[Ashley111]

Hello,

I know there are many posts of a girlfriend wanting to take a break but mine has a long distance attached to it.

So we've been together for 7 months and she started work in October (she moved away from her parents home), we were in heaven before she started work. Things slowly started going down from there. I knew we would spend less time together, I didn't mind. I was ready for whatever came my way, to support her and understand.

Its December and its been a horrible month, after not talking for 2 weeks, we finally spoke online. She said she had no money, was missing her parents, and a superior at work was giving her a very bad time.

I asked her if she still wanted this relationship, she said she wasn't sure and maybe it wasn't meant to be etc.

During the middle of our conversation, she said she still loves me and cares about me, that its not about anything wrong in our relationship or me. Its about her, she said she needs time to settle and adjust to things and wants a break For the time being. Middle of the night she texted to say It was nice to talk to me today. SO I guess she was thinking about me.

I gave the girl what she wants but I'm so scared. We both were talking on marrying, being together, living together before her work started and it all slowly stopped. She shut down, her emotions and everything.

I don't know what to do, a break for the time being? What's that supposed to mean... will she come back? How should I behave if she texts me. I really love this girl and I know she loves me because she said so. I'm giving her the break she wants but I'm so lost.

Is it just her job pressure and new place... and if that's the case then it will be all right won't it ?

Wow, Im new and didn't know there were many long distance questions also. Although none really have my situation.

I'm sorry to bother you about it but I'm going nuts and feeling terribly empty. I trust her but yet I don't know what's going on in that mind of hers.

[talaniman]

When they ask for a break, give it to them, and recognize she has put you in the friend zone. That usually means she appreciates you being emotionally available, but is unaware she is filling you with false hope.

Don't fall for that, as innocent as it is sometimes on her part to reach out to someone available to her, and appreciate it.

But on your part, know this and don't get your hopes up, and consider not being so available to be an emotional tampon for an ex you were dumped by, and not healed enough to be a friend yet. As you see, your hopes are all stirred up.

I just think she is being nice to a friend whom she happened to date for a few months, and now just wants to be friends when she needs one. Human, and understandable, but hurt like hell doesn't it?

[Ashley111]

It hurts so much.

A big part of me says that she just wants time to let the stress of work tone down a bit and due to this being the festive season, money is also very tight. It can knock anyone down.

She asked if I wanted to talk on the 27th, It's a good sign if she still wants to talk right? I mean she even sent a text saying that it was nice to talk to me.

I'm ready to shift from being her partner to a best friend now if she needs me to, isn't that what relationships demand sometimes?

She said she felt guilty for not being the girlfriend I deserve. I spent the time supporting her and telling her that I'd be there for her through this tough time.

This girl is the one, I've seen what and how we were before the work started for her. It was amazing. I have even started the work on moving there to her country.

She was extremely affectionate before going offline.

[talaniman]

It hurts so much.
Of course it does, and anything that looks good, or makes you feel better, is welcome right? But you also are not seeing clearly thru the pain either, because you missed the part about she is sorry she couldn't be a good girl friend like she knows you wanted. She doesn't want you as a boyfriend! Just a friend in her time of need because she is lonely, stressed, alone, and homesick. If she was NOT, she wouldn't have called, right? Thats why you cannot pin your hopes on her. That would be reacting to feelings, instead of facts, and facts are that she dumped you, and said she probably won't come back. That means heal, move on, and protect a very broken heart, even from someone you think won't hurt you again, on purpose. If you were thinking clearly, knowing how you feel, this would be selfish at best, because no matter what, she knows she is hurting you just by talking to you. Why didn't you tell her that? Because you had false hope, and didn't want to ruin any desperate chance of her coming back.

A big part of me says that she just wants time to let the stress of work tone down a bit and due to this being the festive season, money is also very tight. It can knock anyone down.
She is having a rough patch, and that doesn't mean she wants a relationship when the holiday stress is over. She is at a weak point, and needs support, and she isn't thinking boyfriend, or romance, just some feel good during bad times. If she had friends, and a few parties to go thru, I doubt she would have had time to call, and that would hurt as much.

She asked if I wanted to talk on the 27th, It's a good sign if she still wants to talk right? I mean she even sent a text saying that it was nice to talk to me.
making sure you are available??? Bet you cancel your plans or don't make any because of that. Hmmm, did she even ask if you had any??

I'm ready to shift from being her partner to a best friend now if she needs me to, isn't that what relationships demand sometimes?
YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP THOUGH!!!!!!! Thats false hope again, making you think you MIGHT be again.

