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texastoast22 · Dec 24, 2011, 08:58 AM

All threads have been merged so please read the whole thing before responding

My girlfriend and I have been together over a year (we are both 21). In the first few months, sex was happening at least once a day, which was the level my sex drive is satisfied with. Then it dropped to once a week, for the past 3-4 months its been once every 2-3 weeks. We love each other very much and are extremely compatible in so many other ways. I have clearly communicated with her my needs, and she understands and wants to make our biological sex drives more in sync so that I am not always left frustrated.
How can we become more compatible? I have tried being more OK with having sex just 2 times a week (which is difficult for me), but that is too much for her. She is "too tired".

450donn · Dec 24, 2011, 02:41 PM

Move on. It will only get worse the longer the relationship continues. One question, does she have any sort of religious background or upbringing?

DaniCalifornia · Dec 25, 2011, 09:07 AM

Is it that you have a lot of passion for her, or you just want to be satisfied?

nitelight198073 · Jan 15, 2012, 10:07 AM

For one do you try to turn her on? Do romantic things for her so she will be more willing to make love? Try to do nice things for her, it may work and sex is not everything.. and if you love her, moving on would be a childish option!

smoothy · Jan 15, 2012, 07:42 PM

Deal with it... Treat it like she's the bank... and she is the one with a key to the vault.

And keep in mind... the difference between having sex with a woman... and another inmate having sex with you... is her saying yes or no.

You learn to live with it, lower your expectations or you find another girlfriend. You don't MAKE anyone else do anything.

Cat1864 · Jan 16, 2012, 02:07 PM

Why is she 'too tired'? Are you listening to her needs when you tell her about yours?

Part of being in a relationship is communicating with each other and coming up with compromises that work for both of you.

Your sex drives may be different. It doesn't mean you can't have a healthy and happy relationship.

It may be that her sex drive is lower due to pressure, stress, exhaustion, medical issues, drug issues, timing, etc. If she feels like all you want is sex then her libido is going to shut down. If she is trying to work, go to school, keep up a social life, and keep you happy, then she is going to be exhausted and her libido is going to suffer. Another factor that many couples ignore is the need to spend time apart. If you are together all the time then you aren't bringing new energy into relationship.

Sit down and talk about what you both need. See if schedules can be adjusted. See if you have been putting pressure on her to have sex all the time and if you might need to back off. See if your expectations might be a bit unrealistic for current schedules and lifestyles.

Decide together if your sex life might be able to pick back up again or if you would each be better off finding other partners.

texastoast22 · Feb 16, 2012, 03:52 PM

@450DONN I don't want to move on. I wouldn't give up because of one problem.
@NITELIGHTYes I do romantic things for her all the time, (sneak love notes in her purse/school books, surprise her with rose pedals all over her bed, clean her room or cook her a romantic dinner.
I always ask her what her feelings are and what she wants, its not just me talking.
So yes I do turn her on, She says I am the hottest guy she has dated and the first to make her have an orgasm. So she is very emotionally connected.
@CAT1866 you had great advice about spending too much time with each other. I think this is the problem. She does have a busy life (school/job/friends.. ) and I am constantly trying to be there when she has a break. I think I may be acting "too available".
She is currently studying abroad and tells me that she wish she would have had sex more often now that she can't get if from me (bc I'm not available)...

450donn · Feb 16, 2012, 04:12 PM

OK, you don't want to move on. Then get used to a woman with low sex drive. It will not get better. Don't smother her, let her set the pace for a while to see what transpires.

texastoast22 · Feb 16, 2012, 05:29 PM

My girlfriend of 1 year, (we are 22), is studying abroad in Spain for a semester.
We both promised to not cheat on each other and I am visiting her during the middle of the semester to make things easier.
We are 1 month into the semester and I asked her "what if I was totally ok with you hooking up with another man while in Spain would you?" she said "yes, as long as it didn't hurt me".

My question is, does this mean that deep down she doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship?
Here is how I feel, even if my girlfriend was OK with me hooking up, I wouldn't have any desire to because I only want to be sexually active with ONLY the 1 person who I am dating.
It seems that she wants to be with only me, but wishes that I was chill about letting her hookup. But because I'm not chill about it, she chooses not to because she doesn't want to hurt me.

jenniepepsi · Feb 16, 2012, 05:32 PM

No it means she answered your question.

