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naomi000 · Nov 13, 2011, 12:56 PM

Please please help I'm at the end of the line I have a 3.5 year old boy who I love deaqrly but for about month now he has started to to get worse screaming at the smallest thing then if I say no he gets angry, turning to a sort of growl these tantrums can go on from the moment he gets up till bed time I have stopped goping out for fear of him starting and you always get that one person to tut at you like its you're the only person in the world to have a naughty child. The main reason I have posted this is at the moment the tantrums are getting so bad that I have found myself walking away because if I didn't I would do something stupid. I have tried the naughty step and he sits there but just screams my husband works 12 hour shifts so I am the main carer but when I go to work he is an angel for him and I don't know why. Please please please help if you can #
Thanks

richardsal · Nov 13, 2011, 02:05 PM

Try Supernanny. Good Luck

Curlyben · Nov 13, 2011, 02:10 PM

You need to come down to his level and talk to him in a clear, calm and quiet voice.
Try and find out exactly what is triggering these hysterics.
It's hard work, but episodes like this are normally triggered from frustration, i.e. not being able to make themselves understood.
Most importantly you need to stay calm, which I know is very difficult indeed..

Wondergirl · Nov 13, 2011, 02:22 PM

Along with what Curlyben said, you probably need to change your discipline strategy and get creative.

Some examples: When you want to instruct him to do something, whisper the instruction like it's a big mystery and he will lean in to hear what you are saying, then maybe tiptoe around and say "Ssssh!" now and then with finger to your lips to show him how to do what you want him to do -- e.g. pick up clothes and put them on hooks or wherever. Or even sing your "orders" in a happy voice with maybe hand-clapping or shaking a big jinglebell. If you want him to pick up toys, lead the way and sing or count or talk nonstop (make up a story about each toy, "Mr. Bunny is going to hop hop hop onto the shelf and will take a nap") while you pick up each one and put it where it belongs, in a box or on a shelf. Of course, encourage him to join in.

What your aim is is to get him to join in and have fun with you, even when it's a chore that must be done like picking up toys or brushing teeth or eating his carrots. Turn your "orders" into adventures and stories and songs which will get him more engaged in doing good-boy things rather than naughty things and then tantrumming.

GGertie · Nov 13, 2011, 07:12 PM

First of all, make an appointment with his pediatrician to make sure nothing physical is going on with him.

If all is well, he is probably frustrated. Many times with a child this age, he wants to be independent from Mommy but doesn't know how. Try giving him choices whenever you can... when he is getting dressed, pull out two shirts and ask, "What do you want to wear today .. the red shirt or the blue one?" At breakfast ask, "Do you want milk or juice for breakfast?" amd so on through the day. There are many choices he WILL be able to make. YOU control the choices but he gets to pick, so he is making some independent decisions.

On the other hand, while he needs some independence, he also needs Mommy. Eye contact is important. Some time spent together is important. A daily schedule is really important. Perhaps at breakfast, you can lay out the day ahead. He can play in his room while you clean up the dishes or he can help you clean up. Then you have time for some play time - he could choose whether to play a game with you or have you read him a story.

One other thing - do you wear cologne? Does he have these fits while you are cleaning? When my son was small he was very allergic to many air borne substances. He didn't know what was wrong but would scream uncontrollably until he was gasping for breath. I started taking him outside to get him some air and in a few minutes, he would be OK. It took a little while but finally we figured out that he had a severe allergy to... colognes, cleaning products, etc. Once we eliminated those from his environment, there were no more problems.

So, pay attention to odors he may be having problems with, get a check-up with the pediatrition, give him some one-on-one time, eye contact and choices. I also like the idea of looking up SuperNanny. Good luck. That has to be frustrating, but stay calm - he needs the assurance that at least YOU are in control even if he isn't. I have a feeling he doesn't want to be like that.