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ken158 · Dec 31, 2011, 03:37 AM

I asked out a friend about a month ago. Went on a date, and she took things very quickly and it escalated to a short makeout session. I was taken completely by surprise.

Then, two days later, she tells me that it's "not working out" and dumps me.

I ignored her for a few weeks, just to see how she would react, knowing that she will come back. Sure enough, she did. Then the same thing happened today, except it was shorter. She would get all physical with me, and did the whole making out thing again, and literally 30 seconds later she tells me that she "doesn't want a relationship" and "regrets taking things too far the first time", and "was sorry for doing it again". She still had the balls to invite me to dinner, knowing full well that I was going to pay. I declined, of course.

What struck me as most interesting was that she was talking about how we should go out, but half an hour later, tells me that she doesn't like relationships, and how she's not over her crush from a year ago. She also called herself a variety of "bad" things, like being a whore, a judgmental *****, a pervert, etc.

Her excuse this time in dropping me was that she is "bisexual". She had multiple feeble excuses, including the whole "I'm not over my crush" thing, who also happened to be my friend (he is still my friend. I do not have any ill feelings toward my friend at all, this was not his fault). When I told her I didn't mind, she then went on to say that she "has feelings for her friend who also shares those feelings". I'm very skeptical about this, since I'm pretty sure that she just made that up as we went along.

I have a feeling that if I ignore her again, she'll be back. I plan on ignoring her again.

What should I do? I am kind of attracted to her still, even after all of this. I don't want this cycle to happen, which is driving me away. But I'm still interested, even though everyone (including myself) is telling me that she's out of her goddamn mind.

Kahani Punjab · Dec 31, 2011, 04:01 AM

Ken158,

Firstly, I welcome you to this great site!

She wants attention, no doubt, but she is tempramental, which is due to many reasons, exp. The mensural circrle she is passing through or a lot many other reasons. She might have permanently absurd or unusual nature and behaviour, or can be out of her present harmonal changes, which she might be undergoing. Just wait and watch. Do not reason with her, do not try to be logical or something. Just WAIT. Good luck!

JudyKayTee · Dec 31, 2011, 10:08 AM

She needed/wanted a booty call - you were it.

She didn't ask for a relationship.

corrigan · Dec 31, 2011, 01:07 PM

It's possible that this is one of those girls that likes not liking her relationship. She'll say she hates relationships, but instead of not being in a relationship, she'll always be in one relationship or another and then complain that she doesn't like relationships. I have one piece of advice, RUN. Don't take her calls, don't accept any invitation she offers, and whatever you do, don't ever date her. If she is the kind of girl I think she is, what she'll do is be nice, sweet and inviting, and as soon as she thinks she has you she'll say, "I'm not looking for a relationship" and "We were never really dating" or some such nonsense. If you ever give up and stop pursuing her, that's when the nice and sweet starts up again. It's the female equivalent of a guy who beats his girlfriend. I could be wrong, but the whole hot/cold thing is a big red flag.

JudyKayTee · Dec 31, 2011, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by corrigan

If you ever give up and stop pursuing her, that's when the nice and sweet starts up again. It's the female equivalent of a guy who beats his girlfriend. I could be wrong, but the whole hot/cold thing is a big red flag.

Sorry, but there is no parallel between a man being physically abusive to a woman and woman not wanting to date a man.

In fact, I find this statement somewhat insulting.

corrigan · Jan 1, 2012, 05:05 PM

JudyKayTee: I never said she was anything, just that she might be emotionally abusive. And the issue was not that she didn't want to date him it was that she did want to and then didn't, and then she did again. The flip-floping is a big red flag that men have a tendency to ignore because we think we're tougher and smarter than we really are. The propensity to be abusive is not a male-only characteristic, but since men are bigger and stronger, an abusive woman needs to be more subtle than an abusive man will be. That usually manifests itself in the form of emotional abuse. In any event, the situation still seems like a hornet's nest that is best avoided.