[Anony.mouse]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have been living together since around or 6 month mark. To keep a long story short we've talked about marriage and children extensively. He is not concerned about having kids before marriage and even welcomes it. I will not have children without being married. He calls me his wife and does not correct people about it. Last year on my birthday he went out and supposedly looked at engagement rings. He then said there was an issue with the deposit and couldn't gey it yet. Its been about a year since and he still has not proposed. He hasn't even bothered to try saving for a ring. Recently he lost his job but got another 6 weeks later. I know that this time... where unemployment and I, as usual footed the bill... he will use this as an excuse not to propose. He doesn't have bills or anything... how long am I supposed to wait? He even went so far as to ask my mom and grandmother if they would allow us to be marrird and promised them he would propose by the end of this year. Here we are, 27 days left in the year and nothing. What to I do?

[Fr_Chuck]

You ask him or honestly after 5 years, you just set down and tell him that the two of you will set a date before you get up from the table.

You set it, rings can wait, or even not use rings, more and more couples don't use rings, esp because of their history many women are deciding not to use them.
** they were a symbol of bondage where the man kidnaps the women from the other tribe and ties her up.
In fact it was even against Christian church rules to use rings for marriage for over 800 years at the beginning of the church.

So you get with him and set the date and then go on to plan it.

[talaniman]

Wait until the 27 days are up and you, your grandma, and mother put his stuff on the street, and lock the door.

Give him a chance to surprise you and keep his word before you lower the boom on him.

Say nothing until then.

[DoulaLC]

I'd also hold off on saying anything. Who knows what the rest of the year might bring? If you don't hear anything after that time, then sit down and discuss it with him.

As was said, a ring can wait, so don't let that be an excuse. You'll have to decide how much longer is reasonable to you.

[ANGIE4124]

I feel the anxiety in you; given the promise he would propose by the end of this year and here we are days away. To be fair, give him all the time and space until then, after all, if he is a man of his word, he may just need that? Just a little more patience Anony.mouse and you will get your answer.

However I feel if he does not honour his word, I would find it difficult to propose to him given 2012 is a leap year, which permits the woman to propose to her man as a second alternative. Any marriage proposal given would require the confidence of receiving a yes answer. He already knows whole heartedly that you would give him a yes, even without asking! If he does not propose in the time frame he specified, he will not be ready in 2012 - February 29th.

As for how long is too long to wait for a proposal; I think 5 years and six months sounds about fair. And if you feel that the ring comes first before children etc; so be it; just as he can feel free without. I do not believe you should compromise yourself by accommodating his alternate view. Plus if he feels pressured, financially insecure to provide or otherwise this may have to be discussed and understood if all else fails.

[Anony.mouse]

Thanks for the responses. I know I should but I am just about losing my mind. I of course will not be asking him before his timeline runs out but when he talks about modifying vehicles, buying expensive bourbon or buying guns I want to rip my hair out. Maybe it's a sign of what I should really be seeing. Believe me when I say that the ring itself isn't important, it's the meaning. I don't even need a ring for the question to be asked but at this point all I want to tell him is "don't pee on my foot and tell me its raining and dont waste my time."