[njrugger]

OK, so I tried to add to a thread started by Sledsik but I'm new here and don't know how to answer.

My girlfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. She didn't like my video game playing and the couple of times I drank by myself. The day after she left me she said she thinks I have depression and cares about me and wants to see me get better. She was right on all accounts. I have been seeing a doctor and trying to be happier. But I loved her and would have done anything for her.

I tried texting her a week after the breakup to say how sorry I was and that I was making attempts to get better. She said she needed to focus on her new job (she started the police academy 2 weeks after we broke up) and to leave her alone. I could handle the breakup but why did she have to cut me off. I loved her.

While reading a thread posted by Sledsik, I could immediately relate and empathize to his situation. Everyone said the needed to follow NC (No Contact) rules. I have not contacted her since but am having trouble moving on. To me, I never felt I got closure. I want to see her one last time - try to make sense of this. I wake up every morning at 3 or 4 dreaming about her. It's driving me mad. Any suggestions?

[TrueFaith]

Closure

That word is thrown around way too much and often miss used
Even more so in ending of a relationship

To see her that one last time to hear the words said one last time
Then it will all make it better..

Well not it won't. I mean it could! But normally it just makes you want them more
Because you won't be able to accept the reasons for them leaving you.

Imagine if she said.. I left you because I could not be in a co dependent relationship anymore and just did not want to deal with your issues.

Harsh I know. But that won't make you feel better
Another fun one is

I love you too much to be with you. That's why I had to just leave! Because I knew I would be the person bringing you down. (um yeah sure)

The only person that can give you True! 100% closure is...

Guess what

Yourself! That's it!
You don't need her to give you that
You get up in the morning you say to yourself

I was like that.. My actions did this. She could have stayed with me and supported me but decided not to.
If the situation was reversed would I have stood by her.

If the answer to the 2nd question is yes. Then you know you was more willing to put in more effort into the relationship when it counts
Its easy to stick by people when things are going well
Its when times gets hard and tough and not so great
That's the real test of a relationship.

My advice keep to no contact
The only thing you need is absolution from yourself.

[Ivaaa]

On the other hand, she might not truly understand what you're going through.. I see a lot of people that hadn't have to deal with depression simply not being able to understand it. If she's a stable, happy person, for her your depression might seem like something not so hard to deal with, like something that you can fight just if you decide to. And you know it's not that easy.
Being in a relationship with a depressed person is really hard, especially if you can't understand them personally or based on a personal experience. Think of if you explained it well enough for her how much it is a problem for YOU, and that YOU are the one who suffers first from it, then she.

I'm myself dealing with something maybe similar right now, and don't know what to do. I think my, now ex boyfriend is pushing me away for these reasons. So, to someone, it may seem that I'm not there for him in his hard times. But I would do anything to explain that I am here. Only right now he needs to be alone (as he said) and I'm giving him that.

Put yourself in her shoes. If it's worth it, you know eventually.

Good luck

[njrugger]

Thank you both. TrueFaith - you're right. I need to keep the contact suspended and I need to work on myself. I have stared running again (it helps to lessen the emotional pain and I've already lost over 20lbs). I've been seeing a doctor to work on my lack of self esteem issues and the stress that I put on myself and my depression. I need to get myself better.

I don't blame her for leaving. It hurt, but it was something that kicked me in the *** and was a catalyst for me to make positive changes. What hurt more than the breakup is that when I tried to explain how sorry I was, she told me to leave her alone and accused me of jeopardizing her career. She also posted our breakup on Facebook the night of, and I felt villified by some of the posts from her family and friends. I know I made mistakes but I'm not a bad guy. I loved her more than I've loved anyone before and would have done anything for her. I know we'll never get back together, because if I ever get married and share the vows "In sickness and in health; for better or worse" I want to know I'll be able to believe that woman. I would have like to stay friends with her though. She meant the world to me.

Lvaaa - You're right as well. My ex was a very happy and outgoing person. I could be at times too, but my job would sometimes get me down. She has a cousin who's boyfriend was similar to me. Hated his job and would mope and be short tempered. Her cousin stuck with him, he found a better job, he's a happier person, and last I heard, he was shopping for a ring.

I guess what hurt most is that she waited until after the breakup to make me aware of this. If she would have told me before, I would have tried to get better for the both of us. Now I'm dealing with fixing my depression AND the heart ache of losing my first love. It's been a very dark and difficult six weeks for me.

[TrueFaith]

I'm very happy for you. That you are taking positive steps at change. When we are at our worst. That's when we are our best!
All the luck to you :)

[talaniman]

Now I'm dealing with fixing my depression AND the heart ache of losing my first love.

