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alaskagirl13 · Nov 5, 2011, 03:46 PM

I am 27 weeks pregnant. The birth father is my ex boyfriend of a year and a half. We do not have a healthy relationship, and I do not want the child around him at all.

He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, his current priority, (and his main priority for as long as I have known him), is his prescription pills. He is 21 and living with his father in which he occasionally gets kicked out and is left homeless.

He has no license due to getting a DUI a few years ago, he has not held a steady job while I have known him, so he has hardly any money in the bank, and he has a history of assaulting me as well. I should have a restraining order but do not, I am not bothered by him myself anymore, I just am worried about the baby.

He is controlling, manipulative, and I would never be comfortable with letting him raise our daughter. I am 18 and adoption would be the best option for the baby, with two loving parents that are financially capable of taking care of a child.

He absolutely does not want the baby to be adopted, I know he can prove paternity and contest it, but with his past, could he possibly win and end up getting custody of the baby?

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2011, 04:01 PM

Yes he can stop an adoption. BOTH parents have to agree.

This may sound harsh, but you made a choice to have sex with this guy. Now you are living with the consequences of that decision. While I don't think he can get primary custody, there is a probability that he can get partial legal custody and visitation rights.

AK lawyer · Nov 5, 2011, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by alaskagirl13

... He absolutely does not want the baby to be adopted ...

Does he know that therefore he absolutely wants to be paying child support for the next 18 years? Tell him that you will contact C.S.E.D. as soon as the baby is born, unless he changes his tune about adoption.

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2011, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Does he know that therefore he absolutely wants to be paying child support for the next 18 years? Tell him that you will contact C.S.E.D. as soon as the baby is born, unless he changes his tune about adoption.

A valid point that I should have mentioned. However, my guess is a guy like this is not going to care. I suspect he figures that he will not have a real job so there is no way to collect support.

AK lawyer · Nov 5, 2011, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

A valid point that I should have mentioned. However, my guess is a guy like this is not going to care. I suspect he figures that he will not have a real job so there is no way to collect support.

True. But in Alaska (where, evidently, OP is from), if there is a CS order and the bio-dad fails to pay for a certain period, adoption can be ordered whether he likes it or not.

cdad · Nov 5, 2011, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

True. But in Alaska (where, evidently, OP is from), if there is a CS order and the bio-dad fails to pay for a certain period of time, adoption can be ordered whether he likes it or not.

And I bet in that same state if the mother doesn't want the child the father can get custody and not have to worry about child support at least as far as paying it.

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2011, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

True. But in Alaska (where, evidently, OP is from), if there is a CS order and the bio-dad fails to pay for a certain period of time, adoption can be ordered whether he likes it or not.

Ahh, an even more valid point.

alaskagirl13 · Nov 5, 2011, 05:21 PM

That's correct, he would most likely have no money to pay for child support and I have no doubt that he hasn't even considered how much child support would cost him. I do of course want my daughter, but I do have enough sense to know that adopting parents would be able to take much better care of her. Whether I keep her or not I do not want him to be able to get custody, seeing as he is completely incapable of being a father. He basically thinks that if I have the baby adopted, he can fight it and then keep her instead. I'm wondering if any judge would look at his past and his life and actually give a baby to a broke, jobless, sometimes homeless, ex junkie that has an abusive past.

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2011, 05:29 PM

Again, you can't give the baby up for adoption without his consent. And I doubt if he can use the fact that you want to go the adoption route to get custody.

alaskagirl13 · Nov 5, 2011, 05:39 PM

Well I have spoken to family services consultants about adoption, and they told me since I am not married, that I can have the adoption set up with out his consent. But has as the father can choose to contest it, get a paternity test to prove he is the father, and try to get custody. So I am just thinking, if I do choose the adoption route, he does contest it, would a judge honestly give a guy like him custody of a baby, JUST because he is the father, not taking into account that he financially cannot support the baby? And if so, then what happens with me if he contests the adoption and wins. Does the baby go to both of us, or just him?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 5, 2011, 05:42 PM

As long as the adoptive parents KNOW before hand that the bio father has not approved it, and they understand there is a period he has to contest it. And I am sure there is legal requirement to notify him of the adoption.

So you can move ahead and hope he does not do anything..

AK lawyer · Nov 6, 2011, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by alaskagirl13

... And if so, then what happens with me if he contests the adoption and wins. Does the baby go to both of us, or just him?

No. Not just to him. An adoption proceeding is not a substitute for a custody case.

Just for your reference, here is the complete adoption statute. Technically, his consent is not required for adoption, but he must be given notice of the adoption. Alaska does not have a putative father registry at this time.

If the court finds that consent is required for some reason, and his consent cannot be waived by the court, both of you would continue to have parental rights with respect to the child. However, as the mother, you would normally continue to have de facto custody. In other words, when the child is born she will be, obviously, with you and he would have to do something to change that situation.

ScottGem · Nov 6, 2011, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Technically, his consent is not required for adoption, but he must be given notice of the adoption.

I just want to clarify this point a bit. As I read the statute, the father's consent is required if he is designated the legal father. Since you are not married and if you do not put his name on the birth certificate or he does not acknowledge paternity legally, then his consent can be waived by the court. But since you have to inform him of the adoption, then he will be given the opportunity to legitimize the child, given him veto rights for the adoption.

It is possible for the court to override that veto if the find that the best interests of the child will be served.

So, in other words, go ahead with the adoption, but you need to inform the adoption service that he may contest the adoption.