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Tjohn2008 · Dec 16, 2011, 11:04 AM

Okay my boyfriend's mother has been sick from 2007 the same year I got pregnant with his daughter she and I have had outs since then as she told me that my daughter would quote "never be loved or accepted by her or her family" she said my child would be retarded with no shoes or clothes which is far from what the situation is now with no help from her or her son. Now she's been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and its affecting the already strained relationship between my daughter and her father as well as the relationship between he and I. Now I don't fault him for wanting to be there for his mother as he waits for her to die but he wants me to be there for him when he's not there for his child. I don't know what to do as his girlfriend/child's mother since he isn't doing his share as a father. Can someone give me advice?

JudyKayTee · Dec 16, 2011, 11:38 AM

"As he waits for her to die?" Chilling and very well expresses your thoughts on the subject - however, upsetting those thoughts are to the people reading this.

I understnd the barefoot and pregnant, never being loved by her and her family, no clothes or shoes but I'm at a loss about the "retarded" part.

So what do you do? First, you make sure the child is supported financially by going to Court and getting a support Order. That's "his share." You cannot force or order someone to be a good parent.

Where is he living? With you, with his mother, some other place?

It's difficult watching someone die. Maybe he's emotionally exhausted. I don't know.

Tell him what you and your daughter need from him and see how he responds.

Tjohn2008 · Dec 16, 2011, 11:56 AM

Okay sorry as I am going in reverse to answer your questions. I have expressed our needs timelessly and needless to say nothing has changed permanently. He lives with his mother. He claims emotional exhaustion so I have been flexible with my expectations. I don't stop him from seeing his daughter ever I'm willing to make arrangements for her to see him on weekends but he doesn't take. I tried three times for child support and the process has been prolonged that I can bother with it anymore. Yes the woman said my child was going to be retarded because my daughter wasn't planned and I took plan B (which didn't work) and decided to keep her. Yes I know its cold to say "waiting for her to die" the way I did but I can't say it another way since she isn't actually fighting to live. The woman is a chronic asthmatic, diabetic, has had brain surgery and 6 heart attacks still smokes a pack a day and eats the garbage she isn't supposed to so its hard for me to be sympathetic as she now has lung cancer to add to the list. As you can read I have great issue with her now I just don't know what to do as everything is started to strain the relationship between my daughter and her father.

JudyKayTee · Dec 16, 2011, 12:01 PM

I don't think there is anything you can do. You cannot force "him" to be a good father.

I realize it's hard to be sympathetic when this woman has caused you nothing but grief and apparently won't take care of herself. However, at this point in time she probably is just "enjoying" the little time she has left. What good does it to do to stop smoking now?

Tjohn2008 · Dec 16, 2011, 12:09 PM

Her continued smoking is understandable. I mean why not have the simple pleasures. I just thought maybe there is something else I could do for since my daughter wants her father around and she doesn't get the time of day.