You asked her if she would be willing to do something like that.
To most women, that means YOU want to do something like that. And she is willing to do so.

Don't ask trick or trap questions. And you won't have a problem.

If you have no desire to do something, then don't ask if she wants to do it.

texastoast22 · Feb 19, 2012, 11:23 PM

I feel very bad about this.
My girlfriend who I deep down know would never cheat on me, game me her password to her email 7 months ago.
We are in college and she is studying abroad in Spain for 11 semester. I tell her that I trust her because I feel like I do, but I find myself checking her email daily.
I know that it needs to stop so I can just let go and 100% trust her.
But I can't, for some reason I can't sleep unless I know she is being faithful. But then I can't sleep because I know I'm hurting myself (and our relationship) by developing habits that hinder trust.

Some background. We are seniors in College. We have dated for 14 months. She goes downtown on weekends and used to flirt with guys to get free drinks. Until a guy kissed her at a bar, I was upset, so she stopped flirting. That's the closest she has come to cheating on me. And that's not very close at all... She did cheat on her ex-boyfriend first year in college...
I feel like she trusts me 100%. I feel like I trust her 99.9%.
How do I stop checking her email?

indya · Feb 20, 2012, 12:12 AM

First of all, ask her to change her password and never disclose it to you again. Trust comes from within, and you are so insecure that you cannot trust her enough. If you keep this mistrust up, it will not only ruin your current relationship, but it will make your future prospects also worse.

texastoast22 · Mar 6, 2012, 01:31 AM

We are both seniors at university. We have been dating for 15 months. The last 2 she has spent studying abroad in Spain. Our relationship was beautiful. Not only did we have amazing sex with an incredible emotional connection.. But we also made each others live much better (i.e.. We helped each other cut back on drugs/partying and become more successful in school).

Last December (3 months ago) she told me that she wants to follow me after I graduate and go to Med School/physicians assistant school. She said "I see you in my long term future". We had talked about kids, family, marriage as all possibilities of the future. However, for 6 weeks before she left, she started partying a little bit more and getting more drunk downtown. She showed lots of immature signs when she was drunk (running in the street, dancing with other guys).. And we had a long talk about our expectations for her partying in Spain. She said "I am only going to party once or twice, I promise".

Then when she got there, she started partying the nightlife a lot. I told her that I was concerned she might slip back into old habits, and she said "don't worry babe, just trust me, I love you and I would never cheat on you"... So I decided to not be so controlling and just trust her... Over this past weekend, she told me she was going to go clubbing until 6am, and she promised she would call me when she got home... I said. "ok baby, I trust you, have a fun time"... That call never came. She called me the next day and told me she got drunk, went home with a stranger she met, and they had sex...

I told her that I would give her a 2nd chance if she stopped getting drunk or going clubbing until she had my trust back,. She accepted at first, but Skyped me this morning to say that she is breaking up with me. And that she doesn't love me anymore. How can someone fall out of love that fast? Was I too controlling? Or not controlling enough? I can't get over her, I am missing her so much right now. And she doesn't even seem to care at all. She barely even cried.

I feel torn to pieces. I'm not going to take her back if she comes back to me.. But how can I get over her? I'm so deep in love with her. And a month ago, she said she was so so so deeply in love with me and her love was growing so fast.

indya · Mar 6, 2012, 02:16 AM

Well one explanation can be that she left for a new place and was so taken up by the different culture and new found freedom that she lost control.

No texastoast22, you weren't controlling at all. And don't blame yourself for the break up. If I am getting it right she will try to get back to you once the novelty of her freedom dies down.

Just get a grip of yourself and enjoy your life. It's sad and tough to be through such a break up specially when you loved deeply, but now take this as a lesson and busy yourself in something else.

Wishing you luck! :)

talaniman · Mar 6, 2012, 06:21 PM

All the threads about this relationship have been merged into on story for the entire picture.

Break ups suck, and this break up is par for the course with a young female who was a partier, getting back in thee party scene.

Don't hold your breath waiting for her, she has already cheated, and you eagerly, no questions asked took her back. You gave her an inch, she took a mile, and in truth, she was going to do it again, and there was nothing you could have done about it besides locking her in a cage. The cheating is over, she dumped you, and you have to let go, and let time heal you.