[avl12345]

My daughter-in-law carries on long conversations with her mother at events where I am sometimes stuck sitting in between them. If find it very annoying to be ignored like this. I have asked if she would like to change seats with me. Got a very firm no as a reply. I have thought about not sitting around them, but since these are often events where I am there to honor my grandchildren as they perform or participate on a sports team, this seems like a rude act on my part. What to do? Don't want to alienate daughter-in-law, although I am feeling alienated.
This is part of a larger problem where my son asked me to move across the country to his town but does not include me in Thanksgiving or Christmas Day celebration, refuses invitations to come to dinner at my house, etc. Etc. What do you recommend?

[Fr_Chuck]

You know it is going to happen, don't sit between them, if you seem to be going to be between them, move, ask them to sit together.

[TrueFaith]

What kind of a son does that?

I would not sit next to them at all I would find my own seat and watch my grankid play you don't need to be near them.
Once your son asks what's wrong you tell him how you feel.


Don't let people treat you like this you are owed respect

[talaniman]

As to the seating arrangement, don't sit between them, and don't ask.

Just me though, sitting between two people who don't want to change seats puts me into the conversation, whether they like it or NOT.

But maybe the real problem is a lack of communications between you and your son over why you are not included in holiday gatherings. Seeing as you sit with the in laws a lot, I wonder why this was never brought up to THEM by you?

That would be a fair, and casual conversation to have with them both.Maybe that's what your son expects, the females to make such things happen. Could be they do this seating thing to make you a part of the conversation, and you do NOT take advantage of it?

That's what it sounds like to me.

[JudyKayTee]

I see no purpose in the seating arrangement OTHER than to include the OP, make her part of the "gathering," include her. If they were shutting her out she'd be on one side and they'd be sitting together.

Does OP attempt to join the conversation, make comments, try to be included?

I see no point in sitting a woman between you and your mother unless you are trying to include that woman.

Are there other problems - real or not - between OP and daughter in law?

[JudyKayTee]

What kind of a son does that?

I would not sit next to them at all I would find my own seat and watch my grankid play you don't need to be near them.
Once your son asks what's wrong you tell him how you feel.


Don't let people treat you like this you are owed respect

What kind of son does what? I don't see the son's involvement. I see two women attempting to include the OP, otherwise THEY would find their own seats and shut her out.

SHE is his mother. The other person involved is his WIFE. Sometimes mothers have to step aside.

I totally disagree with your advice. Why cause a problem with the son, who is, in fact, married to this woman and doesn't need to hear criticism over a non event OR with the daughter-in-law? Once the OP wanders off and finds her own seat she will most probably never again be included.

Of course, the OP could always discuss this with her daughter-in-law, say she feels like she's not included. She could also get into the conversation. I suspect there are other family issues at play here or else this wouldn't be so very important.

[TrueFaith]

Hey judy

I stand by my original statement

My son asked me to move across the country to his town but does not include me in Thanksgiving or Christmas Day celebration, refuses invitations to come to dinner at my house, etc

I don't care what typ of wife you have you don't make you mom move across state lines and then shunned by her son
He asked her! If he wanted the mom to step aside
He should not have asked her to move over there with him.

That being said she is still owed respect and should not be made to feel like a 3rd wheel at social events

Simple as that.

But thank you for disagreeing with me with such an insightful tone.

[JudyKayTee]

Hey judy

I stand by my original statement

my son asked me to move across the country to his town but does not include me in Thanksgiving or Christmas Day celebration, refuses invitations to come to dinner at my house, etc

I don't care what typ of wife you have you don't make ya mom move across state lines and then shunned by her son
He asked her! If he wanted the mom to step aside
He should not have asked her to move over there with him.

That being said she is still owed respect and should not be made to feel like a 3rd wheel at social events

Simple as that.

But thank you for disagreeing with me with such an insightful tone.

And have you asked HIM why you are being treated in this fashion? Sounds like something went wrong in your relationship.

If your daughter-in-law doesn't want to include you, why doesn't your son visit you by himself?

I'd ask him that.