Stay NC, heal, and rebuild yourself, and have a happy life without her, and I can assure you that some lucky lady will appreciate, and want to share that happiness with you.

Then someday you will actually thank the ex(ES?? ) for dumping you, because it gave you the opportunity to do better for yourself, by make YOURSELF a better person.

I did, so have many before you. It does get better, not as quickly as we would like, but it does eventually.

Good Luck.

[njrugger]

Thanks Talaniman. I read the question and subsequent thread Sledsik posted almost two years ago and I feel much calmer every time I do. You gave a lot of good insight. This is by far the toughest thing I've ever gone through. I wake up every morning without fail between 3:30 and 4:30 dreaming of her. It always makes me sick to my stomach. But it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this. I appreciate the positive input.

[njrugger]

Any other tips for getting over her? I've heard and read that I should focus on myself and do something I like and enjoy. I've been running and getting into shape, which is great, but that only helps get my mind off her a little. Sleeping doesn't help nor my job. My doctor says to avoid "triggers" of her, which I'm doing. But it's hard. My entire house is full of memories of her.

[TrueFaith]

You need to ditch all the photos of her and everything and remove her from Facebook while you heal! That's a big thing

As for taking your mind of her. You got friends I'm sure start hanging out with them more as in game nights or g to the movies don't start going out and getting drunk that never helps.

It took me a long time to get over my first love
I did the gym and got into the best shape of my life
While listening to sad mushy emo songs! Non stop
Shine accoustics by muse lol I has that on my I tunes play list
Played nearly 2987 times

So yeah you can understand my state of mind I was hurting like hell but I also knew I was healing and being pro active!
There will be days when you sleep and you find yourself thinking about her all day

And those days are OK.just don't let them run your life

Also talking to others like on here tha have gone thorugh what you have helps a lot
I think I posted my break up story once on here

Man it was a train wreck rapped in a car crash trapped inside a blender! With a large gass bill attached.


Just remember we can't control how we feel but we can control how we act.



http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_u...?v=-ckNZkr7vso


Here you go you may love it you may hate it! But this just summed up my emotions at the young age of 22 :D

[talaniman]

Time to clean house, and make your living space YOURS, not a shrine to her, and the past you had.

[njrugger]

I haven't been drunk since she left. I have no desire to drink anymore. And yes, talking to others who've been in my shoes is a tremendous boost. I am very grateful for the feedback. I'm trying to avoid sad songs - they just remind me of her. I try to listen to some Bob Marley (3 Little Birds) and such.

I just feel I'm reverting back to my old self - before I met her. I was pretty unhappy and not very motivated. I've been trying to look at this break up as a positive. A catalyst to make improvements in myself. I'm starting to lose the drive I've had the last month. She's moving on with her life and I feel stuck in place. The future seems dismal and gloomy.

I've been avoiding some of my friends because they always want to go out to the bar. I had to tell one friend if he asked me to a bar one more time I was going to stop talking to him. My family has been a huge support. Also my doctor and talking to people on this site.

I'm just having trouble seeing hope for the future. I doubt I'll ever be able to trust another woman again.

[TrueFaith]

Oh come on now

Don't punish future relationships with the mistakes of others.
Or you will end up alone.

Just take it day by day

[talaniman]

You won't feel that way once your strength, and confidence return to full strength.

[njrugger]

My girlfriend left me about a month and a half ago. I was extremely hurt but I'm in the middle of a healing process. I watched Forgetting Sarah Marhsall the other night, and I immediately connected with the protagonist. I laughed for the first time in awhile and I felt a renewed sense of self worth afterwards. Can anybody recommend similar movies to help get over this breakup?

[pandead]

The best part about a breakup is that you have PLENTY of time for yourself. I remember the romantic comedy marathon followed by breakup movie marathon. Must love dogs is a classic, so is Under the Tuscan Sun (a bit girly though) oh, speaking of funny-girly, Bridget Jones's Diary.
If you need a little bit of hope, Sliding Doors is a must see. I think it would be on my all-time favorite breakup movie list. If you liked Forgetting Sarah Marshall, look up other "Judd Apatow clan" movies, like I Love You, Man (great movie with Jason Segel) or Knocked Up and Funny People (which is actually kind of sad) they aren't related to breakups -well, most of them- but good laugh guaranteed. Informative chick flick award should go to He's Just Not That Into You - and of course, saddest breakup movie of all times : Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (only if you feel like crying, go for it.)

[talaniman]

I prefer comedies, and monster movies after a break up, no emotions and plenty of escape from reality for a while. Plus laughing is a great mood lifter.