[Concerned79]

I was granted sole legal and sole physical custody over my son and my ex husband was granted reasonable and seasonable visitation... what exactly does that mean? There is no actual written visitation schedule in our paperwork. I have followed the norm of every other weekend with some holidays, but now my ex has a live-in girlfriend and she has tried to dictate our visitation schedule so that it coincides with her visitation schedule. Out of good faith I agreed to try her schedule and have found that it's not in the best interest of my son. He has found to the schedule to be very confusing as to when he gets to see his Dad for she does not follow the typical norm of every other weekend. Am I legally obligated to follow his girlfriend's visitation schedule? And what should I do when my ex refuses the visitation schedule that we originally agreed to?

[ScottGem]

Nope. If her schedule is varied and interferes with your son's life and yours, you can simply tell her that and offer alternative dates.

A schedule is just that, a pre-planned set of times when something happens. I would tell THE FATHER that he should submit times he wants his visitation at least a month in advance, more is possible, and you will work with your son and him to accommodate those dates or offer alternatives.

[Concerned79]

They presented me with their visitation schedule for the 2012 year... I didn't agree with her schedule and returned it to them with a more consistent visitation schedule... what happens when they refuse my alternative schedule?

I also have another question regarding extra curricular activities... my son is involved in basketball through the local park district... he only has 6 games and they are on Saturdays... can my ex refuse to let him participate in the games that fall on his weekend?

[ScottGem]

Since you have sole legal custody, the final decision rests with you. If the father doesn't like it, he has to go back to court to petition for the court to resolve the difference. As long as you are not being unreasonable in allowing visitation, the courts are unlikely to make a change.

As for the basketball, the father can decide what he wants to do with his scheduled time. So he can not allow his participation. Why he would want to alienate his son by doing so is beyond me. That totally seems counter productive.

You are required to make your son available for scheduled visitation. You can't withhold him or encourage him to not go, but you don't have to force him to go. My suggestion is to sit down with the father and have a frank discussion on what is in the CHILD'S best interest.

[cdad]

As for the basketball, the father can decide what he wants to do with his scheduled time. So he can not allow his participation. Why he would want to alienate his son by doing so is beyond me. That totally seems counter productive.

Actually to me its not counter productive. In fact it makes sense in many situations. In most cases of custody the other parent isn't barred from attending "activities". So they set up things for the other parent and attend them too. It can create tension and be a burden to the child as they are split between both parents. If its his time with the child then why should it be interfered with? To me it makes no sense other then controlling behavior to set up something like that without asking and co-operating with the other parent. If you both can't agree then it shouldn't happen. Instead if plans are made without consent then it can make the whole situation awkward.

[Concerned79]

I gave my ex more than ample notice of when Basketball starting... the sign up was in October and it only affects one of his weekends. My son wanted to play basketball and was very excited when the sign up sheet came home. I had no intensions of avoiding visitation. My thoughts were that his dad could bring him to his game and support his son by cheering him on.

I do have another question regarding visitation... I will be out of town this weekend and won't be back till very late Sunday night am I allowed to make arrangements to have someone else pick up my son on my behalf since I have sole legal and physical custody, if I feel it's in the best interest of the child to return home and keep his normal bedtime routine especially with it being a school night? And does my ex have to the right to refuse returning my son because someone else is picking my son up? I will also put it in writing that I'm giving this person permission to pick up my son.

[ScottGem]

I'm looking at it from the standpoint of antagonizing the child. If the father feels that allowing the child to participate in such activities interferes with his time with the child then he should ask for alternative time. But it seems to me that preventing the child from doing something he enjoys is going to interfere with his relationship with the child.

[Concerned79]

I do have another question regarding visitation... I will be out of town this weekend and won't be back till very late Sunday night am I allowed to make arrangements to have someone else pick up my son on my behalf since I have sole legal and physical custody, if I feel it's in the best interest of the child to return home and keep his normal bedtime routine especially with it being a school night? And does my ex have to the right to refuse returning my son because someone else is picking my son up? I will also put it in writing that I'm giving this person permission to pick up my son.

[ScottGem]

If you give written instructions you should be fine.