[missbanks]

My husband says he has a crush on co-worker and is going out with her next Friday to a football game. His co-worker doesn't want me around so he's told me I have to stay home and he's going to go and sleep at her house afterwards and says it isn't overly friendly and I'm overreacting. What should I do?

[taxesforaliens]

He has a crush on her, she doesn't want you around, he agrees and is also going to sleep at her house?
You are definitely NOT overreacting. Change the locks at your house when he is sleeping over ;-)

[BK201]

Nothing personal but pure male chauvinist. May be you should tell him that you have a crush on someone, and going to a movie the same day.
You are definitely not over-reacting. Tell him that he is out of his mind, and you won't take things lightly if he is going to do what he is saying.

[MrzJohnson26]

I know I do not know you and know the entire situation but it seems that your husband is taking advantage of your heart and you owe it to yourself to do something about it. Any time a married man says he is going out with another women let alone staying at her house, there is most likely more to the situation then he is telling you. Just the fact that he has verbally told you he has an interest in her should make you question his feelings toward you.. He says it is not over but to me it was over the minute he took his interest to the next level by telling you he was interested in someone else. Don't set yourself up to get hurt you don't deserve to be second best...

[missbanks]

I've been married since "07" and my husband does say he loves me and works 2 jobs and I have 1. He has nothing but Female friends no guy friends. He's extremely overly friendly with 2 of the women he works with. He constantly says I'm overreaction he's texting he loves and cares for one of them and she is single and has a 13 year old boy. He's always saying how attractive these women are and never says it to me unless, I confront him. He won't let me say anything without stopping me when it's something he's doing wrong causing an argument. I feel frustrated. He is emotionally distant lately because he works with nothing but women and they give him all the attention he needs and keeps boosting his ego even more. I love him but I don't know what to do please help?

[QLP]

If you are married and have a crush on someone the last thing you do is spend time alone with them. He thinks it is OK to order you to stay home because she doesn't lilke you? If she has a crush on him too I bet she darned well doesn't like the missus. And to put the cherry on the cake he is sleeping at her house. What part of that does he expect you to think is OK?

[Jake2008]

This situation is absolutely ridiculous!

That you would even think that there is some sense to be made of your husband's behaviour and weekend plans, has me shaking my head- are you totally incapacitated and unable to think or act on your own?

I think that because you have asked the question in the first place, you must have some inkling as to just how upside down wrong this situation is.

That he is so sure of himself, and confident of your reaction (which is essentially a green light), he makes no bones about what he chooses to do, and he's going to do it- if he hasn't already.

Please seek counselling, and try to figure out why you accept anyone, to treat you like this. Why you are not strong enough, or possess the confidence and maturity to face the facts, and make reasonable decisions as to what to do, and why you would find yourself in this position in the first place.

Next, seek legal advice. Protect yourself. He is using family money, or marital assets, to provide entertainment for himself and another woman. Seek information on what is involved in a legal separation, and prepare to do the work to stand on your own two feet and do what you have to do.

Nobody, not even you, can justify your husband's behaviour, and nobody but you, can take charge of your own life. What he is doing is not insignificant, but you seem very confused by the obvious- are you confused?

Please help yourself- get help.

[JudyKayTee]

He has a crush on her, she doesn't want you around, he agrees and is also going to sleep at her house?
You are definitely NOT overreacting. Change the locks at your house when he is sleeping over ;-)

She can't legally lock him out BUT the situation is bizarre.

I would make it very clear that I am not going to be second in his life - he can either keep on this third-party relationship and the marriage will end or drop the third-party relationship. My concern would be that he would then become secretitive. For whatever reason he is comfortable telling OP that this is his plan.

Counselling, counselling, counselling.

[MrzJohnson26]

That is true, by law you cannot lock him out of the house, one reason is because you are both married, me and my husband had gotton into a fight and the neighbors called the police because she heard me ask me husband to get out of my face because he was going to hurt me, when the cops arrived my husband told them he wanted me to leave because he was mad the cops told him that he had no right to kick me out, even though I wasn't on the lease, because we were married. If you guys were not married and it was just your place, I believe you would have the right to change the locks

[JudyKayTee]

You cannot lock out a residence - even the parties are not married but he resides with her, she cannot lock him out.

She can get a restraining order (as anyone can do) and that keeps him out by Court Order.

[Fr_Chuck]

Being married is not the issue, you can not just lock anyone out, being married gives you more rights to stay longer but the issue here is not married or not

[missbanks]

I don't think any of this is okay just to let all of you know I've talked to him and is he says its because she has to get up early for work but he's not giving me any choice in the matter but to let him go. To make matters worse our anniversary is tomorrow and I feel like complete crap!! If men are so happy at home like they say why are they all looking elsewhere for attention and affairs? I'm wondering if I'm the only woman dealing with this and the fact he only has 1 guy friend he barely speaks to or sees but all his friends are female and two are his bestfriends... and the girl is going out with is one of them... ugh!:(

[QLP]

Sorry but that just sounds like a rubbish excuse. The question I would be asking him is,'why are you prepared to be putting your marriage at risk in this way?' I also agree with what others have said earlier. Get yourself some counselling. You need some help working through what your real options actually are.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't think any of this is okay just to let all of you know i've talked to him and is he says its because she has to get up early for work but he's not giving me any choice in the matter but to let him go. To make matters worse our anniversary is tomorrow and I feel like complete crap!!! If men are so happy at home like they say why are they all looking elsewhere for attention and affairs? I'm wondering if i'm the only woman dealing with this and the fact he only has 1 guy friend he barely speaks to or sees but all his friends are female and two are his bestfriends...and the girl is going out with is one of them...ugh!:(

"Men," in general, aren't behaving like this because "women," in general, don't allow it. I work in a very male-dominated world. I have tons of "men friends." I don't go to events with them instead of my husband and I most definitely don't stay overnight at their houses.

It's about boundaries.

You can only be abused physical, mentally, emotionally if you ALLOW yourself to be abused. For whatever reason your husband is pushing your buttons - maybe he doesn't have the backbone to leave and so he's pushing you to end it.

I can't believe you have a relationship that even borders on "good" when this is how he treats you.