it's something else. You'll find your way out of this but it will take time.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #6

    Feb 5, 2012, 06:55 PM
    Cry, grieve, and take time. Do something in his memory.
    Ineedyourhelp10's Avatar
    Ineedyourhelp10 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jun 3, 2013, 09:22 PM
    First, lets start by saying I know what your going trough and hat I'm terribly sorry for yoloss.
    4 years ago now, my girlfriend killed herself becas someone said she didn't want to live on the same planet as that "slut."
    What I did was I went o m bedroom, laid down, thought about all our vood times togethr while taking deep breaths. At the beginning I was crying and by the time I sat up, I had a huge zmile.

    The most impirtant thing is to not blam yourself, doing this just makes everything worse.

    Also, let it out. Find someone you can talk to and just let it all out, the good and the bad.

    I hope this helps

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