Originally Posted by
Aurora_Bell
Well I must be one of the 1%, I seem to be the only one out there who finds it incredibly painful not matter how slow and how much lube is used. I have never enjoyed anal sex, but have been willing to try it. I do agree, it has a lot to do with your mind frame. Relaxed, and lots of lube and make sure he wears a condom.
The key being you never learned to control your contract reflex... its really not hard to do, but its essential to learn to relax when something there, be it a finger, a vibrator, a dildo or him.
Start small, with like a finger, and when you learn to completely relax with that work up to larger and larger things. A fingers good because you can feel the contraction and learn exactly which muscle to relax. It might work for you the first time... and for a rare few like you aurora, you might have to work at it a bit longer... and I mean every couple days at most. Pain is a result of that muscle trying to contract and not being able to because something's there forcing it to stretch at the same time.
Learn to do it and you find there are even MORE nerve endings than you have in the vaginal area... which means it can be immensely pleasurable... but try it before you can, or before you relax and you are more likely than not to feel pain.
#1 you have to want it, and #2 you have to take the time to work you way up to it. As in... you don't wake up and decide to run the NY marathon that day when you haven't so much as run down the street and back.
But you have to take precautions particularly if you aren't completely monogamous in your relationship, for a long time.
And as Aurora so aptly proved... some people can pull it off the first try, others have to work at it a whole lot longer... mostly how good you are at mind over body.