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Namirowski6 · Jan 3, 2012, 01:16 PM

I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 45 I'm trying to understand why sex has stopped. I know he has been working hard and is tired lately I complete respect that and always give him time to rest. I know he looks at porn which is fine all guys do but I'm confused if he can take 5 minutes out of the to search for porn why can't he take 5 minutes in the bedroom with me?

JudyKayTee · Jan 3, 2012, 06:19 PM

Why not ask him? He (presumably) knows.

Guesses are health, stress, general unhappiness, depression.

Namirowski6 · Jan 3, 2012, 07:41 PM

I have brought up the issue it starts a fight.

450donn · Jan 3, 2012, 08:36 PM

Not all guys look at porn. Depending on how much porn he is looking at he is probably finding it easier to masturbate than spend time with you. Maybe it is time to move on.

Namirowski6 · Jan 3, 2012, 10:17 PM

He looks at porn once a week if that we spend a lot of time together unlike most couples we get along except when I bring up this topic for the past month

Synnen · Jan 4, 2012, 12:05 AM

Okay, porn isn't about you at all.

5 minutes with porn is 5 minutes that he's getting pleasure with no stress attached whatsoever. It's all about HIM.

5 minutes in the bedroom with you means he has to think about YOU. That's not quick and easy at all.

Porn is a quick sandwich for lunch. Sex with you is a full sit-down meal. Sometimes people just want to not be hungry without having to worry about the dishes.

smoothy · Jan 4, 2012, 06:30 AM

As synnen said... plus, most normal guys look at porn (those who don't are in the minority). Guys are visual... we like to see skin.

And as was stated... its not about you... its apples and oranges. The difference is between "ME" time... and "US" time. Everyone needs some "ME" time..

And as you stated... he's tired from work... and the "ME" time gives him a chance to disconnect and unwind.

Consider this... you are lucky his form isn't grabbing a sixpack or a bottle of whiskey and plopping into the recliner.

Plus if his job is mentally stressful as well as physically exhausting... thats a double whammy. Either will suppress the libido... both in combination can kill it for a lot of guys or women. And if he's like most people these days... the thought of layoffs every single day over months or even years does take its toll on you emotionally. And that's something you can't see.

And based on how snippy he is... I'll bet this is the case... that there is more on his back (metaphorically) than you are aware of.

And a 45 year olds perspective on things in this situation is far different than the average 25 year old. Because trust me... I've been through both of those periods of life so I can state how they do change over time.

At 25 you always have the safety net of your parents... at 45 if your parents are still alive they are likely retired and on a fixed income and you can't bother them or don't want to, so you feel there is no safety net if it turns for the worst. (at least in your mind) so you can see why an older person usually takes this far more seriously, and in effect gets more stressed out.

Namirowski6 · Jan 4, 2012, 08:14 AM

I am aware of how hard he is working but looking from my point I'm trying to understand what the problem is whem you don't have sex for a month it strikes as confusing