[Triund]

... to my friend who lost his father this summer and two days ago his mother and both his children in an accident?

I have struggled to find words to speak to him, but found none.

[jrsomello]

Wow that's a tragedy, its hard to approach someone to say something truly comforting with such loses. Instead of thinking what to say to him, ask him something to feel out where his mind is at, then you can think of something to elaborate on. But I wouldn't recommend the cliché "they're in a better place now".

[classyT]

Truind,

I am so sorry. Sometimes there is nothing you can say. I would just be there for your friend. I have found when someone is in pain from a loss or tragic accident, just knowing they have a friend there for emotional support and to listen is enough.

Is your friend saved? Even if the answer is no, from my experience most people respond to prayer. So pray with him. Most people respond to having someone care enough to lay hands on them and lift them up in prayer.

[Rkanovac77]

You do not have to say nothing.
Just be with him... he will start talking. Your physical presence would be the most beneficial to him. And, of course if he asks you for any help, consider doing it for him, if you can afford it..

That's all.

[breeda]

Someone who has lost a love one. The best thing is say your so sorry for their loss. You can send them a Card and tell them give them a hug. That is good for a person who is grieving. When I lost my dad, it was terrible, as many times we are close to our parents. Maybe one parent more than another. It hit me hard, and best thing was someone who just said Oh I'm sorry.

[JudyKayTee]

I was widowed - the people who simply listened, no more and no less, didn't offer "pat" advice, didn't tell me what I should or didn't do, shared memories of my husband with me - those are the people who made grieving easier for me.

And I agree - "He's in a better place" doesn't cut it when your husband dies young.

I found notes MUCH more comforting than preprinted cards.

[breeda]

Also ask what if anything can you do, ask him if he would like to talk about it. Plus ask if there are any questions he has, some people wonder what happens when a parent pass's. It is more of how this person is, and most all people hurt when we lose a loved one.
I suggest being there for him. Tell him your there no matter what he may need, if he wants to talk. My cousin took her own life last year on Dec. 23 rd. They lived in the same building I lived, her husband was in building maintenance. The man found his wife and it was terrible for him. Once he came back to work he moved from the place it held so much pain. They had a 10 year old and 4 year old.
This girls mom had just passed and this day she did this he had threatened with divorce. Just to come home at 5:30 pm on Christmas eve to find his wife of more than 10 years had barred the door to the bathroom and he had to break the window and go in that way.
The girl took his belt and hung herself, it was terrible. Once I was able to see him about 3 weeks later I saw him walking and pulled up and said get in. He did and we began by me saying I'm so sorry so so sorry. Then as he felt easy he began to talk to me, but not until I had shared some of my past pain with him of my life. The guy was truly heart broken and blamed himself. The girl had left a long love letter to him expressing how she could never live without him and the kids would be better with out her in their life anyway.
Everyone who reads this, we never know what is on someone's mind, her life was one of abuse not sexual but from verbal from her mother and she had tried to get her dad to divorce the mother, which he did do. This eventually made the girl feel guilty as the dad did remarry a younger woman who had younger children this was hard on the girl who had been her dads only child beside her brother.
The husband said she felt guilty about the divorce of her parents, and her brother was always saying he was going to kill himself.
Thus after her death the dad divorced the wife { new one } of 10 + years and the Son and he lived together.
Her husband I have not seen because I moved several months later myself.
This time of year these things increase. I know I have gotten off the point but nonetheless I hope this helps us all the heed what we say and do because words are strong and people sometimes on the edge. Just reassure your friend.

[JudyKayTee]

I appreciate your sharing this but I find it holds little comfort for me (and has nothing to do with my being widowed) and even less to do with the OP's question.

You simply cannot compare the death of someone by suicide to the loss of a wife and two children in a motor vehicle accident. There is absolutely no comparison.

And as far as what goes on behind other people's doors - not every family has terrible secrets which are revealed when there's a death.

Quite honestly my feathers are ruffled a little bit by your post - you are comparing a person who killed herself because she couldn't handle her life and the death of someone through incurable illness or an accident?

[cherished777]

Saying too much can be very overwhelming to the person who lost their loved one(s). Being there and being a shoulder that they can cry on is a great comfort. Letting them know that you are there when they need you. I find the worst mistakes people sometimes make is saying: "I understand or know what your going through!" No one can ever possibly imagine what that person is feeling or going through, even if the circumstance is similar!