[valinors_sorrow]

Lately here I have seen many posts and threads where its all too evident to me that some serious denial or pitypot parties are taking place to the detriment of the OP. Both of these really do a number on people, and makes it pretty close to impossible to help the person out too. Can you think of any other actions you are routinely seeing or do you have more comments on these two? I would be very interested.

Denial - not seeing things accurately which can really block any problem solving totally and forever trap the person who practices it in misery that they will work furiously to blame on anyone but who it really is -- themselves.

Pitypot Party -- not the genuine pain, sorrow or grief that flows by after a loss but a kind of getting stuck and wallowing in it so that the pain, sorrow or grief sticks around. Easy to confuse with the real thing but certainly a party where eventually the only guest left is the host.

[Teaching]

Speaking from my own experience, I think it is very hard to look at the picture objectively and try and moveforward. It is so easy to be stuck in denial and pity. Maybe it is safe. Just my thoughts. I think a lot of people get stuck till they meet someone who makes them realize things. Hope this makes sense.

[freedove]

Correct, I am praying for someone to come on my path so I become unstuck x

[sexybeasty]

Hey val, I agree with you 100%. By the way, I also agree with what you have written under your post. I was going to give you a reputation for that one, but apparently I give you too many. Go figure.

I think maybe we agree so much because of the journey we have been on and the hard work it took to get us here. Pityparties and denial prevent people from working on the actual problem at hand. We all have the tools and really need to recognize this and use them so we can move on to more important things, like spreading joy and happiness to our frineds and loved ones.

By the way, hi free. I love to see you here. You are the best!! (I know free from another site in case anyone is wondering and maybe some would wonder since free posted once.) Hope to see you post a couple of more times when you take a few moments away from wondir. Love you gal!!

[Bluerose]

I agree with Val...

In short if you ask for help have the decency to listen to what is being said. Others can only offer advice and information... What you do with it is up to you.

But if you mean business and are ready to walk the talk then begin by being prepared to listen and learn.


Zen Masters never repeat themselves. If a student missed something that was said, the Zen Master simply assumes that the student is not ready to grow in awareness and move on.


The quality of your thoughts will determine the quality of your life.


A Few Example Thoughts...

Away with pity-parties.
Away with excuses half measures.
Be less demanding and more understanding.
Allow relationships to grow at their own pace.
Relax and allow the future to unfold as it should.
Talk less and listen more - you may hear something uselful.

Now create some of your own.


A Few Example Affirmations...

I deserve to experience everything that is good in the world.

I will cultivate more mental discipline and be more selective.

I alone am responsible for everything that happens in my life.

My response to anxiety or fear is to take a moment to be still, to observe the sensation and to let it pass.

I create my own reality from the thoughts I entertain, and in order to change any part of that reality, I need only change what I am thinking.

Now create some of your own.


2 Cool Zen Stories ~


Empty Your Cup ~

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master.
While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen.
The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring.
The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted.
"You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup."

Don't make the mistake of thinking you know everything there is to know about yourself and the world you live in.


How Long Will It Take ~

A student went to his Teacher and said earnestly, "I am devoted to studying Zen with you, how long will it take to master it? The Teacher replied, "More than ten years." Impatiently, the student answered, "But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?" The teacher thought for a moment and then said, "About twenty years."

You waste valuable time and energy when you refuse to sit quiet and listen.

[chuff]

Denial is also a safe harbor. When your in denial, many times the all the ailments of the world belong to everybody else and they are bringing them to you. Stepping out of denial sometimes means you have accept the responsibility that you were wrong and many times you have to accept that you were wrong for a series of things. Being wrong about anything is, in my opinion, wrongly thought of in society. We drill it in to kids not be do badly in school, at work not to screw up, and laugh at people in the news who make mistakes. Yet it is the errors of our lives where the learning takes place. For some reason that is never mentioned on a regular basis and I don't even think I figured it out until I was an adult. But at one time we all did not know the alphabet, much less what it was used for in forming words, yet we all now meet and correspond because of it. But we didn't learn it over night, rather it took us YEARS to master something that we take for granted every single day. I'm sure if we all went back and looked at our first grade spelling tests we would see that we couldn't spell the simplest of words like dog or cat at first. Now we take if for granted how easy it is because we weren't afraid then of the failure or looking bad hiding in denial. We just brushed it off and tried again. Somewhere along the way we flipped that around and now we fear the truth and it's easier to sit in denial.

[valinors_sorrow]

Yet it is the errors of our lives where the learning takes place.

You make some really valid points Chuff. Errors are where invitations to learn are issued -- its up to each of us whether we accept that invitation and actually learn or blow it off in arrogance and denial, only to repeat the error and be invited again later. I have seen a kind of dumbing down taking place in the US that is staggering. It feeds all sorts of problems. It concerns me that until it takes its toll on us being collectively one of the richest nations on earth, we won't be doing a great deal about it. Sadly, by that time, it will be way way too late to avoid some serious consequences. Such as it is when the individual won't take the invitation to learn, so it is too for any collective -- it is just how these things work. Shrugs. We largely get what we ask for (good and bad) by what we do or fail to do. We each are proportionately responsible and reap the effect whether we acknowledge it or not. LOL

[NeedKarma]

I watch mistakes made by others and learn from that as well.

[valinors_sorrow]

I watch mistakes made by others and learn from that as well.

Very dependent on what is defined as "mistake", isn't it? ;)

[NeedKarma]

True that Val.

As a parent I'm surprised to hear people tell me that their whole basis in parenting their children is to not be like their own parents, then they proceed to tell me why. Quite sad, but I take it all in and make sure I learn from their experiences.

[rosy_123]

correct, i am praying for someone to come on my path so i become unstuck x

But you don't need to sit around and wait for someone! I think that if you already recognize that you are stuck, you're already on the right path to becoming unstuck.