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Mrs.Monster · Nov 15, 2011, 07:52 PM

My family has problem's, every family does but I'm scared ill act like them when I'm older. For the last 3 months my grandparents have told my that I'm more like my mother everyday, I know since she's my birth mother that I'm going to look like her and have some of the same characteristics as her but I'm at the point where I don't know what's going to become of me. I really don't want to follow the same path she has. Do I have a choice? I don't have a lot of people to look up to. My grandma is at war with my mom and so is my aunt but my dad tells me to defend her because she's my mom and for the longest time I have let them say what they want about her but tonight I stood up and argued with my grandma and now I feel guilty what do I do? Well truly the question is How do I make my family understand how I feel without "turning" to my moms side... that might be wrong to say... sorry I can't think straight at the moment

talaniman · Nov 16, 2011, 01:05 PM

I think we all are afraid of our future when we are young, especially when we have so much conflicts around us. But yes you will have MANY choices in the next few years to make that will affect the person you become.

Please don't be overly concerned about the actions, and words of the adults around you, that's really their problem, but DO focus on enjoying your own interests, and cultivate your own fun with people your age.

Maybe some sports, or activities that you enjoy. Maybe that's hard, but finding those things, or people to enjoy may be a worthwhile journey to undertake for yourself, and get you out of family conflicts.

Split loyalties are a real drag on us when we are young, but the adults have probably quarreling this way for a long time, since they were kids even.

Jake2008 · Nov 19, 2011, 08:26 PM

In some ways, living with parents and all their faults, and all of the extended family members, puts you at a distinct advantage.

Because you see, and know what all these people are like individually, and together, you have the choice, of not being like them.

Particularly in areas that are really imnportant for personal success. Communication, the ability to solve problems, honesty, etc. You can choose, in other words, not to handle yourself, the way they do.

I disagree that you should always stick up for your mother no matter what, as your father has said.

My advice would be to not get involved with adults who don't get along. If they choose to argue with each other, walk away. If you are insulted, such as the comments your Grandmother shot your way, ignore them, and don't be drawn into their drama.

Some adults just never grow up.

jrsomello · Dec 7, 2011, 05:48 PM

Hey, I see where you are coming from. There are certain characteristics that you don't want to inherit from your parents. One thing you should do though is, instead of focusing on how you don't want to be, focus on who and how you DO want to be. As taliniman said, you should identify your good traits and magnify them, by engaging in activities and meeting people who acknowledge the good in you. That way you won't have to worry about who you don't want to become. But always be true to yourself. As far as the arguments go, I don't feel you should be tossed in the middle of a quarrel. Love and respect your mother but if the family argues you can opt out. There's nothing wrong with that.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2011, 07:04 PM

First if you look some like your mom now, you will look some like her latter, but I have 5 boys, and the one I adopted looks more like me as adults.

You are free to make your own choices, you decide what you do, where you do it and more.

So no only you will decide what you become.