She said she felt guilty for not being the girlfriend I deserve. I spent the time supporting her and telling her that I'd be there for her through this tough time.
So she cannot give you what you wanted, but you give her what she wants!!!!!!!!!?????

This girl is the one, I've seen what and how we were before the work started for her. It was amazing. I have even started the work on moving there to her country.
Dude, after 7 months you know that and she has dumped you, and put you in the friend zone??? PUH-LEASE, again, lots of feelings but NO facts, at least none you pay attention to. Heck, if she wasn't nice to you now, she would have NO friends, and would be alone. Did she say she would welcome you to her country as her life mate?? Slow down Sherlock!!!

She was extremely affectionate before going offline.
Sweet words need actions behind them to have meaning, and you better get your head straight before you follow your heart.

[Ashley111]

Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.

[talaniman]

You are welcome, and sorry its not what you want to hear, but I am just very skeptical, and hope you are practical in your thinking, no matter what your decision is for the future.

I would love to tell you to hope for the best, but plan for the worst, because its risky and a hard path to follow. Only you know how strong you are, how much you can bear, or even if this is worth the risk, time and trouble.

Good Luck guy, whatever path you choose.

[vanheart]

You have received some amazing advice.

Here, take it from someone that has invested in an LD relationship. (5 years)
I should have had my head examined. Hehehe.

I got dumped from a phone call, that I made. Imagine that.

You may not realize it now, but you will later. That this was not real, or meant to be.

She has proved that, no matter how much you care.

If I were you. I wouldn't talk to her on the 27th, online, or anytime after. For good.

You see, when someone doesn't want you, I mean really want you, then disappear.

It may seem hurtful, but look what she's doing to you.

You got to think of what's best for you. And she isn't it.

Right?

[TrueFaith]

She tells you about all her problems at work and you go and say do you still want this relationship?

Not the most ideal time to say that my friend..

I've been in a Long distance relationship for about 3 and a half years now
Last year I only saw my girl for 3 days. Other than that its just skype or emails.

Now I know probable more than anyone on here, how bloody hard a L.D.R
It takes two very like minded people to make them work.

Because if one person thinks they are making more of an effort than the other, then it can go down hill pretty fast.
And silly things like.. Not texting on the right day not ringing, or canceling a time on web cam
Can't totally send you head into Orbit!

But you work at it together! Because from the start of it you make a long term goal.
That you both as a couple work towards!

As for 7 months is nothing but a drop in the ocean and its hard to connect on a real level.
And tossing a l.D.R into the mix just makes matters a lot worse

It hurts like hell I know
But you got to give her what she wants
You have to be the strong one in this.

Oh and best friend is so not the way to go just leave her alone. Being a friend will be the best of both worlds for her all the affection without any of the commitment or responsibility of a relationship.

I wish you all the best and remember your not alone in this

[vanheart]

TrueFaith:

"if one person thinks they are making more of an effort than the other"
"but you got to give her what she wants"

Yup. And yup.
Thanks for that TF. Says it all. Long distance or in the same bed. Don't matter.

False hope in effect.

[Ashley111]

Thank you so much for your help. :)

TrueFaith -

It was November when we started ending up with 1 week and no talking because she was either working or had a 3 day shifts with then night shifts and she needs time to recover, anyone would so I would give her that.

Come December and the no talking for days would continue until now, we didn't talk for a 2 weeks, she texted in between to say that she was depressed and was having a hard time with things. I understood, I just wanted to be there for her and support her but it felt as if she had locked me out.

Finally we spoke 2 days ago and I asked her if she still wanted this relationship because she was not giving any signs of emotion towrads me, or making any effort to show that she still cared. All I was looking for was just a little bit of encouragement , I don't need much. I knew I had to be the strong one.

I waited and waited with patience to talk to her and I asked her because I felt there was something not right.

Before all the problems started, we were talking about living together and I was planning on moving there to her. I even planned a December trip to her, to spend at least new year with her.

She said she wants a break for the time being as she needs time to settle down and adjust into her new place and work etc.. tackle the stress I guess. Im ready to give her anything. Yes I was the one giving much more into the relationship, sometimes when the other has a hard time, you got to be there without question and that's what I did.

I am hoping she comes back to me because she said she loved me and still cares for me and its not so much the relationship or a problem with me but it was her.

Hope and love is all I got but its tearing me apart as I want to be with her so much.

I have been in long distance relationships before. 4 with one and 5 with the other. One died and the other was waaay to old for me. We still talk and are good friends. So I know how to keep a long distance working but omg, this girl is something else lol and I mean that in a very good, she's wonderful way :)