[z2525]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and half often talked about a future together. Recently though I have been noticing that I often want to have sex more than he does. It started okay where we were compromising and at least having sex twice a week. Now though, it has become less frequent and sometimes he is even more distant emotionally. We have talked about it and he says that he has trouble being attracted to anyone in general. I would say he is asexual but I know in past relationships he was fairly sexually active. Since then though, he has been on medication that has affected his sex drive. I have trouble believing that as the sole reason for not wanting sex but trust him and he says he really wants to get in the mood but that is hard for him. I initiate a lot but get turned down a lot and now I am at the point where I worry I am pushing the subject too much. We almost broke up over this but we both want to make it work, we just don't know how. Please help.

[Xerxes12]

Be kind and gentle. Sometimes one doesn't have to fully complete the act to have release or pleasure. Another idea is cuddling. Just sharing that intimacy can help him re-find the joy in being close to you and ultimately sex. I agree with you that more talk would probably push him away, so you're already heading in the best direction with non-verbal communication.

Old saying but it's really true "actions speak louder than words" - if he asks for a soda, when handing it to him, take just a second to make sure your hand touches his, and look him in the eye. Looking directly at him, in all the many ways that we can - may help.

Best of wishes,
~X

[JudyKayTee]

And medication CAN and DOES change a person's sex drive. He should speak to his Physician.

You both appear to want to make the relationship work so I wouldn't pressure him, wouldn't talk about the problem endlessly, would suggest that he consult with a Physician.

Is he on the medication long term? If you feel like sharing, what is he taking? (My late husband was a Doctor of Pharmacy and I have some knowledge of what is prescribed.)

[JudyKayTee]

Be kind and gentle. Sometimes one doesn't have to fully complete the act to have release or pleasure. Another idea is cuddling. Just sharing that intimacy can help him re-find the joy in being close to you and ultimately sex. I agree with you that more talk would probably push him away, so you're already heading in the best direction with non-verbal communication.

Old saying but it's really true "actions speak louder than words" - if he asks for a soda, when handing it to him, take just a second to make sure your hand touches his, and look him in the eye. Looking directly at him, in all the many ways that we can - may help.

Best of wishes,
~X

I don't think this is about "re-finding the job in ... sex." He's on medication. Pressuring him is going to make it worse - and cuddling if he thinks it's going to turn into pushing for sex IS going to make it worse.

His Physician may very well have the answers. He just has to ask.

[450donn]

Like others in this sort of a situation. You have two choices. Stick it out and watch it only get worse or end the relationship and move on to someone else. Someone who is more intuned to your sexual needs and desires.