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joker888 · Nov 18, 2011, 01:24 PM

We've been living together for two years and its really serious. I've caught him now four different times. Read horrible explicit emails. We don't sleep together that often anymore, however he is the sweetest person to me all the time. He asks me to marry him all the time. AM I supposed to believe he has a problem? That's his excuse.

Every time time it gets worse. The third time, I spoke with the girl, she sent me pics of him, knew our address and was told we were on a break... Don't know what to do. I feel stupid but I'm in love with him.

mmresd · Nov 18, 2011, 01:54 PM

It might be serious to you, but after seeing all the bull he is doing and the excuses he is making up, how serious do you really believe this relationship is to him. You should've left after the first time, he disrespected the relationship and you accepted it, that is why it happened again, and why it will happen again. Leave the guy that has no respect for you, your love, or your relationship, and start moving on. You are just one more on the list to him.

joker888 · Nov 18, 2011, 02:35 PM

But what about standing by someone to help them if they do in fact have a 'problem'?

And he says he never did anything physical with anyone..

DoulaLC · Nov 18, 2011, 03:25 PM

Evidently he is not the sweetest person to you all the time or else he wouldn't be doing what he has been doing... four times no less!

Has he sought help for his "problem"? Does he hide it from you, and you have caught him and that is when he fesses up? Or does he come to you and tell you that he has done it again and wants help?

If he knows he has a problem, what is he doing about it?

If he hasn't attempted to receive any sort of help, then he is just giving you excuses. How many more times does he need to be caught before you take action?

Whether he has been physical, many would consider it cheating already. Given that he has provided his address, who knows whether it has been physical. I'm sure he told you that he wouldn't do the sexting again when he was caught before either... but he has.

You will have to decide whether you believe he will try to change his behavior and what it will take for you to trust him.

Whatever you do, do not marry him if nothing gets resolved to your satisfaction.

Personally, I would have ended it already.

I have said this numerous times to people in similar situations: You can love someone, but that doesn't make them a good partner.

mmresd · Nov 18, 2011, 03:57 PM

That... is the excuse. If they have a problem that is not your issue and there is nothing you can do to help it. He will one day notice that it is wrong and stop messing around (or maybe even get professional help if in fact it is a very weird disease of some sort). Regardless of what it is, you need to stop being so gullable, put your foot down, and tell him to stop fuc&ing around. There are several ways of cheating, not only physical. But hey, if you are cool with that or are willing to wait until he DOES do something physical, then why did you write the post, obviously it is bothering you because even though you are in a state of denial because of the level of obsession with your boyfriend, your subconsience is calling out to you, pay attention.

odinn7 · Nov 18, 2011, 04:51 PM

Yeah, the guy's a bum. I really doubt this is a "problem" other than the problem of him being caught. He's disrespecting you and playing you. You said the one girl had pics and personal information... what else do you need? You're better off without him.

talaniman · Nov 18, 2011, 10:14 PM

Yes he has a problem, so dump him until he fixes it permanently himself.

Would you rather feel stupid, or be stupid, while he gets his jollies with other females?

Brian552 · Nov 25, 2011, 03:05 PM

You should talk to him about it. Tell him that you are not going to put up with it and if he does it again, You should break it off with him. He has already done it 4 times. He is lying to you. After he loses you, he will realize that the most important thing is right in front of him. If he really loves you then he will stop and if not then you should not be with him.

Ashley_Is_Here · Nov 25, 2011, 10:04 PM

I think that you should have broke up with him a long time ago. If he really loved you, then he would not have an interest in any other girls. He definitely would not be "sexting" them. Breaking up with him would be a good thing because it saves you from a lot of hurt.

joker888 · Nov 26, 2011, 12:40 PM

I'm getting closer to calling it quits. This should be a really easy decision to make because I know all of you are right... To add to the question though.. Why don't we have sex anymore? Only about once every two weeks, only when he wants to and usually when he or both of us are intoxicated. Now, going back to the original question.. is this because he is either watching too much porn or sexting. Or cheating... physically (which I don't know when he would have time to do that)?? Its frustrating because its making the entire situation worse.. its an important part of relationships. At the beginning he was crazy about me, and by the way he chased me I wasn't interested...

