[loplop]

I'm a passive, shy and below average guy with a crush on an above-average girl , I always assume crushes like will reject me so I never try and assume rejection, so should I continue like this? Please help.

[talaniman]

Even if you are passive, are you curious enough to explore the crush? Why Not, you may meet a great friend, even if you don't make a love connection.

I don't think you should ever take rejection personally, because its more about them than you, but you never know what the reception you will get, nor how it evolves later, if you don't find the courage to take a risk.

I think many get stuck on the notion of the "ONE", and cannot see that there may be "MANY", so they stop at one, instead of moving to the NEXT, option, and opportunity. We all have a fear of rejection, but that fear shouldn't immobilize us forever, should it?

Now explain what passive has to do with it?

[loplop]

If your passive, then you certainly don't have courage to over come this fear. Besides this crush is on a semi-celebrity twitter on at @poojahandatv (Toronto, Canada), therefore rejection is assumed, even though her personality is the perfect complement to my personality and I certainly would not mind having her as a friend since I could really use some, but she's out of my league though I really think we have stuff in common. This is especially dis-heartening since I saw her and liked her way before she became popular and other people started to like her. This is the story of my life, I like a girl who's my type,I do nothing, and sooner or later lots of other people like her and I have no chance with them not even as a friend. Maybe there are many girls like her, but I rarely meet them, and even if I do others always come in and I have no chance. Thanks for your help, but I'm cursed.

[talaniman]

You are not cursed, just limited severely by your point of view.

[loplop]

What should I do?

[talaniman]

First Mr. Passive, stop assuming and take a risk. And stop looking for excuses not to try, and keep your goals reasonable.

Above all, stop looking for romance, and make friends, get to know them, and let them know you. And if you are single, you should have a life that YOU enjoy, whether you have a romantic interest or not.

Stop being your own worst enemy, Mr. Passive.Passive people can have great courage in the face of adversity, and don't have to live in FEAR!

[loplop]

In keeping my goals reasonable I should forget about @poojahandatv being my friend or anything else (who I don't follow on twitter), and try to make friends and other relationships with people in my league, right?

[talaniman]

Not in your league, in your reality. Real people in REAL life that you interact with outside the computer. On line friends and buddies are great, but what the freak are you falling in love for?

No guy, a real life is what you need, not a twitter buddy. And if YOU see yourself as below average, that's whack! If others see you that way, WHO CARES? No such thing as below average, Mr.Passive, not for people that love themselves, and are happy with who they are.

[loplop]

How do I start getting a real life together? You just can't go up to people you do not know on the street and ask them out or if they want to be friends or hang out or something! Where should I go, do or say?

[talaniman]

You are right. Its not an instant thing to make happen. It's a process of long hard work that is ongoing in life. Like a journey, it will never stop once you get started, so it starts with you and what you want in life. Start with what you enjoy, and then explore the other options, and opportunities that life may have for you.

If you love yourself, and do good things for yourself, you will be happy with yourself, and your life, and that's what attracts other happy people who want to share that happiness with you.

Build a life away from that computer, and explore the world around you. Tell yourself every day that you love the guy in the mirror, and will help him have a great day. FIND real things that you enjoy, and make a plan to do and try things. Your negative attitude needs to be adjusted to a positive one, as that's the only difference between a below average human, and a great one, ATTITUDE!!

Volunteer somewhere, and see those that are truly in need of help and compassion, and maybe you are indeed truly fortunate, and stop being stuck on yourself being so UNDER average. You can be the ugliest toad in the world, yet be grateful, and happy with yourself.

Just be a good human, that's all there is to it, and enjoy this life, and yourself. Be good to yourself, and stop chasing on line fantasies. Get a real life.

How come you don't have friends you can do things with??

[loplop]

I do not know why I do not have friends? People say I'm a good and nice guy, but people do not like me enough to be my friend for long, is it my fault?

[talaniman]

Explain what you mean? I don't understand?

[loplop]

People (friends) in my life tend to leave, I know the kind of people I want to be friends with but I do not think I'm good enough for them despite being nice and the best I can be.

[talaniman]

I think it has more to do with age and interest than whether you are good enough to have friends or not. Good friends will come and go because we all get busy in living. The not so good will also. Youth may run in packs but as you get older the pack thins and the members change.

[loplop]

I don't if this helps, but I would describe myself as a hybrid between Raj and Sheldon who are characters from the hit CBS primetime show the "Big Bang Theory". Therefore, any possible solutions to their social, relationship and friend problems could similarly be applicable to me. An interesting hypothesis?

[talaniman]

Makes sense if you are a TV character, or your life is a situation comedy. Most of us learn through exploring, and experimenting. Our lives are seldom so scripted, so adjustments generally are revelations we haven't thought of. And we seldom gain understanding from one 30 minute lesson.

Write your own script.

[loplop]

In writing my own script, what if I make irreversal mistakes and my script makes my life even worst? I can accept an isolated, lonely and friendless life, but anything else on top of this would be too much for me.

[talaniman]

We all make mistakes and learn from them, and do better. That's how we gain experience, knowledge, and hopefully wisdom. If you don't at least find the courage to try... you gain NOTHING!!

[mmresd]

No, try and get rejected until you get used to it. There is nothing wrong with rejection, you just get up and try it again. Can't win them all, but at least some. However if you don't try, then you will ALWAYS lose.

Try understanding this poem.

"If you think that you are defeated, you are
If you think that you do not dare,
you shall not do it
If you think that you would like to win
But that you cannot, you shall not win
Because in the world you will find that
Success begins with the will of man.
If you think that you will lose,
you have already lost
It's all in the mental state
Because many races have been lost
Before they were run
And many cowards have failed
Before having begun their work
Think big and your deeds shall grow
Think small and you shall remain behind;
You must think well to elevate yourself,
It's all in the mental state.
If you think you are ahead you are
You must think well to elevate yourself
You must be sure of yourself,
Before attempting to win a prize
The battle of life is not always won
By the man who is strongest or quickest,
Because sooner or later the man who
Wins is he who believes he can."
Dr. Christian Barnard

[loplop]

"A being influenced and tortured by the powers of Eros might as well as be following in the foot steps of Sisyphus" I do not want that, therefore I accept my lack of fellowship and live apathetically.