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superstar18 · Dec 7, 2011, 01:37 PM

So I met just met this guy in college and we both have feelings towards each other, but there is a problem, he's moving way too fast. He asked me a lot of personal questions already and is talking about french kissing already. We also have only been on one date and he told me he likes to move fast in a relationship. I'm not sure what I should do exactly. He also has much more experience than I do.

corrigan · Dec 8, 2011, 04:22 PM

My advise would be to, in no uncertain terms, leave him. First of all, if he's this involved after one date, he isn't dating you, he's dating who he thinks you are. You are not that person, you can't be there are to many quantifiers involved in who someone is. He sounds like he has a codependent personality, which means here are all kinds of red flags. If he is that emotional now, his reaction when he finds out you are not the person in his head will likely be equally emotional, probably in the form of crying or yelling. Secondly, he said he likes to move fast, to where exactly? The result of every relationship is either death or breaking up. The question I would suggest you ask yourself is if you want to emotionally invest yourself in some one that is so casual with his emotions.

rockerchick_682 · Dec 9, 2011, 11:39 PM

When dating or in a relationship, respect is very important. It sounds like you both want different things. Sounds like this guy wants to be a little more physical than you do, which doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't have a personal interest also. Tell him that you want to take it slow because you're not ready for those things yet. If he doesn't respect you for that, then honestly he's really not worth it. If I were in your shoes, I'd go on another date with him and bring up the idea that you'd rather take it a little more slowly, a few more dates. Remember, just because he wants to do something, doesn't mean that you are obligated to do it :).

geminichick · Dec 11, 2011, 06:14 AM

Him wanting to move things faster than you want them to is a real red flag warning signal for me. YOu don't really know much about him or what he is like. Whether he could be abusive. Also he could just want to get you into bed and leave you hanging there. There are many concerns that I have. Tell this guy you are not ready to move things that far yet. YOU are just getting to know him. If he refuses to do that, I would leave him standing at the front door because if he really truly liked you and cared at all he wouldn't push you into something you are not ready for!

I wish · Dec 11, 2011, 10:24 AM

What do you want out of this?

superstar18 · Dec 11, 2011, 03:52 PM

Yeah I understand, but I do have feelings for him but now he's giving me mixed signals. I think I am just trying to hard. Yeah at first I thought he wanted a relationship, but I'm not sure anymore. He said he didn't want one yet because of his ex but he said he still wants to flirt. I don't think he knows what he wants. I told him how I feel about him, but now he thinks I'm coming in to strong. Like yesterday he was all into it by me telling him how I truly feel about him, but today he's like OK I think it's getting a little weird.

geminichick · Dec 11, 2011, 08:58 PM

So now you're going to blame yourself. YOu need to just move on with your life and find somebody who is on the same page as you are. YOu will have issues with him if he is still thinking about his ex. He probably should've took time to heal before starting another relationship, if he's telling you the truth that is!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 11, 2011, 09:31 PM

Ok, first you merely tell him what speed you want to go, he can decide if he really has feelings for you, that he can take it that slow.

The fact he "always takes it fast" tells me, he does this all the time and goes from girl to girl to girl. And may not care as much as you think he may.

But with that said, it is still your speed, but for some, sex on the fourth date is not fast, some have sex on second date. And for many, normal kissing including french would be happening on first date.
I am not saying it is right, but I am saying everyone has a different ID for normal.

superstar18 · Dec 12, 2011, 10:37 AM

Well I know its not my fault he's the one who led me on, maybe he's not sure what he wants yet because his ex did cheat on him and I told him I had that same problem before. I'm going to ask him the next time I see him if he's just in it to have sex or does he actually like me because right now its hard to tell.

I wish · Dec 12, 2011, 10:50 AM

Before we worry about him, you need to figure out what exactly you want first. Once you know where you stand, you will have a better on how to deal with the situation.

For example, if you want a serious relationship, then let that be known. IF he doesn't want the same thing, then go your separate ways.

Don't need to overthink or overanalyze things. You're either on the same page or you're not.

The reason why this is so complicated at the moment is because you're not clear on what you want.

superstar18 · Dec 12, 2011, 11:27 AM

Your very right and some reason I like to put others before me, I like to see people happy. I think he does like me though people say he talks about me all the time, we both aren't sure what we want I guess. I think we just need to get to know each other more. I have never felt this way about a guy before, I can barely sleep at night ever since I have seen him. I don't want to be just another girl he gets in bed with.

I wish · Dec 12, 2011, 11:09 PM

Then spend more time getting to know each other better first before you start sleeping together. I just helped you ask the right questions. You answered your own questions!

superstar18 · Dec 14, 2011, 09:27 PM

Yeah you guys were all right about him, thanks just hard to realize things.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2011, 09:56 PM

If you have fun getting to know each other casually just dating, then you will have a better idea if this will work out or not.

For sure take your time, and don't be rushed, and the best way to know if a guy likes you, or just wants sex, is don't have sex with him.

And who knows if a person deserves your heart, and knows what to do with it after a few dates? Yeah have fun gettiing to know this guy for 6 months, and if you are still dating, then talk seriously.

superstar18 · Dec 15, 2011, 10:33 PM

No he doesn't like me like that because he said because I don't do drugs and have sex and because I don't have a job. He said that there will only be just a little lust and that's it.