DoulaLC · Nov 26, 2011, 02:39 PM

He may just be comfortable and not as interested in sex as he used to be. For many couples, it is not uncommon for sex to decrease after you have been together for a fair amount of time. It is very individual. He may have specific reasons, but you would have to ask him. Have you discussed it with him? Have you initiated sex? If so, what is his response?

Leaving is easy to say, and many people would feel that you would be justified, but actually doing so, when you have feelings involved, is often another matter.

That is something you will have to decide on when you consider what the relationship has been like and what you believe it will be like if you stay together.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2011, 05:08 PM

I think like many of us have, you are trying to make a pile of gold from a lump of crap, and his interests and priorities changed a long time ago. You just have not accepted that the thrill is gone, and he doesn't care.

joker888 · Nov 28, 2011, 11:34 AM

In response to DoulaLC... I have discussed it several times with him... I have tried to suggest and initiate and he always says he is either tired, doesn't feel well, or doesn't feel like it. Recently he said he thinks that with all the other 'bull****' (me finding out all the sexting stuff) that he now feels under pressure from me. WEll this doesn't make sense to me because we had sex right after we made up from the sexting incidents... he initiated. But since then its all me that's putting 'pressure' on him. I said well that I already feel insecure because you want to have sex with other women (or say so in the messages) but not with me. Im at the end of the road. I don't feel like I'm ready to call it quits but all I keep thinking is he is cheating or doing the same **** as before but deleting it. How can you be a 24 year old guy and not want sex??

joker888 · Jan 9, 2012, 11:06 AM

If any of you remember my question from before I asked if I should break up with my boyfriend, who I'm in a serious relationship with and live with over some sexting stuff... Well my worst fear has come true, over the holidays he slept with someone else. He said he was on drugs and couldn't even remember if they used protection. I'm shocked, disgusted and devastated by what I found out. I haven't kicked him out yet, What's WRONG WITH ME! I should kick him out and say goodbye, I'm too afraid but I know he'll do it again just like when I would take him back over and over again after finding those texts and emails. He keeps saying so what are we doing> are we going on a break? Is this healthy to just continue to live together? He has no where to go, doesn't have a job, Its pretty clear that he wants me to break it off? He told me that he never did anything bad until a year and half into our relationship he got anxious? PLEASE HELP

TrueFaith · Jan 9, 2012, 11:12 AM

You. Should kick him out
Who cares if he has no where. To go tell him to go with. That women he slept with.

Don't let people treat. You. Like a door Matt.

Honestly. You should have kicked him out when you found out about the sexting

Don't let this torture continue

talaniman · Jan 9, 2012, 11:21 AM

Enough is enough, why be miserable, and the one who is making you miserable is still there?

Get rid of him, and be miserable by yourself. At least then you can eventually heal, and do better and put an end to this sad chapter in your life.

DoulaLC · Jan 9, 2012, 02:54 PM

It's hard when you have loved someone and wanted so much to give them the benefit of the doubt. The first step is the most difficult... but it is like pulling off a band-aid, you just have to do it fast. Once you say it, and make the first moves at putting it into action, it gets a little easier.

It will hurt at first, and you will feel miserable, but as talaniman said, you are miserable anyway. Might as well give yourself the opportunity to be able to move on. That can't happen until you end the relationship.

Wish there was an easy fix, but there isn't. You just have to get through it until you get to a place where you feel stronger and wiser. You will get there... and sooner or later, you will meet someone who treats you as you should be treated. You won't find that in this current relationship.

Surround yourself with your family and friends to give you support.

wendylynnb · Feb 14, 2012, 12:16 PM

My boyfriend of 2 years is doing the same thing I feel you

mmresd · Feb 14, 2012, 01:10 PM

We had advised you it was only a matter of time, maybe now you will make the right decision of leaving that loser alone. You need to have self respect for yourself and someone should EARN to have you by their side, not treat you so poorly that you even accept them cheating on you, over and over again mentally, and now physically. If you still believe he has that "problem" and that he is a damsel in distress, then you need professional help.