[amor35]

I have a 35 year old boyfriend and I'm still 24. Our relationship lasted for 2 years and 3 months but within that span, I can say that we were together for only a month. We didn't see each other for 2 years. He left our country for work before I did but during the time we were together, we were very intimate. We planned to get married after my 2 years contract from work. We already inform our families about the plan. He always send mails and called me but there was a time when I barely replied to his messages. We also chat if we have time. I love him but I didn't show how much I love him because of my trauma from my past relationship. I never failed to show him my love but I was holding back. I was also a sweet girlfriend since that's my real personality that he even noticed it. He loved me so much that whatever I ask, if he can do it, he will. I was spoiled like a child from that love and promises and always argue with him. It became a habit that when he did something I don't like, I started fighting with him. Before I realized it, it was already too late. We had an argument that I even asked him for break up but after several minutes I asked for his forgiveness and I took back that break up. During that time, he's already in our country and as agreed will be waiting for me for 2 months for me to come home for our planned wedding is after 2 months after I will be home. I thought everything was fine until he asked me if we could still be happy with our relationship. He then told me that we will call off the wedding since we were always arguing and maybe we don't understand each other. I was always calling him and ask for forgiveness for what I did and told him how much I love him but it was too late since he told me that he has another girlfriend. I let him choose but he can't. He told me that he cannot say that he love this girl and still telling me that he love me. He told me that they were getting close since he vented his problems with her. I begged for him to leave that girl but he told me that what if he will leave that girl and I will still messed up with our relationship he will just keep on crying. I promised to control myself and will prove it when I come home. I asked for 1 last chance for me to prove to him that I love him so much, that I'm willing to do everything just for him. He told me that he will wait for me but still he didn't break up with his another girl which is 2 years younger than I am. It's really hard and painful for me since I know I'm obviously largely at fault. People around me keep on telling me to stop since I already did everything. I keep on asking for forgiveness, begged for our relationship to work out fine that I even lost everything; my pride, myself esteem, my dignity and even maybe my love for myself. I love him too much that I can't handle it if I lose him. I know I've taken him for granted and that I realized how much I value him when this situation happened. We didn't broke up and I'm still trying to hold on but things are different now. He still keep on saying he loves me but he didn't reply any of my text messages but still answering my phone call. My plan is I will keep fighting for my love until I'll be home and prove to him that I really love him that I can change my attitude of always starting a fight which I know I can.
Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right choice and decision? Do I have to stop like everybody is telling me or keep on fighting which I really want? I really don't want to lose him. I love him so much. Please help me. Thank you for reading my boring story.

[amor35]

I forgot to mention that I asked about him if he can handle my attitude towards him that I kept on starting fights and he said yes and he accepted me for who I am. He even promised that he meant it.